The Marauders And The Chamber Of Secrets
by teenage.tradgedy
Summary: Following up on The Marauders and the Sorcerer's Stone, after Lily finds the next book in a second floor bathroom, the four Marauders and Lily set off into their second adventure into the future.
1. The Marauders and the Chamber of Secrets

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter**

* * *

"_Y__ou've brought me to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom," Lily said bitterly, and the boys smirked at her, "I can hold it in," she said, and James rolled his eyes._

_"You said you needed to go before the train," he said, and Lily shrugged_

_"There's a bathroom at home, I can hold it," she said, and James snorted as the other three laughed, "Don't laugh! I've heard stories about this bathroom," she whined, and James nudged her back, pushing her towards the bathroom._

_"Bloody go, we'll wait here," he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him._

_"Fine, if I'm not out in ten minutes it's because I'm dead, and you'll be sorry," she said, and the boys sniggered._

_Lily did her business and as she unlocked the bathroom door, she jumped as she saw the ghost in question sitting on one of the sinks, crying. Lily sighed and walked over to wash her hands in one of the other sinks._

_"Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?" Myrtle cried, her voice extremely whiny and high-pitched. Before Lily could answer she let out a wail, "Why would you? Nobody ever cares about disgusting, stupid, ugly moaning Myrtle," she cried, letting out a scream of despair and flew into the ceiling._

_"Thank Merlin," Lily said under her breath, in case Myrtle could still hear her, and walked towards the exit. She walked past the sinks and froze, before running back and looking into one of the sinks in shock, a gasp escaping her mouth._

_"JAMES!" she screamed, and the four boys ran into the bathroom, wands drawn, to see the girl looking into the sink._

_"Everything okay, love? Lily, what's wrong?" James asked, sounding slightly panicked, and ran to stand next to Lily, "What? What is it?" he asked, before following her line of sight, and freezing as well._

_"Prongs?" Sirius said worriedly, and the other three ran towards them, looking into the sink, "Merlin," Sirius said, a grin spreading across his face, "Guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other this summer," he winked, and a grin spread across all their faces._

_Lily reached in and grabbed the book, her hands shaking slightly as she stroked the cover._

_"__**Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"**_

* * *

The five of them hadn't had an opportunity to read the book on the Hogwarts Express, as they were all so greatly longing to do. People had kept coming in and out, and they would've been asked too many questions. Instead they sat in a compartment together, and discussed what the book could be about.

"I swear I've heard of it," Lily said, frowning as she rested her back against the window, her knees bent to her chest and her feet resting on the seat. James was sitting by her feet, watching the game of wizards chess Sirius and Peter were playing on the seat across them.

"Of what?" Remus asked, looking up from one of this books.

"The Chamber of Secrets," she said, and all the boys shushed her loudly, "Oh nobody can hear me," she said, waving her hand, "I swear I've heard of it."

"You sure you're not just trying to convince yourself you know it?" James asked, and Lily nudged him with her foot as the other three boys snickered, Peter and Sirius' eyes not leaving the chess board.

"No! I think I've read it somewhere," Lily said, rubbing her head.

"Maybe you've read so much in your lifetime you're in shock that you haven't read something, so you're convincing yourself you have," Peter said, and Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius snickered, hi-fiving Peter without removing his eyes from the board in front of him.

"Thanks Pete," Lily said sourly, and James grinned, patting her knee absent-mindedly, "Why wont you lot believe me?"

"I don't really want to know to be honest," Remus said, "I'd rather find out from the book."

"You're a disappointment to our people," Lily said, and Remus shook his head fondly.

"Fuck, Wormtail!" Sirius whined, as Peter managed to corner him in a check mate, "That's twice now! Have you been practicing?"

"Shame, you're nothing like your minion," Lily said, looking at her nails, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at her as the others laughed.

"You have no idea how much I regret going home over Easter," Peter grumbled, and Lily smiled at him.

"You'll be around for this one Pete, don't worry," she said, and he smiled at her.

"Oh no, does this mean we'll have to explain things," Sirius whined.

"Yes," James said simply, as Peter adopted a sombre expression, "Pete's going to be there, he shouldn't feel left out."

"Thanks James," Peter said, grinning at James, who smiled back, turning to Lily.

"I'm bored," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"What am I supposed to do about it?" she asked, and he winked at her, earning a snort, "We're on the train you pest," she said, shoving him with her foot, as the others laughed.

"There are bathrooms!" James said, and Lily scrunched her nose.

"If you think I'm going with you to a bathroom, on the Hogwarts Express, you need a new girlfriend," she said, and James pouted as his friends sniggered.

"So where are we going to read this thing?" Remus asked, looking up at the rest of them, who shrugged.

"We could go to someone's house," Lily said, and Sirius beamed.

"Let's go back to Lily's!" he said excitedly, and Lily snorted.

"Absolutely not, I think I'll actually die of embarrassment if you lot meet my mother again," she said, and the boys sniggered, "Especially you, you great buffoon," she said, shoving James, who grinned at her, "You should just date my mother, the two of you flirted so much," she said, and James winked.

"Jealous, love?" he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the other three laughed, "We can go to my place?" he said, and the other three shrugged.

"I'll be there anyway," Sirius said, and James rolled his eyes

"Can't ever get away from you," he said, and Sirius blew James a kiss.

"Why don't we just meet somewhere?" Lily suggested, "It would look a lot less suspicious than being around parents," she said, and Remus nodded.

"That makes sense. I think Prongs' parents would suspect something if we were holed up in a room all day reading a book," he said, and Sirius nodded

"That's right, they don't think Prongs can read, do they?" he said seriously, and James threw an empty chocolate frogs wrapper at him which he easily ducked, as the other three laughed.

"We can meet in Diagon Alley?" Lilly suggested, and Peter scrunched his nose.

"Every day?" he asked, and Lily shrugged.

"We can read under the umbrellas while we eat ice cream," she said, and the boys laughed at her excited expression.

"That's not a bad idea," James said, "Besides, there are other restaurants and cafe's around in the muggle world by the Leaky, we can go there as well," he said, and Lily nodded.

"Precisely," she said, and the boys laughed, "And this way you don't have to meet my mother," she said, and James rolled his eyes, resting his arm on her knees as she giggled.

* * *

When they reached Kings Cross Station, they hugged each other goodbye, with promises of seeing each other the next day in Diagon Alley, at Florean Fortescue's ice-cream parlour.

"See you tomorrow," Lily giggled, as the four boys threw themselves on her in a massive group hug, "honestly you four, get off me!" she squeaked, as they squeezed her tighter. The four snickering boys let go of her. Remus and Peter hugged their goodbyes and headed off towards their parents, who were waiting for them further along the platform.

"Well, bye Lils," Sirius said, hugging her tightly, and she grinned, squeezing him back, "I'll miss you!"

"See you in less than twenty-four hours," Lily said, and Sirius sighed.

"So long!" he whined, and she rolled her eyes, shoving at him. He walked over to charm Remus' parents, subtly giving the couple a moment.

"Well see you tomorrow," Lily said, giving James a quick kiss.

"Love you," James said, and Lily beamed up at him.

"Love you too," she said, and with another kiss, made her way through the platform to the muggle world.

* * *

"Fancy seeing you here."

Lily jumped as a deep voice sounded behind her, and she turned to beam at her four boys, all of whom beamed back, before jumping up and giving them all hugs.

"I'm sorry, I've forgotten who you are," James said, scratching his head, "James Potter, nice to meet you," he said, holding his hand out, and Lily smacked it as the other three sat down. James grinned and put his arm around Lily's shoulder's placing a quick kiss on her temple.

"Did you bring it?" Lily asked the boys, and Sirius snorted.

"We're not that stupid, Lily," Peter said, and Lily shrugged.

"You never know with you Marauders," she said, sliding onto the bench as they all scoffed, "So who's going to read this thing?" she asked

"On it," Remus said, pulling the book out from one of his pockets, and placing it on the table in front of him

"This is so exciting," Sirius said, bouncing on his seat, causing the whole umbrella to shake.

"Sirius you cannot bounce when the table and all the seats are connected," Remus said exasperatedly, and Sirius pouted as Peter chuckled.

"**Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"**

* * *

**You guys win.**

**You'll have to give me tons of time between each chapter though. Patience is a virtue! Hope you're all as excited as I am.**

**REVIEW. **


	2. The Worst Birthday

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. The bolded writing below is taken directly from 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' written by J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

"**Chapter One: The Worst Birthday"**

"I'm instantly depressed," James said, dropping his head to the table, and Remus shot him a nasty look.

"Is this going to be like the last book where people interrupted all the bloody time?" Remus asked, and Peter shrugged

"How am I supposed to know? I wasnt there," he said dejectedly, and Remsu rolled his eyes as Sirius snickered.

"Wormtail has a point, he needs to experience what he missed out on," Sirius said, and Lily shot him a nasty look.

"No he doesn't. Nobody needs to experience that fresh hell," she said, and James sniggered, "Stop laughing, you're supposed to be depressed," she said, and James rolled his eyes as the other three laughed.

"So there were a lot of interruptions last time?" Peter asked, and Remus threw him a look.

"Emphasis on last time," Remus said, looking sternly at Sirius, "That's in the past," he said, and Sirius winked.

"It's cute that you think you can control me," Sirius said, and Remus groaned, turning back to the book as James and Sirius exchanged a devilish grin and Lily smacked her forehead.

**"****Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive.****"**

"Oh my Merlin, who finished the last piece of bacon?" Sirius gasped, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as James and Peter snickered. Remus looked at her with a pleading expression.

"Remus if you can't control them, what makes you think I can?" she asked, and Remus sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose slowly, as if trying to calm himself down.

"Someone ate the last scone!" James said, and Sirius' eyes widened.

"This is the apocalypse! We know how much Vikas needs his scones!" Sirius squawked, and the five of them burst out laughing.

"So, so you kept annoying this guy by saying different names beginning with V?" Peter asked, and Lily smiled and nodded.

"Yes, drove him spare," she said, and Peter smirked.

"Why don't we like him?" Peter asked, and James sighed.

"You'll see Pete, he's evil," James said, and Peter nodded.

"And he's fat," Sirius cut in, and Lily shot him a warning look.

"We don't hate people because they're fat," she scolded, and Sirius winked at her as the other three snickered.

"And he's married to Lily's sister?" Peter said, and Remus nodded.

"In the books, not currently," Lily said.

"This is going to get so irritating," Sirius grumbled, and Lily smirked at him.

"Taste of your own medicine," she said, then beamed at Peter, "Nice to have you here," she said, and he smiled at her as Remus and James laughed at Sirius' affronted expression.

"Thanks Lily."

"**Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning****"**

"Because he'd rolled over and almost crushed Petunia to death," Sirius said, and James sniggered, reaching across to hi-five his best mate as Remus started to hit his head with the book in his hands and Peter grinned.

"Looks like the fat jokes are back," Lily sighed, rubbing her temples, "I forgot how infuriating reading the books with Sirius was," she said to Remus, who grimaced.

"The brain tends to block out painful memories," he said, and Lily laughed.

"**by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room.****"**

"What is he doing in there?" Peter asked, and the others burst out laughing.

"Who knows mate, this is Prongs' child," Sirius said, and James stuck his tongue out at him.

"It's his owl, Hedwig, you morons," Lily said, looking at them all as if they were mad, and the three boys adopted embarrassed expressions as Remus snickered.

"In my defence, I didn't know that," Peter said, and James snorted in amusement as Sirius rolled his eyes

"That's not fair, he's going to get out of trouble by saying that," Sirius said, and Peter shrugged.

"I also missed the first book," he said, and Sirius grimaced.

"Fair point."

**"Third time this week!" he roared across the table.****"**

"ROAR!" Sirius said loudly, alarming a family of four at the next table, and Lily whacked his arm as the other boys laughed.

"Behave!" she squeaked, looking around, "We're in public!"

"People need to be more alert anyway," Sirius shrugged, and James laughed.

"You sound like this mad Auror my parents know," he chuckled, "Constant Vigilance!" he said in a deeper voice, and the others chuckled.

"This is going to be a long book," Remus sighed, and Lily smiled at him sympathetically.

"Well mate, you're the one who volunteered to read the first chapter," James said, "It's your own fault."

"Oh shut up James," Lily said, and he grinned at her as the others laughed.

"**"If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!"****"**

"Like you have any right to do that," James scoffed, and Lily shot him a stern look.

"Just embrace the interruptions, love," Sirius said happily, spreading his arms so Peter had to duck in order to avoid getting hit, "It's just a part of the books!"

"Shouldn't we be concentrating for when something important comes up?" Remus asked, and James shrugged.

"We did in the last one," he said.

"You know, if you associate funny memories to something, you're more likely to remember things," Peter chirped, and Lily shot him a furious look as James and Sirius beamed.

"I have never been happier to have you around," Sirius said, throwing his arm around Peter.

"Yes but this is just sheer irritation," Remus said, rolling his eyes, "doesn't apply."

"It works with any strong emotions," Peter said, and Remus groaned as Sirius and James sniggered and Lily dropped her head to the table

"Cheer up love," James chuckled, kissing her on the head, "We're only a few sentences in, you can't get down now!"

"There are chapters and chapters of interruptions to look forward to!" Sirius said happily, and the three boys sniggered as Remus and Lily adopted miserable expressions.

**"****Harry tried, yet again, to explain.****"**

"This kid never learns," Sirius said, shaking his head.

"At least he's trying," Lily said, shrugging, "Better than just giving up."

"Yes mummy," James said under his breath, and Lily shoved him as the others laughed.

**"She's bored," he said. "She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night****-****"**

"You can't keep an owl caged up!" Remus squawked, and Lily's jaw dropped as the three other Marauders grinned devilishly.

"Remus! You just interrupted!" Lily squeaked, and Remus looked down in shame.

"Welcome to the dark side," James said, beaming at Remus, who sighed.

"If you can't beat them, join them, right?" he said bitterly, and Lily groaned, dropping her head into her hands.

"Come on Lil, you know you'll give in eventually, you did last time," James said, and Sirius sniggered.

"Anyone else thing that sounded very rapey?" he asked, and James snorted as the other three laughed.

**"Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.****"**

The four Marauders burst out laughing at this, Lily biting her lip to stop herself from laughing as they attracted odd looks from passerby.

"I've missed this kid," Sirius said, wiping at his eyes, "He's such a cheeky bugger."

"Harry," Lily chastised weakly, shaking her head, still shaking with restrained laughter.

"Don't even," James chuckled, "That was bloody brilliant."

"Was he this funny in the last book?" Peter asked, and the other four nodded, "Damn."

"I never know how to respond to this question," Sirius said, and Remus shrugged.

"Have you ever noticed that whenever someone asks this question, they tend to look stupider than usual?" he asked, and the others laughed.

"That is true," Lily giggled, "Dorcas asked me this the other day, and as she said it she fell off the bed and landed in a heap on the floor," she said, and the boys burst out laughing.

"Sounds like a female Padfoot," Peter said, and Sirius' eyes twinkled.

"Interesting," he said, adopting a wolfish grin.

"No," Lily said, and Sirius pouted as the others laughed, "You will not sleep with my friend."

"Lily, I don't disrespect women that way!" Sirius gasped, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the others laughed.

"Don't bullshit with me, Sirius," she said, "I'm serious."

"No, I am," Sirius replied, and Lily let out a strangled noise as the four boys laughed.

"Don't worry, he'll behave," James said, ruffling Lily's hair playfully, "Let's get back to the book, I want to know how Harry's going to respond to this."

"**"I know what'll happen if that owl's let out."****"**

"Yeah, the noise will stop," Remus grumbled, and Sirius groaned.

"I got so excited! I thought Harry had said that," he whined, dropping his head to the table as the others laughed.

"This is the 'announce before you read' thing all over again," Lily said, shaking her head in amusement, "Sirius couldn't tell if someone was reading or not," she said to Peter, who was looking confused as the other chuckled.

"Sirius can't do lots of things," Peter said, and Sirius stuck his middle finger up at Peter as the others laughed.

**"****He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia.****"**

"I sense the sexual tension," Sirius said wisely, and Lily's face contorted with disgust as the boys sniggered.

"That's _disgusting_, please, never again, just, don't," Lily said, shaking her head as if trying to get the mental image out, as the boys laughed.

"You've distressed the Lily!" Remus laughed, as Sirius gasped and shifted over so he was sitting next to Lily. He wrapped his arms around her, one around her head so his hand was on her face, and the other around her shoulders, holding her to him.

"There, there," he said, stroking her face, as Lily squirmed and giggled, trying to get out of his grasp as the other three laughed, "Don't worry, all will be well."

"Get _off!" _Lily squealed, unable to use her arms as he'd pinned them to her sides, "James! Help!"

"This isn't very feminist of you," James chuckled, shoving Sirius off his girlfriend.

"Fuck off," Lily said, and the boys laughed as she attempted to get her hair back in place, "Never touch me again," Lily said ot Sirius, who winked at her.

"Can't make any promises," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the four boys laughed, James putting his arm around Lily.

"I don't understand what it is the owl can do that's so evil," Remus said, and Lily laughed.

"What is it with you and this owl?" she asked, and Remus reddened slightly as the others laughed.

"I just don't understand what he means," Remus grumbled.

"Moony, we've established dear Vardon doesn't know what he's talking about," Sirius said, and the others snorted.

"It's probably because he doesn't want Harry communicating with people from Hogwarts," Lily said, and Remus flushed as the other three laughed.

"Did you forget the use of owls, Moony?" James teased, and Remus stuck his tongue out at him as the others continued to laugh at him.

**"****Harry tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch from the Dursleys' son, Dudley.****"**

"Charming," Lily said, as the four boys laughed so hard they weren't making sound anymore.

"How do you even react to that?" Peter asked, laughing, "You're about to say something and someone burps mass-"

Sirius belched loudly, alarming people at the tables around them, and the others burst out laughing, Peter dropping his head to the table as he laughed.

"Thanks, I know now," Peter said, and Sirius grinned.

"Anytime mate," he said, before grinning at Lily, who was looking at him with a half-disgusted-half-amused expression, "Love you Lily!"

"Yes, yes," she said, rolling her eyes, grinning, trying not to notice the disgusted glances they were receiving from people seated around them.

**"****"I want more bacon."****"**

"You are bacon," James said, and the other four burst out laughing, Lily half-heartedly hitting James on the arm.

"I cannot handle these fat jokes," she said, and he grinned down at her.

"Is that not cannibalistic? Given he had a tail?" Sirius asked, and Remus rolled his eyes as Lily and James giggled.

"He didn't fully turn into a pig," Peter said, and Lily smirked.

"That's because Hagrid said he probably had too much pig in him to begin with," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Your bloody memory irritates me sometimes," James said, throwing his arm around her affectionately, and Lily giggled, leaning into him.

**"****"There's more in the frying pan, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son.****"**

"Would it not bother you to see how fat your son is?" Peter asked, and the others laughed.

"It would bother me," Lily said.

"Why? Do you not want a fat child?" James asked, "Would you not love it? What if Harry got fat?" he asked, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other three boys laughed.

"I want a healthy child, not a fat one," she said, and James snorted, "Besides, Harry's scrawny. I have nothing to worry about," she said.

"At least you don't call him Sweetums," James grumbled, and Lily laughed along with Remus and Peter as Sirius scrunched his nose.

"Honestly Evans, what is it with your sister and nicknames?" he asked, "What was that ridiculous one in the first book?" he asked, turning to Peter, who shot him a sardonic look

"Stop asking me questions about the book I missed," Peter said, and Sirius smiled at him apologetically as the other there laughed.

"Dinky Duddydums," Remus said, sniggering to himself, and the five of them burst out laughing.

"That has to be my favourite name in existence," James said, sniggering.

"Other than Lily Evans, of course," Lily said stiffly, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as the others laughed, and Lily shot him a cheeky grin.

"**"We must build you up while we've got the chance... I don't like the sound of that school food..."****"**

"Build him up while you've got the chance?" Sirius asked, bewildered, "How much more do you want to fill him up?"

"Maybe he'll turn into a balloon and fly away," Peter said, and the other four laughed.

"A fat balloon," Sirius said, "A balloon of fat."

"Now you're just being disgusting," Lily said, her face contorted with distaste, causing the boys to laugh.

"And you're surprised?" Remus asked, and Lily grinned at him as Sirius shot him an affronted look.

"Moony!"

"Mate, even you can't battle this one," Peter said, and Sirius sighed dejectedly

"Prongs nobody likes me," Sirius said, and James grinned at him.

"I love you!" he said, and Sirius grinned soppily at him.

"Oh _Prongs_!"

"And I'm third wheeling," Lily said, and the four boy laughed, James nudging her playfully.

**"****"Nonsense, Petunia, I never went hungry when I was at Smeltings," said Uncle Vernon heartily. "Dudley gets enough, don't you, son?"****"**

"I should think so, given how massive he is," James said, and the other four chuckled.

"I'm trying to imagine what food this Smeltings place gives," Lily said, scratching her nose, "I mean, to have produced Vernon, who's bigger than any animal I've ever seen," she said, causing the boys to chuckle, "And Dudley, who, well, let's not even," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Must be some good food," Remus said.

"Or balloons of fat," Sirius said, and the other four adopted disgusted expressions, Peter even gagging a little

"That has to be the most disgusting thing you've ever said," James said, his eyes closed in disgust, "Never speak that phrase again," he added, and Lily, Remus and Peter nodded in agreement. Sirius however looked thrilled with himself.

"How big is Dudley, exactly?" Peter asked, and James shrugged.

"Harry called him a beach ball in the first book," Lily chirped, and Sirius rolled his eyes

"Honestly woman, I'm getting your memory removed, " he said, and Lily pouted as the others laughed.

**"****Dudley, who was so large his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair, grinned and turned to Harry.****"**

"Run! He's going to eat you!" Sirius squawked, flailing his arms around.

"You haven't even had any ice cream," Remus said, bewildered, causing the others to laugh.

"His bottom is so large it droops over either side of the chair?" Lily asked, her voice pitch getting higher as she continued to sentence, ending on a squeak, "That's so horrible!"

"Answer your question, Wormtail?" James asked, and Peter snorted.

"How does he walk?" Peter asked, and the others laughed.

"Using his legs, Pete," Sirius said, and Peter rolled his eyes.

**"****"Pass the frying pan."****"**

"Get up and get it yourself, fat arse," James said, and Lily giggled.

**"****"You've forgotten the magic word," said Harry irritably.****"**

"I always say that to my parents," Lily giggled, and Sirius gasped loudly, scaring her, "What?" she asked, placing her hand on her heart.

"You interrupted! You're one of us!" Sirius said happily, and Lily's eyes widened as the other three started to cheer.

"Welcome!" Remus said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"You're all stupid," she said, and the boys beamed at her.

"You're too kind," Sirius retorted, blowing her a kiss.

"The magic word is please, right?" Peter asked, and the other four rolled their eyes.

"Yes, Pete, the magic word is please," Sirius said, in an overtly patient tone, causing Peter to redden.

"I was just checking," he said, and Lily smiled.

"It's okay Pete, Sirius is being an arse," she said, raising her eyebrows at Sirius, who pouted massively as the other three laughed.

**"****The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible: Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples.****"**

"That's a bit of an overreaction," Lily snorted, and James sniggered, "What?"

"That's twice you've interrupted now," he said, and she shot him a stern look, to which he just grinned cheekily, before choosing to ignore his statement.

"How ridiculous is that? All he asked for was the magic word and they all lose it! Just because he said the word magic!" Lily said, shaking her head, arms crossed. She realized the table was shaking and looked up, to see that it was because Sirius was laughing.

"What's so funny?" Remus asked, quirking a brow at Sirius, who was now rocking back and forwards.

"Dudley fell off his chair," Sirius wheezed, "With a crash that, that shook the who- the _whole _kitchen!" he managed, bursting into another fit of laughter. His laughter became contagious, and soon all five of them were laughing at the little table outside Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlour.

"Harry is so cheeky," Lily giggled, once they had all calmed down a little, "Honestly, he's such a terror."

"I like him," James said, beaming, and Lily rolled her eyes amusedly

"Of course you would," she said, and he sniggered, "You want a troublemaker child."

"So badly," James agreed, and the other four laughed.

"I love that your sister felt the need to actually scream, Lily," Peter said, grinning, and Lily laughed.

"She's a drama queen," she said, and Remus smirked.

"Must run in the family."

"Are you saying my parents are drama queens Remus?" Lily asked, and Remus gaped at her as the other three burst out laughing.

"She's got you there, mate," Sirius said happily, winking at Lily, who giggled.

"Bet Harry's going to get yelled at," James said, and Lily grimaced.

"Oh well, he'll leave for Hogwarts soon and it'll all be fine," she said, and then squeaked, "I wonder how Ron and Hermione are!"

"I knew she was going to say that after she squealed," Sirius said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Congratulations Sirius, you've cracked the mind of Lily," Peter said, and Sirius smirked.

"Don't you mean the mind of Lily is cracked?" he asked innocently, and Lily gasped as the boys laughed.

**"****"I meant please'!" said Harry quickly. "I didn't mean-"****"**

"Aw bless him, he sounds so scared," Lily said, "And don't you dare say three in a row," she said as James opened his mouth, and he pouted, causing his friends to laugh.

"Well, that's Remus you're hearing..." Peter said, and Lily shot him a sardonic look as he grinned cheekily at her, and the other three laughed.

"**"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU," thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table, "ABOUT SAYING THE 'M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?"****"**

"Ew," Sirius said, and Lily quirked a brow at him.

"Spit?" James asked, and Sirius nodded.

"Gross," Sirius repeated, and the others laughed.

**"****"But I-"**

**"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!" roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist.****"**

"Threaten Dudley?" James squawked, taken aback, "is he bloody joking?"

"Fat bastard," Sirius said in agreement.

"If anything he was just teaching him manners," James said, and Remus quirked a brow at him.

"I see Lily's having an effect on you, thinking about manners," Remus said, reaching over and patting James on the cheek, earning a stoney look in return as the other three laughed.

**"****"I just-"**

**"I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"****"**

"I actually hate this man," Peter said, and the other three Marauders started to clap, cheering happily.

"Welcome to the club Wormy!" Remus said, clapping Peter on the back.

"Once you express your dislike for Venkat, you're one of us," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes amusedly as the four boys broke into a massive fit of laughter.

**"****Harry stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet.****"**

"That's a bit ambitious of her," Remus said, and the other four burst out laughing.

"Can you imagine, Petunia trying to lift that up?" Lily giggled, the image of her stick thing older sister attempting to pull up a walrus imprinted in her mind, "Oh I'll never get over this."

**"****"All right," said Harry, " all right..."**

**Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.****"**

"HAH!" Sirius yelled, causing the four of them, and a number of others in their vicinity, to jump violently, "Your son is a genius!" he sniggered, "A winded rhinoceros!" he continued to snigger, and the other three boys joined in, Lily shaking her head and giggling.

"You're awful," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"Your son said it, I didn't," he winked, and Lily balked as the boys laughed so much.

"My poor baby has to put up with so much shit," Lily said, crossing her arms on the table, and James smiled at her, placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Lil, we'll make sure this doesn't happen," he said, and Lily sighed, nodding her head.

"Honestly, it's like you already have a child," Remus muttered, and the couple shot him amused looks as Sirius and Peter snickered.

**"****Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment, because Harry Potter wasn't a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it is possible to be.****"**

"That's a bit unfair of Vishnu," Sirius said, causing the others to snort, "You'd think he'd be a little bit nicer to someone who could potentially murder him," he said, and Lily laughed.

"Harry's only eleven," she said.

"Twelve," James chirped, and Lily quirked a brow at him, "The chapter's titled 'the worst birthday'," he said, and Lily laughed as he shot her a cheeky grin.

"Honestly, how could you not pick up on that?" Sirius said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Is this where they recap the last book with him finding out he's a wizard and such?" Remus asked, and Lily groaned.

"Sounds like it."

"Good, Wormtail can catch up," Sirius said, and Peter shoved Sirius as the others laughed.

"I know the jist of it," he said, and Sirius smirked, throwing his arm around Pete in a brotherly manner.

**"****Harry Potter was a wizard - a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.****"**

"WHAT?" James said, and the others laughed.

"**And if the Dursleys were unhappy to have him back for the holidays, it was nothing to how Harry felt.****"**

"Unsurprising mate," Sirius said, clapping Lily on the shoulder.

"Why are you patting me?" Lily asked, bewildered, causing the boys to snigger.

"Well, lots of him is in you somewhere, isn't it?" he asked, and Lily flushed bright red as the other three burst out laughing.

"Maybe you should pat James and Lily simultaneously," Peter said, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as Sirius leaned over so he was patting both of them.

"Yeah, you're pretty much comforting Harry," Lily said, and Sirius winked at her, causing all of them to laugh.

**"****He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomach ache.****"**

"I know the feeling," Lily sighed.

"Harry's just a massive preachmaster," Sirius said, and the others snorted.

"A preachmaster?" James asked, and Sirius nodded.

"He's preaching our thoughts," Sirius said, and James chuckled.

"Stomach aches are annoying," Peter said, and Remus snorted.

"Thanks for sharing," Remus said, and Peter pinked as the others laughed.

"**He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master),****"**

"Good boy," Sirius and James said in unison, and Lily shook her head in amusement as Remus and Peter chuckled.

"Honestly, sometimes I worry you're the same person," Lily said, and the two grinned at her.

"Worry?" Sirius squawked

"That's just rude," James said, and Lily giggled.

"**the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and, especially, Quidditch, the most popular sport in the wizarding world (six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broomsticks).****"**

"I miss Hogwarts," Remus said after a moment's pause, and the other four sighed.

"Can you believe we only have a year left?" Lily asked, "I mean, this time next year we would have left for the last time, like, we'll never go back, everything's going to be different," she said, and the boys grimaced.

"We'll also be sitting here this time next year hanging out together," James said, kissing her on the head, "Don't worry so much."

"I don't like change," Lily grumbled, and Sirius snorted in agreement.

"I see where Harry gets his inner preachmaster from," Sirius said, and Lily laughed.

**"****All Harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-the-line Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home.****"**

"Hey!" Lily said, and the boys' heads snapped up, "That's awful!" she added, looking furious, "How's he supposed to do his homework?"

"Or practice Quidditch?" James chirped in, and Lily rolled her eyes as the others sniggered.

"There are more important things, James," Lily said, and he nudged her, causing her to giggle.

"**What did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer? What was it to the Dursleys if Harry went back to school without any of his homework done?****"**

"Looks like Harry's siding with James on this one," Sirius said, as Lily gaped and James beamed proudly.

"What is it with you boys and Quidditch?" Lily asked, exasperated.

"I thought you were a fan Lil," Peter said, and Lily shot him a nasty look as the other three boys sniggered.

"I'm not obsessed like you lot," she said, looking specifically at James, who winked, "It's a great game and all, but my worlds not going to revolve around it."

"I'm breaking up with you," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the other three boys laughed.

"Like that's ever going to happen," Remus said, and Lily grinned at James, who winked back

"**The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a matter of deepest shame.****"**

"Wouldn't have guessed," Peter said

"That seems so out of character of the Dursley's," James said sarcastically, and the five of them laughed.

"**Uncle Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world.****"**

Lily, James, Sirius and Peter all turned to look at Remus, who quirked his brow at them.

"Er, what?" he said, and Lily beamed.

"Aren't you going to say anything about your new girlfriend, Hedwig?" she asked, and Remus snorted as the other four burst out laughing.

**"****Harry looked nothing like the rest of the family.****"**

"You're bloody welcome," James said, and Lily clucked her tongue as the other boys laughed.

"James, manners," she said, and he sniggered.

"Nice try," he said, and Lily looked up to the heavens as if pleading for a boyfriend with manners, as the others laughed.

"**Uncle Vernon was large and neckless****,"**

At this Sirius and James tucked their heads down, and spread their arms out as if demonstrating how big they were, causing Lily to snort and Remus and Peter to snigger.

"Why don't fat people have necks?" Peter asked, and Remus snorted.

"They have necks," he said.

"You just can't see them because theier multiple chins are hiding it," Sirius said, and Lily sent him a chastising look as the boys sniggered.

"**with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony;****"**

"Must run in the family," Sirius said, and Lily shrieked indignantly, shoving him, as James, Remus and Peter roared with laughter.

"You're awful!" Lily shrieked, giggling, as she shoved Sirius again, "Horrible bloody wanker, you are," she said, and Sirius beamed at her.

"You're too kind, my love."

"What is it with you lot and comparing me to animals with giant arses?" she asked, "you're calling me a horse, Remus called me an elephant."

"That was months ago!" Remus spluttered, as James, Sirius and Peter howled with laughter, and Lily grinned at him.

"Don't worry Lil, they're wrong," James said, putting his arm around her, "You're not bony," he added, a nasty smile on his face, and Lily shrieked again as the other three laughed.

"James!"

"**Dudley was blond, pink, and porky.****"**

"Oink," Sirius siad, and Remus huffed, slamming the book down on the table.

"Was that even necessary?" Remus asked, and Sirius smirked as the other three snickered at Remus' irritation.

"**Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes and jet-black hair that was always untidy. He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar.****"**

"I'm sorry, but I'm genuinely just imagining first year James with green eyes," Sirius said, and James huffed, crossing his arms, as the others laughed at him

"Don't worry James, Sirius is wrong," Lily said, giggling and leaning on him, "you didn't have a scar," she added, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as the others roared with laughter, "How does that feel? Doesn't it hurt?" she teased.

"I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter," James deadpanned, and the other four laughed, Lily leaning into James and pressing a kiss against his cheek.

**"****It was this scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard.****"**

"At least I wasn't unusual," James said, his statement greeted by silence.

"Well this is awkward," Sirius said, and James stuck his middle finger up at them as they all laughed.

"Fuck you guys, I have other friends," James grumbled, as they continued to laugh, "I don't need this."

"We love you too," Peter said, and James pulled a face as they continued to laugh.

"**This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before.  
At the age of one year old,****"**

"See, he's twelve," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes as he grinned cheekily at her.

"No matter what you say James, we embarrassed you real good a few moments ago," she said, and James groaned as they all laughed

"But I was right!"

"Okay James," Remus chuckled.

"**Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time, Lord Voldemort, whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak. Harry's parents had died in Voldemort's attack, but Harry had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow - nobody understood why -Voldemort's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry.**

**So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her husband.****"**

"I died too!" James said, and the others laughed, "This is the second time you haven't cared about my death! Ungrateful sprog," he grumbled, as the others continued to laugh.

"What can I say James, I'm just much more valuable to him," Lily said, and James shoved her as she continued to giggle.

"That's it, no existence for you," James said, glaring at the book, and the others roared with laughter, "You are not being made. I refuse."

"I call dibs on impregnating Lily!" Sirius yelled, and James shot him a look of mingled amusement and irritation as the others laughed, and Lily giggled.

"**He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why he kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys'story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents.  
And then, exactly a year ago,****"**

"Exactly a year, see, he's twelve!" James preened, and Lily smacked her palm to her forehead as the other four laughed.

"Yes, okay James, you were right, well done," she said, and he grinned widely, obviously pleased with himself.

"**Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at wizard school, where he and his scar were famous... but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly.****"**

"I want to roll in it! That sounds incredible," Sirius said. Remus looked at Sirius, before turning away and addressing Peter, pretending he hadn't spoken, causing the others to laugh.

"All caught up?" he asked, and Peter saluted.

"Good, no more questions," Sirius said

"That's not fair," Lily said, shaking her head, "He's allowed to ask as many questions as he wants," she said, and Peter smiled at her.

"Thanks Lily."

"You sound like a mother," James grumbled, and Lily shot him an amused smile as the other boys sniggered.

**"****The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday. Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake - but to ignore it completely...****"**

"Bastards," James grumbled, and Lily didn't even bother to chastise him, she was glaring at the book so ferociously.

"Do they forget he's their nephew?" she said, adopting an angry reddish hue, "How dare they? You can't treat a child like that!"

"I'll buy you loads of things, Harry," Sirius said, and Remus nodded in agreement.

"Yeah! We'll give you great birthdays!" Remus said

"Hear hear," Peter said, and Lily and James smiled at them.

"Well apparently at this point in time we're unsure of whether he'll exist, because someone's overly sensitive," Lily said, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as the boys laughed, "But if he does exist, that would be great, thanks," she said, and the boys laughed as James put his arm around Lily's neck and pulling her towards his chest, holding her captive as she squealed and giggled.

**"****At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly and said, "Now, as we all know, today is a very important day."**

**Harry looked up, hardly daring to believe it.****"**

"Poor kid," Remus said, shaking his head sadly

"It's so sweet that he still hopes," Peter said sadly, "Like, it just shows how evil they are."

"Couldn't have said it better myself, Pete," Sirius said.

**"****"This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career," said Uncle Vernon.****"**

"I hope it messes up and you lose your job, and are forced to live on the streets and eat out of the garbage," James said, and Lily snorted.

"I would, but I'm morally obligated to want the best for my sister," she said, and the boys laughed.

**"****Harry went back to his toast. **_**Of course**_**, he thought bitterly, Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party . He'd been talking of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills).**

**"I think we should run through the schedule one more time," said Uncle Vernon.****"**

"Schedule?" Lily spluttered, bewildered, "What does he mean by that? Don't tell me they have schedules times and activities," she gasped, horrified, and the boys burst out laughing

"At least if we ever have to make any business deals you'll make the evening enjoyable and normal," James said, kissing her on the cheek.

"If we get married," Lily said, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as his friends sniggered

"When," Sirius said, and Lily flushed.

"**"We should all be in position at eight o'clock. Petunia, you will be -?"****"**

"In position?" Peter said, raising his eyebrows, "Like, a specific place you have to stand at eight?" he said, looking around at the other four as if hoping he was mistaken and they would correct him

"It, er, it sounds like it," Remus said, scratching his head and frowning, "I mean, what else would it mean?"

"Maybe it's him saying the house should be ready and everyone should be dressed...?" James suggested, and Sirius snorted.

"I think you've all got your hopes up too high," he said, and Lily grimaced in agreement, "You're giving Vikas too much credit."

"What's Petunia going to say though?" Remus asked, "I'll be at the door?" he said, causing the others to snort.

**"****"In the lounge," said Aunt Petunia promptly, "waiting to welcome them graciously to our home."****"**

"This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Lily said, as the four boys burst out laughing, "Worst part is, I can actually hear Petunia saying this."

"Why would you plan a dinner party out this way?" Remus asked, bewildered, causing the other three boys to laugh harder, "So much could go wrong and it would just ruin your night!"

"Oh ignore them," Lily said, as Remus' expression changed to one of embarrassment as his friends kept laughing, "I completely agree with you," she said, and Remus grinned at her.

"Glad I have one sane person around," he said.

"Oi!" Sirius yelped, and Remus snorted.

**"****"Good, good. And Dudley?"****"**

"Attempting to get his fat arse off the toilet," James said, and Lily shoved him playfully as the other three burst out laughing

"Would his fat get suctioned in?" Sirius asked, and Lily closed her eyes in disgust as the boys howled with laughter.

"Can you imagine? You can't get up because your arse is stuck in the toilet!" Peter laughed, and the boys continued to roar with laughter.

"You'd get suction marks!" Remus wheezed.

"Can we not please?" Lily said weakly, giggling, as the boys continued to laugh, "we're getting weird looks," she said, eyeing the women at the table next to them shooting them disapproving glances.

"Let them look," Sirius said, spreading his arms wide, and Lily shook her head fondly.

**"****"I'll be waiting to open the door." Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"****"**

"I wouldn't hand my coat to him, I'd be scared he'd eat it," Lily said, and the boys burst out laughing.

**"****"They'll love him!" cried Aunt Petunia rapturously.****"**

"Love to study him, more like," James said.

"Goodness Lily, your sister has to stop creaming herself every time Dudley pretends to be polite," Sirius said, and Lily spluttered as the boys sniggered.

**"****"Excellent, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry. "And you?"****"**

"Guesses?" Sirius called, interrupting, and Remus sighed, placing the book down as Lily shot him a sympathetic smile.

"I say he's in the kitchen," James said, and Sirius nodded.

"Excellent guess, Mr. Prongs," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes, "Ms. Flower?"

"Refusing to answer to that ridiculous name," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

"I say he's locked up in his room," Peter said, and Sirius nodded.

"Morbid and awful, but very good guess, Mr. Wormtail," he said, and Peter took a mock bow, "And you, Mr. Moony?"

"I'm with Prongs on this," Remus said, and James tipped an invisible hat to Remus.

"The moment of truth!" Sirius announced, gesturing to Remus, who picked up the book.

**"****"I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry tonelessly.****"**

"And Mr. Wormtail wins!" Sirius said, as Lily stared at the book, horrified.

"That's awful," she said, and James grimaced, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Well done Pete," Remus said, clapping him on the back, "You've known Harry for smallest amount of time and you win!"

"Beginners luck," James called, turning away from his whispered conversation with Lily, who giggled and leaned on him as Peter stuck his tongue out at James.

**"****"Exactly," said Uncle Vernon nastily. "I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight-fifteen-"**

**"I'll announce dinner," said Aunt Petunia.****"**

"I feel like we weren't cruel enough to Venkat," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

"Those will be the longest fifteen minutes of that poor couples lives," James said, shaking his head sadly, and the others burst out laughing.

**"****"And, Dudley, you'll say-"****"**

"Food? Oh, sorry, I ate it all," James said, and Lily shoved him playfully as the others laughed.

"Very probable," Sirius sniggered, leaning around Lily to clap James on the shoulder.

**"****"May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?" said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.****"**

"And she'll respond with, I can walk you fat lump, can you?" Sirius said, and James sniggered, hi-fiving Sirius across from Lily as Remus shook his head in amusement as Peter laughed.

"Or he'll accidentally knock her over with the fat that swings from his arm as he holds it out," James said, and Sirius nodded, grinning at James.

"Highly likely Prongs, a worthy alternate."

"Will you two ever grow up?" Lily laughed, shaking her head fondly as she looked between the two boys.

"I sincerely hope not," Sirius said, and Lily giggled.

**"****"My perfect little gentleman!" sniffed Aunt Petunia.****"**

"Sirius, don't say it," Lily said, holding her hand up in front of Sirius' face as he opened his mouth to speak. He closed his mouth and shot her a devilish smile as the other three boys sniggered.

**"****"And you?" said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.****"**

"Will be loudly singing the Hogwarts school song while standing on the dining room table," Sirius said, and the others burst out laughing.

"I would pay so much money to see that," James said, sniggering, supporting the giggling Lily against his side.

**"****"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry dully.****"**

"Didn't see that coming," Lily said bitterly.

"Don't worry Lil, we'll call Dudley 'Dinky Duddydums' every day of his life," James said, and Lily giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist.

**"****"Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?"****"**

"They're planning out compliments?" Remus snorted.

"Remus, you have to plan these things out, you should know, you're the arse kisser of our group," Sirius said, and Remus snorted as Lily, James and Peter laughed.

"Only because you three get in trouble and someone has to weasel us out of detentions," Remus said, and the other three grinned at him.

"Thank you Moony," they said in unison, and Remus grumbled under his breath as Lily laughed.

**"****"Vernon tells me you're a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason... Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason..."****"**

"I wouldn't go around telling a married man he's good with sticks and balls," Sirius said, and the others, sans Peter, burst out laughing

"I don't get it," Peter said, looking at Lily, who sighed.

"Basically golf is played with long clubs that look kind of like sticks, and you hit a ball with them, so when we were at my house, Sirius started teasing Vernon about playing with sticks and balls," she said, and Peter nodded in understanding as the other three started laughing again.

**"****"Perfect... Dudley?"****"**

"This should be good," Sirius sniggered, and Remus shot him an annoyed look, before turning back to the book, as James, Lily and Peter bit their lips to hide their laughter.

**"****"How about - 'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you'****?""**

"I may vomit," Remus scoffed, making a disgusted noise and placing the book down on the table, eyeing it as if it had personally insulted him, as the other four laughed.

"How would you even react to a fat kid telling you that?" Sirius wheezed, rocking back and forth with the force of his laughter, "I think I'd burst out laughing right in his face!"

"Stop Padfoot! I'm gong to pee!" Peter choked, holding onto his stomach.

"This poor couple," Lily giggled, shaking her head, "My sister is such an idiot."

"Bet she goes absolutely mental over this one," James said, and Lily laughed.

**"****This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing.****"**

"That's my boy," James said happily.

"She burst into tears? Massive overreaction," Sirius sniggered, shaking his head as Lily looked at the book in disgust.

"What has become of her?" she asked, and the boys burst out laughing, "At least she'd decently funny and normal right now. He's ruined her!"

"She didn't seem decently funny and normal," Sirius said, and Lily snorted.

"Well she's not," she said, and the boys laughed, "But she get's a good comeback in there occasionally," she grinned, and James chuckled, ruffling her hair.

"Stop picking fights with your sister," he said, and Lily pulled a face as the other boys laughed.

**"****"And you, boy?"**

**Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.****"**

"I am so proud of him," James said, wiping away an imaginary tear, and Lily rolled her eyes as Sirius sniggered.

"He's a Marauder at heart," Sirius said, and Lily groaned, causing them all to laugh.

**"****"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," he said.****"**

"Think they'd notice if he forgot to say the 'no'?" Sirius mused, "I mean, he's said it so many times now, he could easily change it around and disobey them."

"Yes, but he does want to live," Lily said, and the boys sniggered, "I have no doubt they would murder him."

"Yeah, they'd just make Dudley sit on him," Sirius said in a somber tone, causing them all to burst out laughing.

**"****"Too right, you will." said Uncle Vernon forcefully.****"**

"No need to be bloody forceful, he's already said it," Sirius snorted, and Remus huffed.

"I swear to Merlin Sirius," Remus said, and Sirius looked at him.

"You do? That's nice," he said, eyes twinkling mischievously, and Remus glared at him as Lily, James and Peter laughed.

"**"The Masons don't know anything about you and it's going to stay that way. When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I'll bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I'll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow."****"**

"Oh please Merlin no," Sirius groaned, covering his eyes, causing the rest of them to quirk their brows.

"What?" James asked, after a few moments of confusion.

"They can't go on holidays! Can you imagine them without shirts on?" Sirius squawked, and James pretended to gag as the others laughed, "Awful!"

"Think of the children," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

"Do you not think it's odd that he doesn't want the boss he's trying to impress know that he's been looking after his orphaned nephew?" Remus mused, and Lily frowned.

"Actually that's a really good point," she said, "He'd gain so many points with that kind of generosity."

"As long as he convinced Harry to say he was the epitome of parenthood," Peter quipped, and Lily laughed.

"I'd like to see him try, Harry's a cheeky one," James said, beaming, and Lily shook her head fondly.

**"****Harry couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive.****"**

"No, they'd feel intimidated by your figure," Sirius said, and beamed at Lily as she dropped her head into her hands.

"I'm actually going a bit insane," she said to Remus, who smirked at her as the others snickered.

**"****"Right - I'm off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And you ," he snarled at Harry. "You stay out of your aunt's way while she's cleaning."****"**

"Well that's rude," Sirius said, "She's stealing Harry's job!"

"Sirius!" Lily hissed, whacking his arm as the other boys howled with laughter, "Don't encourage her behaviour!"

"Sorry Lily," Sirius sung, grinning widely at her, obviously pleased with his own wit.

**"****Harry left through the back door.****"**

"Fascinating, the back door? There must be some significance to that," Sirius said, and James smirked at him as Lily closed her eyes, as if praying for patience.

"I swear, Sirius, I'm actually starting to resent the sound of your voice," Lily said, and Sirius pouted as the other boys laughed.

"Now that's just impossible. Nobody can resent my voice," Sirius scoffed, waving his hand, "You're just saying that to throw Prongs off our scent," he said, winking at her, and Lily rolled her eyes, a smile on her face, as James pretended to look afraid and wrapped his arms around her, holding her to his chest.

"Mine," he said, and Lily shoved him as the other four laughed.

"**It was a brilliant, sunny day.****"**

"Maybe it's prophetic fallacy," James said, and Lily shot him a nasty look as he beamed down at her, "I only interrupt to see you get angry love," he added, and Lily shifted away from him on the bench as the other four laughed.

"**He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:****"Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me..."****"**

"Oh Harry!" Lily squealed, folding her hands in front of her, "That makes me so sad," she sighed.

"Let's make Lily feel better!" Sirius said, clapping his hands, and the other three grinned, sitting up straight, "1, 2..."

"Don't you dare," Lily said, but she was too late.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HARRY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" the boys yelled, clapping their hands in time, and Lily dropped her head in embarrassment as people turned around and started join in or clap.

"Again!" James yelled, and Lily groaned.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HARRY!"

"Lily! Solo!" Remus yelled, and Lily gaped as everyone turned to her expectantly. She looked around at the few bystanders who were watching her, and sighed.

"Happy birthday to you," she sung, and everyone cheered, causing her to laugh, her laughter increasing as the boys started to hug and clap Peter on the back, pretending he was Harry for the bystanders sakes.

"Happy birthday!" they heard a voice say, and saw Mr. Florean Fortescue with a tray of chocolate ice creams, "Complimentary ice creams, Harry," he said, grinning at Peter, who smiled back at him

"Thank you so much," Peter said, shaking hands with him.

"How old are you, young man?" Mr. Fortescue asked, and Lily hid her face in James' arm so he wouldn't see her giggling, as the four boys somehow managed to keep straight faces.

"Sixteen sir," Peter replied, and the man grinned, clapping Peter on the back.

"Just a year left until you're a man, son," he said, before walking off after wishing Peter once more.

"I'm so glad it's your birthday, Harry," Remus choked after the man had left, and the four boys burst out laughing.

"You're all so embarrassing," Lily sighed, grinning, her cheeks flushed a happy red, as she dug into her ice cream

"Oi! We got you free ice cream, you should be thanking us," Sirius chastised, and Lily grinned.

"For shame, wench," James tutted, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the other boys chuckled.

**"****No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist.****"**

"Sounds like every one of my birthdays at home," Sirius grumbled, digging into his ice cream miserably.

"Thanks mate, nice to know you appreciate our party throwing so much," James said

"Not like we throw you a yearly party or anything," Remus snorted, and Sirius winked at him as the others laughed.

"**He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely.****"**

"Oh Harry!" Lily squeaked, looking at the book sadly.

"Another round?" Sirius asked, clearing his throat, and Lily smacked her hand over his mouth as the other three boys laughed.

"Do it and I'll castrate you," she said, and Sirius' eyes twinkled down at her as the other three continued to laugh.

"You're welcome to do countless other things in that region if you want, Evans," Sirius said, and Lily pulled a face at him, trying to ignore the sniggering boyfriend next to her.

"**More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch,****"**

"You better finish this sentence right," James said, throwing the book a stern look.

"Merlin forbid Harry isn't a Quidditch obsessed moron like his father," Peter said, and Lily giggled and hi-fived Peter as James adopted an affronted expression

"Wormtail!" James gasped.

"I'm so glad you're here," Lily said happily, taking another spoon of ice cream as James rolled his eyes amusedly and the other three sniggered.

"**Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.****"**

"Oh alright," James groaned, as Lily raised her eyebrows at him expectantly, "That's allowed."

"Thanks mate, the sentiment is much appreciated," Remus said, and James shot him an amused smile as the other three laughed.

"You know I love you, Moony," James said, and Remus rolled his eyes, grinning as he took another spoon of _chocolate _ice cream.

"**They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all.****"**

"I'm sure they miss you!" Lily chastised.

"**Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.****"**

"What?" Sirius asked, flabbergasted, "Ronald!"

"That's not possible," Lily said, shaking her head, "They love Harry, why haven't they written?"

"Maybe-" James started, and Lily held her hand up.

"No, somethings gone wrong," she said, and James rolled his eyes in amusement, having been just about to say that, "They obviously aren't capable of getting through to him."

"Nobody's arguing with you, Lily," Remus chuckled, and Lily flushed as the boys smirked at her.

**"****Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk.****"**

"No, the Dursley's would be furious," Lily said.

"Not to mention doing underage magic outside of school is illegal," James said, and Lily flushed as the boys laughed.

"I'd have thought that would be your first reaction!" Remus teased.

"Lily, you've let us down," Sirius said, and Lily sorted.

"If anything I've proven you don't know me, I'm full of surprises," she said, and the boys laughed, Sirius ruffling her hair in a brotherly manner.

"Yes, okay Ms. I-need-to-have-the-last-word," James said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the others laughed.

"Lily," Peter said, frowning, "Wouldn't there be ways of unlocking the cage without magic? I mean, muggles have to open them somehow, don't they?" he asked, and Lily gaped at him as the other three boys raised their eyebrows.

"That's an excellent point Wormtail," Remus said, sounding surprised, "They'd have keys wouldn't they?"

"Or some sort of massive weapon to break the lock with," James said, and Lily shot him a sardonic look, receiving a cheeky grin in response.

"They would have keys," Lily agreed, "Maybe the Dursley's have hidden them?"

"Under rolls of fat?" Sirius suggested, and Lily shoved him as the others snickered.

"**Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school.****"**

"Abiding by the rules," James sniffed, "Such a good boy."

"Oh shove off," Lily scoffed, and James chuckled, entwining his fingers with hers as the others laughed.

"Lily you must be so proud," Sirius goaded, and Lily shot him a nasty look as James joined in the laughter.

"**Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this; he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick.****"**

"Harry!" Lily chastised, and the boys snorted.

"What are you chastising for? That seemed valid to me," James said, and Lily clucked her tongue.

"He should tell them he can't do magic," she said, and then sighed, "No actually, forget that, he's smarter than I am," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Good Lily," Remus teased, and Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm not a dog, Remus," she said, and he winked at her as the others laughed.

"You're dating one," Sirius said, and James stuck his tongue out at him as the others laughed.

"Nah, Padfoot mate, that's you," Peter said, and Sirius rolled his eyes in amusement.

"**For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him.****"**

The four boys sniggered as Lily shook her head, trying to fight off a smile and losing spectacularly**.**

"I absolutely love this boy," Sirius said, snickering, "Love him."

"It's because he's like me," James said, and Sirius rolled his eyes, reaching around Lily to shove James in a brotherly manner as James snickered to himself.

"Do me a favour," Remus said, looking up at Lily, who quirked a brow, "Please encourage Harry to do this after you have him," he said, and Lily giggled as the others laughed

"And invite us all to bear witness," Peter chirped, and Lily clucked her tongue

"Don't be mean," she said, smirking, "He's already fat, what more does he need?" she asked, and the boys roared with laughter

"How fast do you reckon he can run?" Sirius asked, sniggering.

"Why?" James asked, bewildered.

"Harry's said he's running as fast as his fat legs could carry him," Sirius said, and James frowned slightly, looking around, before smirking and nodding towards a point on the streets. They turned to see a massively overweight toddler attempting to run, falling spectacularly on his face, and bursting into tears.

"James!" Lily scolded, giggling, as the four boys started sniggering and the mother of the child helped him up, with what looked like a considerable amount of effort.

"I think I'd scare fat people just to watch them run," Sirius said, smirking devilishly, "The jiggling just makes me feel so happy."

"You're disgusting," Lily said, as the other three howled with laughter, "I thought you were going to say something nice, along the lines of, to get them some exercise," she added bitterly and Sirius scoffed.

"Please Lily, I don't have time for that. Besides, it's not my fault they're fat, they can bloody make themselves exercise, that's hardly _my _responsibility," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes, giving up, as the others laughed.

"**But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appea****l"**

"Ronald Weasley I am so disappointed in you," Sirius said, crossing his arms, and Remus sighed dejectedly, dropping his head to the table, causing the others to laugh, "How can you depress Harry to the point of taunting _Dudley _losing it's appeal?"

"I agree," James said, shaking his head, "it would take a whole lot of depression for me to stop enjoying taunting Vernon," he said, and Lily giggled.

"Exactly!" Sirius said, throwing his arms up exuberantly, "Ronald Weasley, when I meet you, you are in so much trouble."

"These meetings are going to be so interesting," Peter said, and the others laughed in agreement.

"I'd love to see Lily meeting whoever Harry ends up marrying when she's a child," Remus said, and Lily balked as the boys laughed.

"Think it'll still play out that way if we change time?" Peter asked, and James shrugged.

"They'd all still be born at the same time," he said, "Besides, love doesn't have to do with time, it has to do with people."

"Mate," Sirius sniffed, wiping away an imaginary tear, "That was beautiful," he teased, and James rolled his eyes, embarrassed, his cheeks flushing, as the other four laughed.

"It's okay James, I thought it was sweet," Lily giggled, kissing him on the cheek, causing him to grumble irritably as they continued to laugh.

"I think it's been confirmed that Harry got his poetry skills from James," Remus said, and James dropped his forehead to Lily's shoulder as they all laughed, Lily reaching up to pat his cheek absent-mindedly, still giggling.

"**- and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.****"**

"No they haven't Harry! Have faith!" Lily said, and the boys snorted.

"What if they have Lily? What would you do?" Remus asked, and Lily snorted.

"That's not what's happened so I refuse to answer your question," she said, and the boys laughed.

"You're so cute when you're irritated," James said, pinching at her cheek, and Lily swatted his hand away as the others laughed.

"Touch my face one more time, Potter, and Harry will never exist," she said, and James smirked.

"As if," he said, as his friends laughed, "You love him too much to deny his existence."

"Go away," Lily grumbled, and James grinned at her.

**"****What wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He'd almost be glad of a sight of his archenemy, Draco Malfoy,****"**

"That's taking it too far," James said, and Sirius scoffed in agreement.

"Prongs, I'm going to forget Sprog said that," Sirius said, and James snorted.

"As am I Padfoot."

"You're both ridiculous," Lily said, and they both pulled faces at her, causing Remus and Peter to laugh.

"**just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream...****"**

"That would be the worst dream ever," Remus said, and Lily shrugged.

"I think it'd be a fantastic dream in itself, but in Harry's case, no it would be awful if it was a dream," she conceded, and Remus bowed to her, causing her to flush as the boys laughed.

"To be fair," Sirius said, throwing his arm around Lily, "I'd be so proud of my imagination if it came up with a dream like that."

"I think I'd just be upset when I woke up every morning," Peter said.

"Touche," Sirius grimaced.

**"****Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun.****"**

"Oh here we go again," Sirius groaned, leaning on Lily, who sagged slightly under his weight, "Go ahead Prongs junior, recap the Voldemort part for us," Sirius said, and Lily shoved him, looking around fearfully as Sirius uttered the name.

"It could be taboo, you idiot. We're not in Hogwarts anymore," she said, and Sirius shrugged.

"There are tons of people in Diagon Alley, they won't find me," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance as the others laughed.

"**At the very end of last term, Harry had come face-to-face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself. Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power. Harry had slipped through Voldemort's clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes—****"**

"Why would you put yourself through recapping that?" Remus grimaced, "It was bad enough the first time around."

"If Death Eaters didn't swarm the place after that little speech, they're not coming," Sirius said to Lily, who shove dhim playfully as the others laugehd.

"We should have a shot of Firewhiskey every time they say his name," James said, and Sirius' eyes widened.

"Tha'ts a brilliant idea!" Sirius said excitedly, "We should play a drinking game!"

"Why do you always ocme up with these mad ideas?" Lily asked, exasperated, turning to James, who beamed down at her, "You are not playing this ridiculous game," she said, looking sternly between the two boys, woh pouted.

"I second Lily on this," Remus said, "It's annoying enough having you two reading this sober," he said, and Peter nodded his agreement as the two boys pouted.

"Maybe later Prongs," Sirius said, and James sighed.

"I always have my best ideas when I'm not allowed to use them," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes at Remus, who chuckled.

**"****Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench.****"**

"What? What's happened?" Peter asked, alarmed.

"Voldemort wouldn't have turned up this early in the book," Sirus said, looking completely relaxed, "Have no fear. It's probably Dudley having fallen over and caused an earthquake," Sirius said, and Lily scoffed as the other three laughed.

"Somethings happened, he's not that jumpy," Lily said, and Sirius shrugged.

"He'll manage."

"**He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge - and the hedge was staring back .****"**

"Hedges don't have eyes, mate," Sirius said, and James barked a laugh.

"Whatever's hiding in there obviously does," he said, and Lily squeaked.

"What makes you think somethings hiding in there?" she asked, and James quirked a brow.

"Hedges don't have eyes, mate," Sirius repeated, and Lily flushed as the boys sniggered.

**"T****wo enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.****"**

"Maybe McGonagall's back!" Sirius said excitedly, and Lily beamed.

"That would be so great," she said happily, "Just when he's thinking about missing the magical world."

"It's not McGonagall," James snorted, and both Lily and Sirius shot him scandalized looks, "She doesn't have a reason to be there."

"She sat on a wall all day for no reason the last time," Sirius said, and Lily nodded.

"Maybe she's checking up on him," she suggested, and James shook his head fondly.

"Mcgonagall doesn't have time to go check on twelve-year-olds," he said, and Lily scoffed crossing her arms.

"But he's special."

"Agreed, but I think James is right," Remus said, and James took a small bow, causing both Lily and Sirius to shoot him nasty looks.

"What could it be then?" Peter asked, and Remus shrugged.

"Some animal."

"He wouldn't have mentioned it if it was just a cat, or something insignificant," Lily reasoned.

"I'm not saying it's an errant animal. I'm just saying it's not McGonagall," James said, and Lily sighed.

"I hate you," she said, and James shook his head in amusement as the others laughed.

**"****Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.****"**

"If it's Malfoy I'll kill someone," Sirius said, and Remus rolled his eyes

"It's Dudley," Peter said, patting the agitated Remus on the back.

"Thanks, Pete," Remus said, massaging is temples as Lily hid her giggles on James shoulder.

**"****"I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him.****"**

"Congratulations," James scoffed, and the others laughed.

"Stop it James, you have to encourage his learning the days of the week, it's progress," Lily said, and James grinned down at her.

"Too right you are Lil, my sincerest apologies," he said, and Lily tipped her invisible hat at him, causing him to laugh.

"If you two are done being cute, I'd like to keep reading," Remus said, grinning at the couple, who flushed but nodded.

**"****The huge eyes blinked and vanished.****"**

"No!" Sirius groaned, clapping his hands onto his face, "Damn it Dinky Duddydums!"

"They'll be back," Lily said soothingly, and Sirius pretended to cry, causing her to roll her eyes as the others laughed.

"But I want them now!" Sirius cried, and Lily scoffed.

"Shut up Dudley," she said, and Sirius gasped, dropping his hands immediately as his friends snickered madly.

"That is the rudest thing you've ever said to me," Sirius said, crossing his arms moodily, and Lily giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I love you!" she said, and Sirius snorted, trying to fight off a smile.

"Oh alright," Sirius said after a few moments, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she continued to giggle.

**"****"What?" said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.**

**"I know what day it is," Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.**

**"Well done," said Harry. "So you've finally learned the days of the week****.****"****"**

"Harry Potter, you cheeky bastard, you," Sirius sniggered, leaning over and ruffling James' hair.

"Why did he just-?" Peter started, and Remus snorted.

"Because Harry looks like James, Sirius pretends James is Harry sometimes," Remus said, and Peter nodded, smirking as Sirius leaned over Lily completely, so she had to lean back, and pinched both of James' cheeks, ignoring James' flailing limbs trying to push him off.

**"****"Today's your birthday," sneered Dudley. "How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you even got friends at that freak place?"****"**

"Die," James said harshly, and Lily was too irritated to correct him.

**"****"Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school," said Harry coolly.****"**

"Good boy Harry, good comeback, keep your head," Sirius said, thrusting his fist with every phrase.

"Sirius you don't need to coach him," Lily said exasperatedly, "he's not in a wrestling match."

"He might as well be," James grumbled.

"Well if he were we'd have a problem, Dudley's far too heavy for Harry to take on," Lily said, and James stuck his tongue out at her grinning face as the others laughed.

"If Harry can take on a mountain troll, he can take on a Dursley," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the boys laughed.

"Yes but he wasn't alone when-"

"Whose side are you on?" James teased, and Lily flushed as the boys sniggered.

**"****Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.****"**

"How is that even possible?" Sirius asked, and Remus quirked a brow.

"The pants falling or the pants being big enough to fall?" Remus asked, and Sirius made a strangled noise.

"I'm going to go with both," Peter said to Remus, who smirked as Sirius shook his head in confusion.

"I would love to try those on," James said, beaming, and Lily laughed.

"Why would you want to try on Dudley's trousers?"

"To see how many of us would fit in there, of course," James said, and the boys grinned widely as Lily shook her head in amusement, "Come on Lily! Don't tell me you're not curious!"

"I don't think of these ridiculous things, thanks," she said, and James pouted at her as his friends laughed.

**"****"Why're you staring at the hedge?" he said suspiciously.****"**

"Because Merlin forbid you stare at a hedge," Peter muttered, and the others laughed.

"Obviously! He must be plotting something!" James said.

**"****"I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire," said Harry.****"**

"Harry Potter!" Lily chastised, giggling madly as the boys sniggered loudly.

"I love this kid," James said, kissing Lily on the cheek, "Best kid ever."

"Dudley's going to shit himself," Sirius sniggered, causing the five them to start on another round of laughter.

**"****Dudley stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face.****"**

"He's setting the hedge on fire, you moron, not you," Remus said, looking irritated at Dudley's cowardice, causing the other four to laugh loudly.

"His fat face," Sirius snickered, and Lily shook her head in amusement as the boys laughed.

**"****"You c-can't - Dad told you you're not to do m-magic - he said he'll chuck you out of the house - and you haven't got anywhere else to go - you haven't got any friends to take you-"****"**

"Now that's just hitting below the belt," James said angrily, crossing his arms.

"He's a twelve year old fat boy whose mother calls him Dinky Duddydums," Lily said flatly, "I think karma's had its way with him," she said, and James smirked as the other three laughed.

**"****"Jiggery pokery!" said Harry in a fierce voice. " Hocus pocus - squiggly wiggly - "**

**"MUUUUUUM!" howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. "MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"****"**

"He couldn't have honestly believed those were spells," Remus said, aghast, as the other four seemed to be dying of laughter.

"Give-give me a m- a moment," Lily wheezed, descending into further squeals of laughter.

"Muuum! Muuuuuum!" Sirius mimicked, causing all of them to succumb to laughter once more, Remus giving in and laughing along with the rest of them.

"Bet Petunia's going to give Harry hell for this," Lily grimaced, and James sniggered.

"What does it matter? That was brilliant. Completely worth the punishment," he said, and Lily shot him a chastising look, earning a wink in return

"He must be seriously depressed if that's starting to lose it's fun," Sirius said sadly, shaking his head, causing the others to laugh.

"Honestly though, muggles cannot believe those are spells," Remus said, and James shrugged

"Remember that movie we watched at Lilys? The, er-"

"Fairy God Mother," Lily said, and James smirked, causing her to flush

"Yes, her, she was saying something stupid and transfiguring everything, what was it?" James asked, turning to Lily, who sighed.

"Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo," she said, and James grinned as the other boys chuckled.

"I still say she was non-verbally transfiguring and just saying junk to throw Cinderella off," Sirius said.

"I'm lost," Peter said, raising his hand, and the others laughed

"Don't worry about it, mate, this has nothing to do with Harry," Sirius said.

**"****Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun.****"**

"Petunia, you bitch," Lily said, and James chuckled, kissing her temple.

"**As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really done magic,**

"Oh," Lily said, causing the boys to burst out laughing.

"Do you retract your previous statement?" Sirius asked, and Lily scoffed as the other three laughed.

"Never," she said.

"**but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished.****"**

Lily made a noise, as if to say 'I-knew-it', while the boys grimaced.

"A frying pan?" James squawked, "Isnt that a bit extreme? In humane?"

"Yep," Lily said simply, and Sirius flicked her hair, causing some of it to fall off her shoulder.

"No fear Ginger-Flower," he said, and lily shot him a nasty look as the other boys laughed, "He'll be back in Hogwarts with hte feasts in no time."

"With his friends who don't write to him," Lily grumbled, and Remus made a noise of protest.

"Oi! You're the one whose remained positive!" he said, and Lily grimaced.

"Lily's still believing the best in people, she's just upset," James said in a baby voice, stroking Lily's arm soothingly, "Lily just needs Harry to leave Privet Drive, doesn't she?"

"Yes, you big buffoon," she said, unable to hold in her laughter at his baby voice, leaning on his side as he grinned triumphantly at Remus, who shook his head fondly, grinning.

**"****While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream,****"**

"Fat bastard," Sirius grumbled

"Sirius, we're lolling around and eating ice cream," Lily said exasperatedly, and Sirius had the decency to look abashed as the others laughed.

"**Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench. The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck.****"**

"That's awful," Lily said, shaking her head, scrunching her nose, "He's twelve, Petunia."

"I'm exhausted just listening to that," Sirius groaned, turning so he could lie across Lily's lap, placing his head in James', causing her to giggle and James to roll his eyes, pinching Sirius' nose shut, "Mate, I can still breathe through my mouth," Sirius said, and James covered Sirius' mouth as well.

"Padfoot!" James squawked, as Sirius licked James' hand. He pulled his hand away and wiped it on Sirius' shoulder as the others laughed.

"Mate I don't know why you're squirming, Lily's fine," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement, resting her elbows on Sirius' stomach, "Oi!" he siad, but otherwise made no movement to get up.

"Get off me," James grumbled, and Sirius smirked.

"Well if you'd rather I stick my face in Lily's lap..."

"You filthy mutt," James chuckled, as Lily flushed violently and Remus and Peter sniggered.

"I'm going to keep lying here." Sirius said, stretching his arms above his head, "It's surprisingly comfortable. Harry's going to be a very lucky boy."

"Oh shut up Sirius," Lily said, and Sirius opened his eyes to grin at her as the others laughed.

"Prongs if you could just lean to the right a little, that would be brilliant, the suns in my eyes," Sirius said, and James rolled his eyes, leaning to the left, causing Sirius to stick his middle finger up at James as the other three laughed.

"**Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley's bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself... maybe he didn't have any friends at Hogwarts...****"**

"Rubbish, that's a horrible thing to think, Ronald's much better than that," Sirius said, and Lily shot him a nasty look, "Maybe his owl died."

"Sirius!" Remus chastised, and Peter sniggered.

"Moony, I swear you've developed some new sensitivity to owls," Peter said, and Remus flushed as the others laughed.

**"****Wish they could see famous Harry Potter now , he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flower beds, his back aching, sweat running down his face.****"**

"I think that would be a humbling experience," Sirius said, and Lily shot James a nasty look as the boy grinned down at his best mate, "Seeing a celebrity elbow deep in shit."

"Yes thank you Sirius, your comments were muchly appreciated," Lily said dryly, and Sirius laughed, raising his arm to stroke her face, causing her to slap his hand away.

"Don't worry Lily, I'm here for you," he said, and Lily groaned, hiding her face in James' side as Sirius' hand kept searching for her face to stroke it, causing the other three boys to laugh.

**"****It was half past seven in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him.****"**

"He's been working from breakfast to half past seven in the evening?" Peter asked, bewildered, "That's awful!"

"At least she called him and didn't have him work through the night," Lily said, and the boys grimaced.

"At least he gets to eat now!" James said, trying to cheer Lily up, and Sirius moaned.

"Yes, Sirius, we get it," Remus groaned, causing the others to laugh.

"I'm hungry," he said, placing his hand on his stomach, where Lily's arm was resting, causing Remus to snort.

"Sirius, if you wanted to hold my hand you could just ask," Lily giggled, and Sirius grabbed her hand firmly in his, causing her to laugh as he winked cheekily at James, who rolled his eyes.

**"****"Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!"****"**

"Why does he need to walk on the newspaper? What good will that do?" Sirius asked, and Lily sighed.

"She meant so he doesn't get the floor dirty, not for the sake of walking on newspapers," she sighed, and the other three boys burst out laughing as Sirius reddened slightly.

"That makes more sense," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes, "You know Ginger-Flower, I'm really enjoying this hand-holding, I haven't had this much intimacy with someone in a long time," Sirius said, and Lily snorted.

"Says the boy who's currently lying on my boyfriends crotch," she said, and the boys laughed.

**"****Harry moved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonight's pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven.****"**

Sirius' stomach grumbled loudly and he moaned, causing the others to laugh.

"I swear, you eat much more than any one person needs to," Remus chuckled, and Sirius beamed.

"Thank you Moony!" he said happily, and Remus rolled his eyes, "Moony?" Sirius said, and Remus raised his eyebrows

"Yes?" Remus asked, and Sirius sighed.

"I'm really hungry."

"Oh fuck off," Remus chuckled as the others burst out laughing.

"I'm hungry!" Sirius whined, "hungry, hungry hungry!" he whined, and Lily rolled her eyes. She grabbed a clean tissue from the table, balled it up, and shoved it in Sirius' mouth as he continued to sing 'hungry' over and over again, causing the other three boys to burst out laughing, "Evans!" Sirius yelped, spitting the tissue out of his mouth and onto the floor. He sat up quickly, so he was sitting right next to Lily, "I could've died!"

"At least you wouldn't have been hungry anymore," Lily said innocently, and Sirius' lips twitched with laughter as the others laughed

"It's not safe to lie down anymore," he said to Peter, as he sat up properly, and Remus grinned.

"Oh good, Lily doesn't need to be jealous over your intimacy with Prongs' crotch anymore," Remus said, and Lily shrieked indignantly as the boys laughed.

"I had no such emotions," Lily said, and James ruffled her hair.

"Don't lie," he said, and Lily flushed.

"I'm not lying!"

"Then why are you blushing?" he asked, and Lily's jaw dropped as he grinned cheekily down at her and the others laughed.

"I'm a redhead!" she whined, and James winked at her.

"You can only use that excuse so many times, love."

"It's not an excuse!"

"Sounds like you're trying awfully hard to convince us," James said simply, eyes twinkling mischievously as they did when he knew he'd won, and Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

"Die," she said, turning away from James, and the four boys sniggered.

**"****"Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!" snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table.****"**

"Oi! What happened to that loin stuff?" Sirius asked, and James snorted

"Figures the only word you'd remember is loin," he said, and Sirius winked roguishly at him, causing James to chuckle.

"That's awful," Peter said scrunching up his nose, "Bread a lump of cheese?"

"I'm really craving some loins now," Sirius said, wagging his brows, and Lily shoved him as Remus hid his face and both Peter and James sniggered dirtily.

"Pig," she said, and Sirius winked at her.

"No," James said, pulling Lily towards him, and Sirius pouted as the rest of them laughed.

"**She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress.****"**

"I hate her," Lily grumbled, crossing her arms, and James exchanged a bewildered glance with Remus, "I wish I looked good in that colour," she grumbled, and the boys burst out laughing.

"I'm sure you could," James chuckled, "You'd look beautiful in anything," he added, and Lily flushed a fiery shade of red.

"And in nothing, I'd wager," Sirius said, and Lily whacked the back of his head as the others laughed.

**"****Harry washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper.****"**

"Don't eat so fast, you'll choke," Remus scolded, and Lily shot him an amused look.

"Remus maybe _we_ should get married," Lily said, and Remus rolled his eyes as the rest of them laughter and James pretended to pull out his wand.

"Think you can steal my woman, do you?" James said, and Lily grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling him back down onto the seat as he started to stand up, causing the rest of them to laugh. James plopped onto his seat and shot Lily a cheeky grin, earning a mildly chastising look in return.

"Don't worry Harry, I'll feed you enough loins!" Sirius said, and Lily's face contorted with disgust.

"If you ever utter that sentence again I'll murder you," she said, and Sirius grinned wickedly at her as the other boys sniggered.

"Oh Lily, without you my life would be so dull," Sirius said, ruffling his hair.

"Thanks mate," Peter said, and Remus chuckled.

"That's supposed to be my line," James said sulkily, pouting at Sirius, who rolled his eyes with a grin on his face.

"Face it Prongs, Lily has brought much meaning to my life," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes, "the silence of the lack of whining about why Evans won't go out with you, the beauty that is the lack of screaming matches to observe," he said, and James stuck his middle finger up at Sirius as Lily, Peter and Remus roared with laughter.

"I have to admit Sirius, life would be oddly dull without you," Lily said, and Sirius beamed widely, kissing her smack on the cheek.

"Do you love me more than Prongs?" Sirius asked, and Lily giggled as James shot Sirius a sardonic look.

"**The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate. "Upstairs! Hurry!"****"**

"What? No time to rest and digest?" Sirius gasped, and Remus quirked a brow at him.

"Rest and digest?" he asked in a bored voice, and Sirius nodded wildly

"Those moments of peace where you've just eaten and you sit back and just bathe in how satisfied you are," he said, and Peter snorted.

"I think you're getting eating and sex mixed up," he said, and Sirius shot him an amused look as Lily, James and Remus laughed.

"Besides," James said, "That food isn't nearly good enough to, what was it?" he asked Lily, who smirked.

"Bathe in how satisfied you are," she said, and James snapped his fingers.

"Yes, exactly," he said to Sirius, who was regarding him bemusedly

"Sorry mate, it's hard to take you seriously when you're finishing each others sentences," Sirius said, and both Lily and James flushed as the other three sniggered.

**"****As he passed the door to the living room, Harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets.****"**

"They probably look like very smartly dressed penguins," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

"Fat penguins," Sirius corrected, and Lily rolled her eyes, grinning.

"How big do you reckon those jackets are?" James asked

"Why? Trying to figure out if we'll all fit in one?" Lily asked, and James beamed down at her, nodding his head, as the others laughed.

"**He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the door bell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs.****"**

"Shouldn't he be at the door?" Remus asked, and Peter shook his head

"No mate, that's Dudley's job," Peter said, and Remus nodded.

"Ah, of course," Remus snorted.

"See, this is why you need a schedule," James said, slamming his hand on the table, and Remus rolled his eyes as the others laughed.

"Remus! How could you forget the image of Dudley eating coats?" Lily asked, and Remus smirked at her.

"And Petunia creaming herself at his gentlemanliness!" Sirius hissed, and Lily scrunched her nose in disgust as James snickered.

"My bad," Remus said, holding his hands up in surrender, and the others snickered.

**"****"Remember, boy - one sound-"****"**

"What happens if Harry has a massive coughing or sneezing fit? They can't expect him to hold that in," Sirius said, and Lily shot him a stern look

"Well let's hope Harry isn't unwell," she said, and Sirius winked at her.

"Always, my love," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

"What about the bathroom?" James asked, and everyone looked at him expectantly when he didn't continue

"Want to finish that question any time soon?" Peter asked after a few moments, and James flushed as they all smirked at him.

"What if Harry uses the bathroom and the flush sounds and the Masons can hear it?" James asked, and Sirius snorted.

"He probably has a litter box in his room," Sirius said, and Lily snorted.

"That he has to clean himself," Lily said bitterly, and the boys laughed.

**"****Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe****,**** slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed.****"**

"I absolutely love just falling on my bed," Sirius said.

"There's _one _phrase left! Did you have to?" Remus asked, and Sirius winked at him as the others laughed.

"Need to get a final interruption in there," Sirius said, aghast.

"Merlin Moony," James said, shaking his head in disappointment, and Remus snorted as Lily and Peter laughed.

"**The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.****"**

"Who?" Sirius asked, and Remus shrugged

"That's where the chapter ends," Remus said, and Sirius whined.

"Turn the page and find out!" Sirius said, and Remus rolled his eyes

"That would be cheating," Remus said,a nd Sirius pouted at James, who shrugged.

"Mother Moony has spoken," James said, and Remus pulled a face as the others laughed.

"You know," Peter said, looking at his wristwatch, "There's more than enough time to read another chapter, maybe even two, before we part ways."

"Peter's right," Lily said, looking down at her own watch, "We could grab lunch and read the next chapter after."

"Not a bad idea," Sirius said, standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

"Not a bad idea?" Remus snorted, getting up and shoving the book in his jacket pocket, "Wasn't it you who was whining about hunger?"

"Yeah I thought you were on the verge of starvation Padfoot," Peter said, and Sirius grumbled.

"Let's just get some bloody food," Sirius said, grabbing Lily's hand and dragging her forward.

"That's mine!" James yelled after him, and Sirius let out a bark of laughter as he and Lily led the way to the closest source of food.

* * *

**Hello all! Here's the first chapter reading chapter (chapter?). Hope you enjoyed it! I'm thrilled that the first chapter got over thirty reviews (!), let's keep the reviewing up! TMATSS hit 700+ reviews, so let's try and get TMATCOS up to 1K! (please!)**

**A lot of you asked in reviews if I was going to do the whole series. To be honest, I'm just going to see how it goes. If I start hating writing this kind of stuff I won't continue (obviously), but at the same time I really want to do POA. So yeah, basically I have no idea what I'm doing in the future. We'll have to wait and see. I do assure you though that I'll finish off this one haha (: Sorry I couldn't be more informative.**

**Also, lots of you have said stuff about Peter. To be honest, I want to have him around, because I think people forget that before Peter betrayed them they were all best friends. And who knows what happens in the next few books (wink wink).**

**AND- one last thing. I'm saying this for the entire story, not just this chapter, but I really mean no offence with anything I type. If I have offended or in the future offend you I am extremely sorry, and just know that I meant no offence. **

**Hope you guys enjoyed it! Write to you soon!**

**REVIEW. **


	3. Dobby's Warning

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, nor any of the characters written by J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

"I feel like I need looser clothes," Lily grumbled, pulling at the stomach of her shirt as they finished off their meal, her waistline feeling uncomfortably tight.

"Why?" Remus laughed, and Lily scowled.

"For when I eat too much and I look like I'm pregnant," she said, pulling the shirt out, causing the boys to chuckle

"You never look pregnant love," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"I'm already dating you, no need to be so nice," she said, and James rolled his eyes as the other boys sniggered.

"My sincerest apologies, you fat walrus," James said, throwing his arm around her shoulders as she shrieked indignantly.

"That's an awful thing to say!" Lily squeaked.

"You're the one who said not to be nice."

"Yes but you don't have to be awful," she said, and he grinned at her.

"Love, you know I'm joking, you never look fat."

"I'm bloated today," she grumbled, poking at her stomach, and James snorted.

"Every time you tell me you're bloated I never see the difference from when you're not."

"What?" Lily squeaked, "I always look like this?"

"I swear there's no winning with you."

"You're absolutely incorrigible, all I asked was-"

"And I answered, you mad woman."

"James Potter, I'll have you know-"

"So where shall we go read?" Remus asked, his voice shaking with restrained laughter as Lily and James continued to bicker

"Why aren't we going back to ice cream?" Sirius asked, and Peter shrugged.

"Could look a bit odd, us returning to read some more," he said, and Sirius sighed, crossing his arms grumpily

"Why don't we go sit in the Leaky?" Lily suggested, and James scrunched his nose in distaste.

"I hate the Leaky," he grumbled, and Sirius snorted

"Sorry it doesn't live up to your rich boy standards," he teased, and James scoffed as the others laughed

"It's just full of odd people," James said, and Lily nodded.

"Exactly! Nobody will question us if we sit around reading a book and looking like fools," she said, and Remus grinned

"She's got a point," he said, and James grumbled.

"Bloody fine, let's go to the stupid Leaky," he said, and Lily giggled.

"If you sing Happy Birthday again we might get free drinks," Peter said, and James grinned

"Okay, let's go to the Leaky," he said happily, and Lily rolled her eyes, shoving James playfully as the others laughed. They reached the Leaky and sat down at one of the tables.

"See, we don't look so odd," Sirius said, eyeing a witch who was trying to train her cutlery to dance, and Lily giggled.

"Who's going to read this chapter?" Peter asked, and Remus shrugged

"I refuse to do it again," Remus said, shooting Sirius a nasty look, and Sirius blew him a kiss.

"I'll do it," Peter said, "It'll be like a right of passage thing," he said, and the others laughed as Remus handed Peter the book.

"Good luck," Lily said to Peter, eyeing Sirius, who was grinning widely in anticipation.

"**Chapter Two: Dobby's Warning"**

"What the hell is a Dobby?" James asked, and Remus snorted

"Obviously its a person," Remus said, "Otherwise it wouldn't have been able to give a warning."

"No self-respecting parent would name their child Dobby," Sirius said, and James smirked at him as Peter snickered.

"Okay, forget the Dobby part," Lily said, rolling her eyes, "What do you think he could be warning Harry about?"

"Oh," James said stupidly, "Forgot about that second word," he said, grinning at Lily, who shook her head in amusement as the others laughed.

"I have no idea, seems a bit early in the book for something dramatic though," Remus grimaced, and Lily laughed.

"You look exhausted Remus!"

"Two chapters in a day really takes it out of a person," he said, dropping his head to the table, "Especially when you're reading and attempting to tackle Sirius," he added, and Sirius snorted as James ruffled Remus' hair and the other two grinned.

"**Harry managed not to shout out,****"**

Sirius yelled loudly, and Lily looked around, only to realise nobody cared in The Leaky.

"Why are you yelling?" Peter squeaked, taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

"I couldn't hold it in like Harry could," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes as James sniggered madly and reached over to bump fists with his best friend.

"**but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls.****"**

"Oh!" James said, and Lily quirked a brow at him, "It's a house elf."

"Really?" Lily said, looking towards the book interestedly, "I've never seen a house elf outside of Hogwarts."

"Have you not? Didn't you see the one at Prongs'?" Remus asked, and Lily shook her head.

"Didn't realise he had a house elf," she said, and James rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably as Sirius snickered, "But we were only there for a few hours."

"Fair point," Remus said, and Sirius shrugged.

"Well that's what a non-Hogwarts house elf looks like, Evans, a house-elf," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other three boys laughed.

"Thanks Sirius, I feel very enlightened," she said, and Sirius pat her on the head as the others chuckled.

"You're not missing much, Lily dear," Sirius said, "they can be a right pain. The Hogwarts ones are alright, I admit. My dear mum's house elf is a right piece of shit."

"Stop being cruel to it," Remus scolded, "If you're mean to him he's going to be mean back."

"He's an awful little snot," Sirius said, rolling his eyes, "Nearly had a coronary when Andromeda eloped with Ted," he said, "And his life ambition is for his head to be cut off and hung in the Noble House of Black," he mimicked.

"Sounds like a charmer," Lily said, and Sirius smirked at her as the other boys laughed.

"How you manage to get Sirius out of a funk every time amazes me," Remus said, and Lily flushed as Sirius beamed at her.

"It's because we're Mudblood and Outcast!" he said, and James shushed him.

"Mate, there are others around, watch your language," he said, and Sirius covered his mouth as if to say 'oops' as the others laughed.

"**Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.****"**

"That makes so much more sense than McGonagall," Peter said, and the others laughed as Sirius pouted.

"I miss her," he said, and Lily snorted.

"I'm not surprised, you spent an inordinate amount of time with her doing detentions this term," she said, and Sirius winked at her.

"She just can't get enough of me," he said, and Remus snorted.

"I'm sure that's it," he said sarcastically, and Sirius pulled a face at him as the others laughed.

**"****As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall.**

**"May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"****"**

"If you listen really carefully you'll hear the sound of him scarfing them down," James said, tugging on one of his ears as the others laughed

"I wonder what Dobby could possibly warn Harry about," Lily said, and Sirius balked.

"So that's what a Dobby is!" he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other boys laughed.

"How could you not have figured that out?" James asked,and Sirius shrugged.

"Why bother when I know one of you will do it anyway?" he said.

"Yeah, why use your brain, not like you need to or anything," Peter said sarcastically, and Sirius stuck his middle finger up at him as the others laughed.

**"****The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet.****"**

"Petunia's not going to like that," Lily sniggered, and the boys laughed.

"Merlin forbid the carpet gets stained!" Sirius said, shaking his head in mock distaste.

"**Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm- and leg-holes.****"**

"So its a working house elf," James said

"Do all house elves wear that?" she asked, and James shrugged.

"They wear something similar, I mean, we want to buy ours clothes but that would mean setting him free, and I think he'd die if we did that," he said, and Lily smiled as the others laughed.

"How come the ones at Hogwarts are so well dressed?" she asked, and James shrugged.

"Dumbledore must have cut them a deal," he said, and she giggled at the thought.

"I think Kreacher would cut his own head off and hang it up if we set him free," Sirius said, smirking, "Maybe I should-"

"Sirius," Lily warned, and he winked at her as the others laughed.

"I don't understand," Peter said, frowning, "What's a house elf doing in Harry's bedroom?"

"Thank you for addressing the elephant in the room," Remus said, and James smirked.

"But he wasn't talking to Lily," he said innocently, and she shrieked indignantly as the boys howled with laughter.

"I didn't say be mean to me, I said you didn't have to be super nice," Lily said, and James smiled at her.

"I'm afraid it's one or the other, love," he winked, and she stuck her tongue out at him as the others laughed.

"Seriously though," Peter said, "Why's Dobby there? Whose sent him?"

"Guess we'll have to read and find out," Remus said.

**"****"Er - hello," said Harry nervously.****"**

"Good start," James said, and Lily shot him an exasperated look as he beamed.

"He came across very confident and calm," Sirius agreed, and Peter groaned.

"I understand," he said to Remus, who grimaced and clapped him on the back sympathetically.

**"****"Harry Potter!" said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. "So long has Dobby wanted to meet you, sir... Such an honor it is..."****"**

"Oh that's so sweet," Lily said, smiling.

"You forget that Lord Voldy has an effect on non-humans as well," Sirius said, scratching his head, "Like, a lot of them are probably thrilled he's gone," he said, and Lily smiled at him.

"I like when you show your compassionate side," she giggled, leaning on his shoulder, and he rolled his eyes as the others laughed.

"He's right though," Remus said, "Harry's probably famous to every living thing," he said, and James beamed.

"My sprog," he said, and Remus rolled his eyes as the other three laughed, "My doing. You're welcome," he said to nobody in particular.

"Do I get no credit?" Lily asked, and James snorted.

"Sprog only cares about you dying, at least let me have this," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the other three laughed.

**"****"Th-thank you," said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage.****"**

"Do house elves bother owls?" Lily asked, and Remus looked at her, exasperated.

"You keep interrupting!"

"To ask questions!" she squeaked, and the boys sniggered, "I'm trying to extend my knowledge," she said, and James smirked.

"No Lily, you're interrupting," he said, and she huffed, crossing her arms.

"Well fine then, leave me in the dark," she said dramatically, and the boys laughed.

"They don't bother owls," Peter said, and Lily grinned at him as the other three chuckled.

"Thanks Pete!" she said happily, and he pinked slightly before turning back to the book.

"**He wanted to ask, "What are you?" but thought it would sound too rude, so instead he said, "Who are you?"****"**

"Oh Lily, aren't you just so proud he's such a well-mannered young man?" Sirius cooed, and Lily groaned as the others laughed.

"He still thought it," she grumbled, and the boys sniggered.

"I see the Lily bashing is back," James said happily, and Lily shot him a nasty look

"You look so torn up about people being rude to your girlfriend, it's heart warming," she said, and James winked at her.

**"****"Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf," said the creature.****"**

"Sorry, I didn't catch that, Dobby is it?" Remus said, and Peter snorted as the others laughed.

"Dobby, just Dobby, Dobby the house-elf," Sirius said to Remus, who nodded as if he'd just learnt it.

"Thanks mate, don't think I would've caught the name without you," Remus said, and Sirius moved his hand in a 'aw shucks' motion.

"You're all crazy," Lily said, and the boys beamed at her.

**"****"Oh - really?" said Harry.****"**

"Yes Harry! How bloody hard is that to understand?" Sirius said, and James shoved his friend amusedly as the others laughed.

"**"Er - I don't want to be rude or anything, but - this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom."****"**

"Oh bless him, trying to preserve his manners," Sirius sniffed, and Lily let out a strangled noise, dropping her head to the table as the others laughed, James rubbing her back.

**"****Aunt Petunias high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.****"**

"Poor Dobby," Lily said, "He seems so disappointed."

"Maybe the pitch of her laugh killed him," Sirius said, and Lily whacked him in the arm.

"That's an awful thing to say," she scolded, and he winked at her, "Don't joke about house elf death like that," she said, and the boys laughed.

"And here I thought you might have started caring for your sister," Remus teased, and Lily scoffed.

"The day I defend something ridiculous Petunia is doing, I want you to make sure I bathe in the blood of seventy virgins, to purify me," she said to James, who snorted and threw his arm around her as the others laughed.

**"****"Not that I'm not pleased to meet you," said Harry quickly, "but, er, is there any particular reason you're here?"****"**

"Oh Harry," Lily said happily, and Sirius turned to James, gesturing to Lily

"She makes it too easy," he said, and James grinned at him as Lily continued to grin moronically.

"Lily, how have your manners been transferred to him without you raising him?" Peter asked, and Sirius grinned.

"Excellent question Wormtail," eh said, and Lily rolled her eyes, causing James to grin, "I believe her manners have transcended her external self and become a part of her genetic makeup now," Sirius said, and Peter 'ah'-ed, turning back to the book as Sirius grinned cheekily at Lily.

"That was actually a very intelligent sentence, well done Padfoot," Remus said, and Sirius shot him a nasty look as the others laughed.

"I am a smartypants," Sirius said, and Lily giggled.

"Of course you are, sweetums," she said, and Sirius shot her a disgusted look as she continued to giggle.

"At least Harry's finally asking about this bloody warning," James said, and Remus snorted in agreement.

**"****"Oh, yes, sir," said Dobby earnestly. "Dobby has come to tell you, sir... it is difficult, sir... Dobby wonders where to begin..."****"**

"The beginning's usually a good place to start," Peter said, and James laughed

"Once you interrupt yourself reading, you've crossed over to the dark side," Lilly said, and James grinned, spreading his arms wide.

"Welcome!"

**"****"Sit down," said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.****"**

"That's nice," Remus said, grinning, "You can always tell what kind of person someone is by how they treat those not equal to them," he said, and Lily beamed.

"I'm so proud," she said, and Sirius rolled his eyes

"Here we go," he said, and Lily shoved him as he started to snicker.

**"****To his horror, the elf burst into tears - very noisy tears.****"**

"What?" Lily squawked, "I don't understand," she said to James, who smiled.

"He's probably never been treated as an equal before," he said, and Lily adopted a bewildered expression

"Why not?"

"I forget you're a muggleborn sometimes," Sirius mused, smiling.

"I don't know much about house elves, just that they like to work and there are a lot of them at Hogwarts," she said, and the boys laughed.

"And of course everything we've learnt in History of Magic," James said, and Lily scoffed.

"We haven't reached the wizard-elf relationships y et," she said, "Haven't you been listening?" she teased, and James shook his head, grinning at her.

"Actually I'm sure we've covered them," Remus said, and Lily balked as the boys burst out laughing.

"It was one of those optional topics," Peter piped up, "It was either that or Goblin Wars," he said, and Lily snapped her fingers.

"Those I remember," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Yeah so you probably didn't choose wizard-elf," Peter shrugged, and Lily huffed.

"Stupid decision," she said, "Did any of you choose it?" she asked, and Sirius nodded, "Please explain."

"It's history Evans, elves have always served wizards, and always been treated as beneath them."

"Of course, you do get families that cherish and treat them equally," Remus said, nodding to James, who flushed as Lily smiled at him.

"But elves are incredibly powerful, surely humans should respect that," she said, and James shrugged.

"They don't though. Elves enjoy being given work, so they've been treated as servants,a nd to be honest they're thrilled," he said, and Lily huffed.

"That's horrible," Lily said, and Sirius shrugged.

"Juts how it is," he said.

"So Dobby's crying because?" Lily asked

"He's not used to be treated as an equal," James said

"And is that insulting to him?" she asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"Depends on his family," he said, and Lily nodded.

**"****"S-sit down!" he wailed. " Never ... never ever..."****"**

"I'm changing my answer to no, it's not insulting," Sirius said, and Lily grinned at him.

"Harry must be mid panic attack at this point," Peter said, "This isn't being in his room making no noise and pretending he's not there," he said, and the others laughed.

"Oh I hope the Dursley's don't get angry at him," Lily said, curling her hands into small fists in tension. James smiled and took her hand, flattening it out in his and rubbing the back of her hand soothingly.

**"****Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.****"**

"Oh no," Peter said.

"It could just be a dip in conversation," Remus suggested hopefully

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, "Merlin knows the Dursley's are rubbish conversationalists," he said, and the others chuckled.

**"****"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything-"**

**"Offend Dobby!" choked the elf. "Dobby has never been asked to sit down by a wizard - like an equal-"****"**

"Oh _Dobby!_" Lily squealed

"Add Dobby to Lily's list of adopted children," Sirius said to Remus, who snorted along with James.

"I feel so bad for him," Lily said sadly, "They should be treated as equals."

"Save it for when you're Minster for Magic, now you're reading the book," James said, and Lily pouted at him as the others laughed.

"You're so mean to me," she said, and James chuckled, kissing her on the temple.

"Don't lie Lily, you enjoy the stern tone," Sirius winked, and Lily shot him a nasty look as the others laughed.

**"****Harry, trying to say "Shh!" and look comforting at the same time,****"**

The four boys burst out laughing at this, as Lily grinned, shaking her head adoringly.

"He's such a cutiepie," Lily squealed, grinning and Sirius held his hand up

"No, I will not let this nicknaming become an Evans woman thing," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys laughed, "I understand your sister and mother do it, but you are not, in any circumstance, allowed to make up mushy nicknames for people," he said, ad Lily pouted

"But Siri-poo!" she whined, her eyes twinkling up at him, and he rolled his eyes, smirking, as the other boys laughed.

"**ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly doll.****"**

"Harry Potter!" Lily hissed, as the boys burst out laughing.

"He's being honest," James said, and Lily clucked her tongue.

"Rude," she said, and James shook his head in amusement.

"**At last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.****"**

"Add another to the Harry Potter fan club," Sirius said, and Lily grinned as the other three boys snickered.

"I think it's sweet that Dobby's got a little crush on Harry," she said, and James spluttered.

"He doesn't have a crush!"

"A fan crush, not a romantic crush, you dumbbutt," she said, and James pouted at her as the others laughed.

"There's nothing dumb about my butt," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as he grinned cheekily down at her.

**"****"You can't have met many decent wizards," said Harry, trying to cheer him up.****"**

"How is that cheering him up? Insulting everyone he knows," Remus said, and Lily laughed.

"He's giving him hope that there are nice people out there," she said, and Peter smirked.

"He's also calling himself decent," he said, and Lily tutted.

"Obviously he inherited something from James. Shame it was the conceited twit part," she said, and James pulled a face at her.

"And I'm being mean," he said, and Lily shrugged.

"I'm only retaliating from when you were being mean," she said, and James scoffed.

"Don't sink to his level Lily!" Remus stage-whispered, and James shot him a sardonic look as the other two boys sniggered and Lily grinned.

"Suppose you're right," she said, then grinned at James, "I love you!" she said, and James rolled his eyes, fighting off a smile.

"Let's just read the bloody book," he said, and Lily giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist as he crossed his arms.

**"****Dobby shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, shouting, " Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"****"**

"What on earth is he doing?" Lily asked, letting go of James and sitting up straight.

"Punishing himself," Remus grimaced, "I hate when elves do that."

"But why's he punishing himself?" she asked, bewildered.

"Elves do it when they feel they've misbehaved," Sirius said, "Kreacher does it when he drops something."

"Why don't you tell them to stop?" Lily asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"My family's cruel, they enjoy it," he said, and Lily tried to hide her disgusted expression, "You can look disgusted, I think it's sick," he said, and Lily smiled at him warmly.

"I'm proud of you," she said, placing a hand on his arm, and Sirius looked at her, bewildered.

"Er, thanks," he said, looking down at the table, a blush gracing his cheeks and a small smile on his face. James grinned at his best mate and reached over, ruffling his hair.

"He must be making an awful lot of noise," Peter said, and Remus groaned.

"Poor Harry's going to be locked up in his room," Remus said, and Lily squeaked.

"Don't say that! You'll jinx it," she said, and Remus grinned at her.

"Sorry Lily," he sung, and she giggled.

**"****"Don't - what are you doing?" Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby back onto the bed****"**

"Thank you Harry," Lily said, shaking her head, obviously disturbed, "So all elves feel the need to do that?" she asked James, who grimaced and nodded.

"It's like you've never seen elves before," Sirius chuckled, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"I've never seen an elf punish itself before, I didn't even know they were that inclined to do it," she said, and the boys smiled at her.

"That's because Dumbledore's forbidden the elves from punishing themselves," Sirius said, and Lily raised her brows.

"Poor Harry," Remus suddenly said, "he's having to deal with being shut up in his room, trying to keep quiet with a house elf screaming and worrying about his friends," Remus grimaced, and Lily sighed sadly

"It'll get better," she said, nodding her head, and James grinned at her.

"Forever the optimist," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"At least Dobby's quiet now," Remus said, "Let's hope the Dursley's heard nothing."

"**- Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.****"**

"Oh for fucks sake," Lily groaned, slapping her palm to her forehead.

"Everything just seems to be going wrong," Sirius said irritably, scratching his forehead, "Poor Harry."

**"****"Dobby had to punish himself, sir," said the elf, who had gone slightly cross-eyed.****"**

"That'll happen if you've beat yourself up on the window," James said, and Lily giggled, leaning on him.

"**"Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir..."****"**

"Knew it," Sirius said, snapping his fingers, and Remus snorted.

"Well done," he said, and Sirius bowed.

"Let it never be said that Sirius Black wasn't a smarty pants," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as James and Peter snickered.

**"****"Your family?"**

**"The wizard family Dobby serves, sir... Dobby is a house-elf - bound to serve one house and one family forever..."****"**

"Okay," Peter said, frowning, "I don't understand why a family would send their house elf though," he said, "Why wouldn't they just send a letter to warn Harry? Or let Harry know who they were?" he asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"Beats me mate, weird things happen to poor Harry," he said, and Peter grimaced.

**"****"Do they know you're here?" asked Harry curiously.**

**Dobby shuddered.****"**

"What?" James squeaked

"I didn't know elves could leave without permission," Sirius said, frowning.

"But, so, wait, Dobby's going against orders by coming to see Harry?" Lily asked, and the boys nodded, "Shouldn't he be punishing himself?"

"He probably did or is going to," James grimaced, and Lily sighed.

"It's a ridiculous system," Lily said, and James smiled at her, putting his arm around her shoulder and rubbing her arm soothingly.

**"****"Oh, no, sir, no... Dobby will have to punish himself most grievously for coming to see you, sir. Dobby will have to shut his ears in the oven door for this. If they ever knew, sir-"****"**

"Wait hold on," Remus said, frowning, "Why does it sound like they don't want Harry to be warned?" he asked, and Sirius quirked a brow.

"Maybe they don't, maybe they're the ones plotting?" he suggested, and Peter frowned.

"Then wouldn't Dobby be strictly forbidden?" he asked, and the others nodded.

"Another question," Lily said, and the boys looked at her, "If Dobby's in a household that wants to hurt Harry, why is he so in favour of saving Harry? Wouldn't he be influenced?" she asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"Elves are of their own minds," he said, "They have it in them to choose differently like I did," he said, and Lily smiled at him.

"Can you imagine how painful it would be to shut your ears in the oven door?" Remus asked, looking pain stricken, and the others let out shocked laughs.

"I don't think about these things, mate," Peter laughed, clapping Remus on the shoulder.

"Don't know if it would work for us humans anyway," Sirius said brushing his hair back so he could tug on his ear, "Our ears are quite small."

"We'd be pressed up against the ovens," James said.

"It would make up for it though, you'd burn your face," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

**"****"But won't they notice if you shut your ears in the oven door?"**

**"Dobby doubts it, sir. Dobby is always having to punish himself for something, sir. They lets Dobby get on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments..."****"**

"That's awful, who are these people?" Lily asked, outraged.

"I told you Lil, some people are disgusting," James shrugged, and Lily whimpered.

"Poor Dobby," she said.

"He's only been around for a few pages but I think it's safe to say I'm attached," Remus said, and the others laughed.

"I second that," Lily giggled.

**"****"But why don't you leave? Escape?****"**

**A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free... Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir..."****"**

"This is so depressing, you don't think of these things," Sirius said, shaking his head, "We're such a selfish species."

"This conversation is starting to get really deep and philosophical," Remus said, and the others laughed

**"****Harry stared.****"**

"Harry, staring is rude," Sirius said in a high-pitched voice, winking at Lily, who rolled her eyes at him as the other boys laughed.

"It must seem so awful to him," Lily said, "Being imprisoned like that."

"He is," James grimaced, "At the Dursley's."

**"****"And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks," he said. "This makes the Dursleys sound almost human. Can't anyone help you? Can't I?"****"**

"Told you," James grumbled, and Lily sighed, reaching over and patting his hand with hers.

"Lily I think you're the only person I've ever seen whose helped a house elf," Sirius mused, and Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

"When?" she asked.

"When we were in the kitchens in the last book," he said, "I yelled and a house elf dropped something so you went over and helped."

"Oh, right," Lily said, flushing under the appreciating looks.

"Maybe that's inherited as well," James chuckled, and Sirius laughed.

"Bet Dobby's going to go ballistic over this one," Peter said, and the others groaned in realization.

**"****Almost at once, Harry wished he hadn't spoken. Dobby dissolved again into wails of gratitude.****"**

"Oh for the love of Merlin Dobby _shut up_!" Remus groaned, dropping his head into his hands.

"Harry's never leaving Privet Drive," Lily said sadly, "He's going to be holed up there forever."

"Oh shut up," James chuckled, ruffling Lily's hair, "What happened to being optimistic?"

"Overrated," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

**"****"Please," Harry whispered frantically, "please be quiet. If the Dursleys hear anything, if they know you're here-"  
"Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby... Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew..."****"**

"Oh Merlin," Sirius laughed, fanning his face, "That's the biggest compliment I've ever heard."

"A compliment inside a compliment," James agreed, chuckling.

"Thank Merlin he has Hermione around to keep his head on the ground," Lily grumbled, and the boys laughed.

"Good thing Dumbledore made him grow up in the muggle world," Remus said, and the others shot him bewildered looks, "No hear me out," he said, "Not that he grew up with the Dursley's, but that he didn't grow up with people constantly worshiping him," he said, "It kept him humble."

"Alright, fine," Sirius said, uncrossing his arms after having fixed Remus with a death glare, "You're allowed to say that."

"Thanks ever so much for your permission," Remus said sardonically, and the others laughed.

**"****Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face,****"**

The five of them burst out laughing.

"He's such a cutie," Lily giggled, pinching James' cheek, and James rolled his eyes, ruffling her hair.

"I am James," he said, and Lily raised her eyebrows.

"What?" she said, and he rolled his eyes as the other three burst out laughing.

"I love how Harry just does not have it in him to accept a compliment," Remus sniggered, "He gets so awkward and embarrassed."

"And hot in the face," Peter said, waving the book, and the others laughed.

"To be fair, I was feeling a bit hot in the face after that compliment," Lily laughed, "Hearing it about yourself must be something else."

"**said, "Whatever you've heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I'm not even top of my year at Hogwarts; that's Hermione, she-"****"**

"Oh Harry stop being so modest," Sirius laughed, shaking his head fondly as Lily giggled.

"A load of rubbish," James chuckled, wrapping his arm around the giggling Lily.

"Has he forgotten the colossal speech Hermione gave him at the end of the last book about him being a great wizard?" Sirius laughed.

"That was the funniest thing I've ever witnessed," Lily giggled, "Hermione throwing herself on him and him going 'Hermione!'" she mimicked, breaking down in another fit of giggles.

"You were this mad the first time we heard it, how can you still be laughing about it?" a laughing James asked.

"I just think Harry's a funny one," Lily giggled, "He's just so awkward when people are saying nice things to him."

"Like I said," Remus laughed, "Unable to accept a compliment."

**"****But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.****"**

"Oh Harry," Lily said sadly, and James rolled his eyes

"You have some major mood swing powers," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other boys laughed, "I swear you were just about to piss yourself laughing."

"I feel bad for him!" Lily argued, "His best friends haven't talked to him."

"I thought you were convinced something had gone wrong," Peter said, and Lily shrugged.

"I did think so, but, I mean, if Dobby can find him, obviously it's not because the magical world has forgotten him," she said, and Sirius smiled at her.

'"Cheer up Lil, you can't lose your optimism now," he said, and Lily sighed.

**"Harry Potter is humble and modest," said Dobby reverently, his orb-like eyes aglow. "Harry Potter speaks not of his triumph over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-"****"**

"I think it would be awful to constantly be reminded of that," Sirius said irritably, and Peter sighed, the constant interruptions obviously starting to finally bother him, causing Lily and Remus to grin.

"Well, it was a massive milestone," James said, and Sirius shrugged halfheartedly.

"But still, remember how you're famous for the day your parents died?" he mimicked, "Not something you want to constantly hear."

"Not like he remembers it," Lily shrugged, and Sirius grimaced.

"Still."

"Do we know why he came for Harry?" Peter asked, and the other four shook their heads, causing him to grimace.

**"****"Voldemort?" said Harry.****"**

"Obviously," Remus breathed, and Lily shot him an amused look as the others laughed.

**"****Dobby clapped his hands over his bat ears and moaned, "Ah, speak not the name, sir! Speak not the name!"**

**"Sorry," said Harry quickly. "I know lots of people don't like it. My friend Ron-"**

**He stopped again. Thinking about Ron was painful, too.****"**

"I am so disappointed in my minion," Sirius said, and Remus rolled his eyes

"If Lily's right and something's interfering, then you'll feel so bad," Remus said, and Sirius bit his lip, looking between Remus and Lily, both of whom were looking at him

"Okay I take it back," he said, groaning, "But what's happening?"

"That's a question everyone wants the answers to," James said, nodding to Peter.

**"****Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights.****"**

"You're positive this is a fan crush, right?" James said to Lily, who spluttered as the four boys sniggered.

"You're disgusting and awful," she said, and James beamed at her.

"Only for you," he said, kissing her on the cheek, and she crossed her arms, trying very hard to fight off a smile.

**"****"Dobby heard tell," he said hoarsely,****"**

"That grammar is awful," Remus said, and the other four burst out laughing, "I actually cannot handle that, it's shocking."

"Oh Moony, what would we do without you?" Peter laughed, and Remus rolled his eyes as the other four continued to laugh.

"**"that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time just weeks ago... that Harry Potter escaped yet again."****"**

"Brace yourselves for another compliment," James said, holding his arms out like a shield.

**"****Harry nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears.****"**

"_Tears_?" Sirius sneered, before snorting, "Bit of an overreaction."

"Sirius," Lily chastised, and he smirked at her as the others laughed, "He's in awe. Obviously he was affected, and Harry's giving him hope."

"Love, you know I say the majority of the things I do to piss you off," Sirius said, and Lily narrowed her eyes at him as he grinned and ruffled her hair, "You make irritating you far too easy."

"You sound like James," she grumbled and Sirius barked a laugh.

"Well I can fairly say I understand why he constantly pestered you, now," he said, and Lily raised her eyebrows, "It's incredibly entertaining."

**"****"Ah, sir," he gasped,****"**

"Sir?" James squawked, "That's a bit much for an twelve year old!"

"House elves call everyone 'sir'," Peter snorted, and James flushed as the others burst out laughing.

"**dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing.****"**

"Can he not wash it?" Lily squeaked, looking disgusted, and the boys burst out laughing.

"This is like that bloody shack on the sea and the damp bed sheets all over again," Sirius wheezed, and Lily scowled at him as the boys continued to laugh.

"It's unhygienic," she said, "Dobby's supposed to be making food wearing _that_?" she asked, and the boys howled with laughter, "Oh why do I bother?" she grumbled.

"**"Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he does have to shut his ears in the oven door later...****"**

"Here it is," Remus said, "Moment of truth."

"I say we have dramatic music," Sirius said, and then stretched his arms out in front of him, Remus and James following suit.

"Oh of course," Lily laughed, as they started to drumroll on the table.

"**Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts."****"**

"What?" James spluttered, looking completely shocked.

"I didn't see that coming at all," Remus said, shaking his head, looking down at the book in Peter's hands.

"Not go back to Hogwarts?" Lily squeaked, shaking her head, "no! He has to go, he can't stay with the Dursley's!"

"But why?" Sirius asked, looking furious, "Read on Pete, maybe he explains himself."

**"****There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice.****"**

"I'm not surprised there's silence, I'd e shocked too," James squawked, "What's he playing at?"

"What if it's a massive prank?" Sirius asked, and Lily snorted.

"I bloody well hope not, I've started to like Dobby," she said, and the boys laughed.

**"****"W-what?" Harry stammered. "But I've got to go back - term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't belong here. I belong in your world - at Hogwarts."****"**

"That was really sad," Remus said, after a few moments.

"It's all that's keeping him going," Lily said sadly, and Remus grimaced, pulling her into a hug, "Why is he so miserable? Why would my own sister do this?"

"I don't know Lily," Remus said gently, and looked over at James, who took that as his cue and allowed Remus to pass Lily over to him.

"He'll go back to Hogwarts Lil, don't worry," James said, smiling sweetly at her, "We're only on chapter two," he said, and Lily chuckled.

**"****"No, no, no," squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. "Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger."****"**

"Mortal danger?" Sirius squawked, "What could possibly-?" he started, and then shut his mouth, exchanging a worried look with Remus.

"He couldn't be back," Remus said, reading Sirius' mind, "It would be everywhere if he was back, in the book I mean," he said, "Dobby would've simply said that."

"But what else would mean mortal danger?" Lily sighed, looking at Remus, who shrugged.

"He's not back," he said.

"Dumbledore said he could come back," James said, and Remus sighed.

"But surely if he was back Dobby wouldn't have hooted and hawed over Harry escaping again," Peter said, and Remus snapped his fingers, pointing at Peter.

"He's right," Remus said, and Peter shrugged, smiling slightly.

"But what mortal danger?" Lily asked again.

"We'll find out, I'm sure," James said.

**"****"Why?" said Harry in surprise.****"**

"Good boy," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the others laughed.

**"****"There is a plot, Harry Potter. A plot to make most terrible things happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," whispered Dobby, suddenly trembling all over.****"**

"I don't like this," Lily said, shaking her head, "I'm getting an awful feeling about this."

"What could someone be plotting?" James asked, "Surely they know by now that Harry's quite durable," he said, and Sirius snorted in agreement.

"But it's happening at Hogwarts, not specifically to Harry," Lily pointed out, "It could be a ploy that puts all of Hogwarts in danger."

"Whatever it is it doesn't sound good," Peter said, and the others laughed.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and find out," Remus sighed

"**"Dobby has known it for months, sir. Harry Potter must not put himself in peril. He is too important, sir!"****"**

"Known it for months?" Sirius scoffed, "If he's known it for months why didn't he go tell someone?"

"He wasn't allowed," Lily said, and Sirius snorted

"He's not allowed to be at Harry's either," he said, and Lily shrugged.

"Maybe he was specifically forbidden from mentioning it to certain people?" she asked, and Sirius sighed, rubbing his temples.

"I'm getting stressed out," he said, and the others chuckled.

**"****"What terrible things?" said Harry at once. "Who's plotting them?"**

**Dobby made a funny choking noise and then banged his head frantically against the wall.****"**

""Oh not this rubbish again," Lily groaned, and the boys burst out laughing.

"It's not rubbish, it's quite a serious problem," James said, and Lily waved her hand at him

"I meant the noise," she said, and James grinned down at her as the others laughed.

"Well they haven't heard him till now, hopefully they don't," Remus said, and Lily started to bang her head against the table, causing the boys to laugh

"Dobby!" Peter chastised, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him, a red mark on her forehead from where she'd been hitting it on the table.

**"****"All right!" cried Harry, grabbing the elf's arm to stop him. "You can't tell me. I understand. But why are you warning me?" A sudden, unpleasant thought struck him. "Hang on - this hasn't got anything to do with Vol- - sorry - with You-Know-Who, has it? You could just shake or nod," he added hastily as Dobby's head tilted worryingly close to the wall again.****"**

"Oh for the love of Merlin please shake your head," Lily squeaked, bouncing up and down in her seat as the boys paid rapt attention to the book.

**"****Slowly, Dobby shook his head.**

"**Not - not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named , sir-"****"**

The five of them released a breath they seemed to be holding, and relieved smiles broke out across their faces.

"Oh, okay, good," Remus sighed, relieved, "I'm sure Harry can handle whatever it is then."

"He's still only just a twelve year old boy," Lily said uncertainly, looking relieved nonetheless that it was not Voldemort her son was in danger from.

"Voldemorts his only real threat," James shrugged, "at least it's not him."

**"****But Dobby's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint. Harry, however, was completely lost.****"**

"Oh don't tell me," Lily groaned, and the boys grimaced.

"So it is Voldemort?" Peter asked, and Sirius scratched his chin

"Well not necessarily actually, we don't actually know what Dobby is trying to say here," he said, and James frowend.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it could have something to do with Voldemort, no doubt, but how do we know Dobby isn't trying to say look out, Hedwigs going ot kill you?" he asked, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other boys burst out laughing, "Sorry, had to lighten the mood," Sirius said, chuckling to himself, and Lily smiled at him as the others attempted to gather themselves.

"I think it is Voldemort but Dobby isn't allowed to tell Harry," Peter said, and Remus grimaced.

"Sadly, I agree with you," Remus said.

"But he's not back," Sirius said exasperatedly, "How could he do anything without a body? I'm sure it would be a massive deal if he did have a body. Even the muggles would know about it or know something was up."

"At the very least there'd be scary reports," Lily agreed, and Sirius spread his arms as if to say 'see?'

"Why don't we just figure it out as we go along?" James suggested, and the others grumbled

"Is it just me or is this book considerably darker than the last?" Remus muttered, and Lily snorted in agreement.

**"****"He hasn't got a brother, has he?"****"**

"Wouldn't that be an interesting twist?" Remus snorted, and the others burst out laughing.

**"****Dobby shook his head, his eyes wider than ever.****"**

"I'm not understanding why his eyes are wide!" Sirius whined, banging his hand on the table, causing the others to jump. Lily looked around The Leaky once more to make sure they hadn't attracted any attention, but once again noticed everyone else in The Leaky was far stranger than them; particularly a group of men in the corner who were speaking without moving their mouths much and looking around shiftily, "What is he trying to tell us?"

"No idea," James said bluntly, "Probably what Wormtail here guessed before," he said, and Lily sighed.

"Well if it's anything like the last book, nothing involving Voldemort will happen till the last couple chapters," she said, and Sirius winked at her.

"Talking about climaxes again are we?" he winked, and Lily shot him a dirty look as the others burst out laughing.

**"****"Well then, I can't think who else would have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts," said Harry. "I mean, there's Dumbledore, for one thing - you know who Dumbledore is, don't you?"****"**

"If you know Voldemort you know Dumbledore," James said, shaking his head

"What a stupid question," Sirius snorted.

"Oi!" Lily defended, "He didn't grow up in the wizarding world."

"Sorry mum," Sirius said, grinning widely at Lily, whose lips twitched as she tried to control her laughter.

**"****Dobby bowed his head.****"**

"I hope that's respectful, not solemn," James said, a bit of a panicked look in his eyes

"Don't worry James, Dumbledore is epic," Sirius said, and James sent his friend a thankful smile.

**"****"Albus Dumbledore is the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Dobby knows it, sir. Dobby has heard Dumbledore's powers rival those of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the height of his strength.****"**

"You know," Remus said, "I keep forgetting just how powerful Dumbledore is. He always seems like a complete nutter when he's at Hogwarts," he said, and the others laughed.

"It seems so odd to me that Dumbledore defeated Grindelwald," Lily said, shaking her head in amazement.

"Why?" James asked.

"It just doesn't seem to add up, that the man who steals chocolate puddings from the kitchens managed to duel and defeat the most powerful wizard of all time, before Voldemort," she said, and Remus squawked.

"Exactly!" he said, gesturing wildly to Lily as Sirius raised his brows, as if trying to figure out if Remus was crazy.

"Alright, calm down mate," Sirius snorted, and Remus flushed as the other three laughed.

"Well, Dumbledore is the only wizard Voldemort was ever scared of," Peter said, and Lily sighed.

"That I can believe," she said, "Otherwise he'd have attacked the school by now."

"I can't imagine a world without Dumbledore," James said, shaking his head with a smile on his face.

"It would be a world in constant panic," Peter said, and the others grimaced in agreement.

"Well let's pray Dumbledore is immortal then," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

"**But, sir" - Dobby's voice dropped to an urgent whisper****"**

"No! No buts!" Lily squeaked, shaking her head.

"I agree, let's just stick with Dumbledore being all powerful," Sirius said, and James snorted.

"**- "there are powers Dumbledore doesn't... powers no decent wizard..."****"**

"That's because he's too noble to use them," Lily said, rolling her eyes, "Just like McGonagall said."

"Stop Lily, Dumbledore hadn't blushed that hard since Pomfrey complimented his earmuffs, remember?" James said, and the others burst out laughing, Lily giggling as she grinned up at James.

"Does it sound like Dobby's sentences aren't making sense anymore?" Remus asked, frowning, and Peter grimaced.

"I doubt he's allowed to say those kinds of things," Peter said, and Sirius huffed.

"Well here we go again," he said, and Lily quirked a brow at him as he stretched his arms up over his head, "Punishment time," he said, and Lily groaned, smacking her face with her palm.

"Hopefully he's not too loud," she said.

"That's what she said," Sirius quipped, and Lily shot him a disgusted look as the four boys sniggered madly.

"So not the time," she chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

"Oh give in Lily!" Sirius laughed, ruffling her hair.

**"****And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head****"**

"That's not so bad, I mean, at least he's not making noise," Lily said hopefully, and Peter grimaced at her before finishing the sentence.

"**with earsplitting yelps.****"**

"Oh of course," Lily huffed, crossing her arms.

"What do earsplitting yelps sound like?" Peter asked, frowning and Sirius smirked, before letting out two short shrieks, causing Lily to cover her ears and the other three boys to laugh.

"I can't believe you've just done that," Lily said, flushing out of embarrassment as she looked around.

"Yes, but nobody's noticed, once again," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes, smirking.

"Well, if that's the noise Dobby's making, there's no reason for the Dursley's not to hear him," Peter grumbled, and Remus sighed.

"Let's just hope they're deaf," he said, and the others laughed.

**"****A sudden silence fell downstairs.****"**

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," Lily said, now rocking back and forth, "what are they going to do to him?"

"Merlin only knows," James grimaced, putting his arm around Lily to stop her rocking.

"Maybe he'll make up an excuse?" Remus suggested

"What could he possibly say?" Sirius snorted, "Sorry, decided to abuse myself," he said, and the others burst out laughing.

"**Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, "Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!"****"**

"He's going to kill him," Remus groaned

"I think we're forgetting the massive elephant in the room," James said.

"Don't talk about your girlfriend like that," Sirius hissed, and James rolled his eyes as Lily laughed.

"How's Vernon going to react when he sees Dobby?" James asked, pretending Sirius hadn't spoken, and the others gasped.

"I didn't even think of that!" Remus squawked, "What's he giong to do?"

"Maybe he'll tell Dobby to hide," Peter suggested, and Sirius snorted.

"Where do you hide a house elf?" he asked.

"Under the bed?" Peter suggested meekly, and the others snorted.

**"****"Quick! In the closet!" hissed Harry,****"**

"Ah, the closet," Peter said wisely, and the others burst out laughing.

"Very wise choice, my friend," Sirius sniggered.

"**stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door,****"**

"Harry!" Lily squealed, "Don't man handle the elf!"

"Lily, it's either man handle Dobby or have himself man handled," Sirius said, "Which one would you prefer?"

"I don't like this question," Lily mumbled, and the boys laughed, "He could've at least done it gently!" she said defiantly, and James chuckled, ruffling her hair

"He apologises, I'm sure," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes amusedly as the boys continued to snigger.

"**and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.****"**

"That has to be the coolest mental image I've ever had," Sirius said, holding his arms out as if everyone cared what he was saying.

"Do elaborate," James said, and Lily whacked him.

"Why would you say that?" Remus hissed, and James winked at him as Remus grumbled, dropping his head to the table.

"I'm imagining a boy, grabbing a house elf, shoving him in the closet and positively diving, no, flying, across the room, landing on his bed, as the door handle turned," Sirius said.

"Very dramatic metal image," Lily said.

"That was so entertaining to listen to," Peter deadpanned, and everyone sans Sirius burst out laughing as Sirius smirked at Peter.

**"****"What - the - devil - are - you - doing?" said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's.****"**

"Okay, this is good, he hasn't murdered Harry yet," Remus said, and the others burst out laughing.

"Not like he'd walk in with a gun and shoot him," Lily snorted, and Sirius quirked a brow at Lily, "It's a, er, muggle weapon," she said, and the boys nodded.

"Well you never know with Vardon," Sirius said, earning a snort from everyone.

"He wouldn't murder Harry," Lily said, shaking her head, causing the others to chuckle at her tired tone.

"Why does this man insist on talking to Harry from here," James asked, holding his face almost nose to nose from Lily's, who giggled, "Like, what's the point of this?" he asked, and Lily shook her head.

"You're making me uncomfortable," she giggled, looking down, and James grinned, kissing her quickly before leaning back.

"That's probably the point then," Remus chuckled, and James grimaced.

"He's probably spitting all over him," Sirius said, shuddering, and the others burst out laughing.

"**"You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke... One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!"****"**

"Merlin forbid you ruin the punch line in the golfer joke," Lily said, rolling her eyes, and the others laughed.

"I think that went better than expected," Remus said happily, "At least he's not been punished."

"You're assuming Dobby's going to be quiet from now on," Peter said, and Remus shot him a nasty look.

"Where's your optimism?" Remus asked, and Peter snorted as the others chuckled.

**"****He stomped flat-footed from the room.****"**

"Well that's just not smart, he could break down the house like that," Sirius said, and the others laughed.

"Sirius I can't believe you manage to keep up fat jokes," Lily giggled, shaking her head, and Sirius gasped.

"I beg your pardon? You doubting my capabilities?"

"Absolutely," Lily winked, and Sirius smirked at her.

**"****Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the closet.****"**

"That sentence can be construed so many ways," James said, and Sirius' eyes twinkled as Lily groaned, "So ambiguous a sentence, I have never come across," he said, and Sirius sniggered.

"He could be shaking of fear," Sirius said.

"Or because Vernon's shaken the house," James agreed.

"Or because Dobby coming out of the closet means he's admitting homosexual tendencies," Sirius said.

"And Harry's shaking of fear of Dobby's homosexual needs," James agreed, and Lily dropped her head to the table as the boys continued.

**"****"See what it's like here?" he said. "See why I've got to go back to Hogwarts? It's the only place I've got - well, I think I've got friends."****"**

"Oh Harold, you have friends!" Sirius said, shaking his head and Lily rolled her eyes

"His name is not Harold, it's Harry," she said, and Sirius winked at her.

"Really love? I bet he had no idea," James said, and Lily shoved him as the others laughed.

**"****"Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?" said Dobby slyly.****"**

"Well that's a low blow," Lily said, crossing her arms.

"How does Dobby know Harry's friends haven't been writing to him?" Peter asked, and James' eyes widened.

"That sly bastard," he said, and Remus frowned, "He's behind it!" James said, and Remus jaw dropped.

"I knew I was right," Lily said, a slow smile spreading across her face, "Oh this is great news!" she said happily, and James looked at her, mildly alarmed at her dramatic change in mood, "I knew his friends wouldn't give up on him!"

"So glad I took back those Ronald comments," Sirius sighed, and Remus snorted.

**"****"I expect they've just been - wait a minute," said Harry, frowning. "How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?"****"**

"That's right Harry, you go for it, antagonise him, make him tell you!" James said, and Lily quirked a brow at him as Sirius, Peter and Remus attempted to bite down laughter.

"Alright, calm down," Lily said, "Before you tell him to burn him, I think you need to chill yourself out," she said, and James stuck his tongue out at her as the others laughed.

"What do you think he's done with the letters?" Sirius asked, nad Remus shrugged.

"Maybe he's destroyed them," he said, and Sirius narrowed his eyes, "What? You can't have expected him to have kept all of them," Remus said, and Sirius huffed.

**"****Dobby shuffled his feet.****"**

"Feel the guilt! Feel it!" Sirius said, imitating James, who rolled his eyes amusedly as the others laughed.

**"****"Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby did it for the best-"****"**

"Of course Harry Potter can be angry at Dobby!" Sirius squawked, throwing his hands up, "Dobby's been interrupting the letters!"

"Well, Dobby did have Harry's best interests at heart," Lily reasoned, and Sirius shot her a bewildered look.

"Why are you defending Dobby?" he asked, and Lily flushed as the boys laughed.

"Don't be so mean Sirius, I mean, Dobby wants to keep Harry alive. Granted he did it extremely stupidly, but he is only trying to help," Lily said, and James chuckled, kissing her temple gently as Sirius adopted a mildly guilty expression.

"No need to scold the Sirius," James said, and Lily flushed as Sirius stuck his tongue out at her.

**"****"Have you been stopping my letters? "****"**

"Got there, have you?" Remus asked, and the others laughed.

**"****"Dobby has them here, sir," said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry's reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing.****"**

Sirius shot a bewildered Remus a massively smug expression, "And you thought he'd destroyed them," Sirius said, and Remus rolled his eyes as the others laughed.

"I can feel the smug radiating off you," Lily teased, and Sirius winked at her, "It makes me so happy that he's got all these letters," Lily said happily, grinning at James, who had no choice but to grin back.

"Where does he keep the envelopes?" Peter asked, and Remus quirked a brow at him.

"What?"

"Inside the pillowcase, where would he keep them?" Peter asked, "Wouldn't he be naked under there?"

"This is what you're focusing on?" Remus asked, and Peter reddened.

"It's a good question," Lily said, not wanting Peter to feel too embarrassed, "I mean, where would he have held them?"

"He could've shoved them up-"

"Padfoot, do not finish that sentence," Remus said, closing his eyes in disgust as James sniggered and both Peter and Lily adopted rather affronted expressions.

"**Harry could make out Hermione's neat writing, Ron's untidy scrawl, and ****, ****even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.****"**

"Oh Hagrid!" Lily said happily, and James rolled his eyes as the others laughed.

"Lil, I put up with an entire term of Hagrid coming in between us, I don't want to have to do this over summer," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other boys laughed.

"You'll just have to accept, James Potter, that Hagrid and I are closer than you and I will ever be," she said, and James chuckled, "He understands me."

"Then he's obviously not a guy, because guys don't understand girls," Peter piped in, and Sirius sniggered as Lily shot Peter a look.

"Why are you sniggering away over there? Don't you kiss the ground Hagrid walks on?" Remus asked, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus as Lily laughed.

**"****Dobby blinked anxiously up at Harry.****"**

"Don't try to get him to forgive you," Sirius said irritably, "Because of you I was doubting my Ronald."

"Your Ronald?" Lily asked in a flat voice.

"My minion, my Ronald," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

**"****"Harry Potter mustn't be angry... Dobby hoped... if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him... Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir..."****"**

"You have to credit the guy," James said, sounding quite irritable at the meddling, "that is quite a brilliant plan."

"I refuse to credit Dobby," Sirius grumbled, "He made Harry miserable."

"Noted," James said, nodding, "But Lily's right, he's probably acting in Harry's best interests," James said, and Sirius gave a begrudging nod.

"Whatever this plot is, must be sufficiently serious for Dobby to risk Harry's friendship," Lily sighed, rubbing at her forehead.

"Why?" Peter asked, and Lily shrugged.

"The way Dobby was complimenting Harry before, it's obvious Harry means a lot to him," she said, and Remus nodded.

"And for him to risk Harry's friendship means he really does think Harry's in danger," Remus agreed, finishing Lily's sentence, and Lily nodded sadly.

"Now why'd you have to go and say that?" Sirius whined, causing them all to look at him, mildly alarmed, "Now I can't be angry at Dobby," he said, pouting, and the others laughed.

**"****Harry wasn't listening. He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.****"**

"Now that's rude, he's already seen the letters," James said, and Lily shrugged.

"Maybe he's baiting Harry," she said, and James snorted.

"That's such a childish scene," Sirius sniggered, and Peter raised his eyebrows.

"What is?" he asked, and Sirius sighed, gesturing to the book.

"Dobby jumping so the letters were out of Harry's reach," he said, and then grinned, "It's just so innocent, you wouldn't expect it in the midst of this tension."

"You're so weird," Lily said, grinning at Sirius, who winked back at her.

**"****"Harry Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won't go back, sir!"****"**

"I told you," Lily said, and James grimaced.

"And I hoped you were wrong," he said, and Lily laughed.

"This isn't fair," Remus said, "It's emotional blackmail!"

"Which is ridiculously effective," Lily said, winking at James, who stuck his tongue out at her as the others laughed.

**"****"No," said Harry angrily. "Give me my friends'****letters!"****"**

"That wasn't one of the options," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys burst out laughing.

"Was it not, mate? I wouldn't have thought," James said, grinning.

"Pay attention," Sirius teased, and both Remus and Peter chuckled.

"I think your child has anger management issues," Remus said, shaking his head, "He's always saying things angrily."

"Hardly," Lily snorted, "You'd be angry too anyway, if Dobby was doing this to you and you were this miserable," she said, defending her son, and Remus smirked.

"He must get it from Lily," James stage-whispered to Remus, stroking Lily's head, and Lily nudged him playfully as the other boys laughed.

**"****"Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice," said the elf sadly.****"**

"I don't like the sound of that, that's very ominous," Sirius said, and Peter frowned.

"He's not going to...kill Harry or anything rash, is he?" Peter asked, and Sirius snorted.

"Don't be stupid, Wormtail, of course he wont kill Harry," Sirius said, and Lily laughed.

"Can you imagine?" she giggled, "The Boy Who Lived, murdered by a house elf because he went to school," she said, giggling again, and the boys laughed.

"That would make excellent headlines," James agreed, chuckling.

**"****Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs.****"**

"NO!" Lily near screamed, her eyes wide and horrified.

"H-He can't do that," Remus said nervously, "That's taking it too far."

"What's he going to do?" Lily asked, and James shrugged.

"Even coming into view for a second would be enough," he said, and Sirius shook his head..

"Wouldn't that be breaking some kind of law?" he asked, and James snapped his fingers.

"Probably," he said, nodding, "At least that won't happen."

"He's an elf," Remus said, looking deeply disturbed, "He can just use magic and do something, anything he did would destroy Vernon's big evening though," he said, and Lily groaned, dropping her head onto James' shoulder.

"That sounds highly likely," she said bitterly, and the boys grimaced.

"Good luck Harry," James saluted.

**"****Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound.****"**

"How do you even run without making a sound though?" Sirius asked, "Footsteps would make sound."

"I don't see why this is the part you're focusing on," Peter said, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at Peter as the others laughed.

"I'm so scared for Harry right now," Lily said, and Remus grimaced at her.

"That makes two of us," he said, and James scoffed.

"I'm scared too," he said, and Sirius sniggered.

"Not something you want to advertise and convince your girlfriend of," he said, and James rolled his eyes as Lily giggled.

"It's okay, I've known he's a massive softie for ages now," she said, and James shoved her as the others laughed.

""**He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby.****"**

"Now that's impressive," James said, and Lily looked at him irritably, "No seriously Lil," he said, completely disregarding her irritation, causing her to roll her eyes and his friends to chuckle, "Six steps is no joke."

"Especially if you're landing silently," Sirius agreed, nodding his head proudly, "Very well done on Mini Prongs' part."

"Fascinating," Lily said after a few moments of silence, and both Remus and Peter sniggered, "If you'd like to shut up now, can we find out what Dobby does?"

"So crabby," James said, shaking his head, and Lily poked his side playfully.

"**From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, "... tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear..."****"**

"I'm sure she has," Lily snorted, rolling her eyes, and James smirked down at her.

"If you'd like to shut up now, can we find out what Dobby does?" he mimicked, and Lily rolled her eyes, grinning, as the boys laughed.

"So crabby," Lily imitated, and the boys laughed again.

**"****Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.****"**

"Disappear?" Sirius squawked, hand shooting down to grab his stomach, "That would be awful. Dobby why would you do that?" he squeaked.

"Dobby obviously didn't do that, you fool," James snickered, shoving Sirius, "What good would come of vanishing someone's stomach?"

"I'm not even sure that's possible," Remus said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"This is the most ridiculous tangent we've been on yet," she said, and the boys grinned proudly, taking bows.

"You can't tell us to stop interrupting, you interrupted last time," James said, and Lily pouted as the other three snickered.

"Dobby obviously didn't make the stomach disappear," Peter said, "Harry's probably just frightened."

"It's a figure of speech," Remus agreed, and Sirius sighed, relieved.

"Please tell me you didn't actually believe that," James asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"You never know," he said, and James rolled his eyes amusedly.

**"****Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.****"**

"No," Lily gasped horrified, as the boys seemed to pale slightly

"I don't know Petunia, but even I know that's not good," Peter said, sounding slightly queasy.

"Oh Dobby don't do it, that's too much, too much," Remus said, shaking his head, looking slightly frightened, "They'll lock him in his room forever."

"He's going to do it, isn't he?" Lily asked James, who sighed in a very resigned manner, causing her to groan.

**"****"No," croaked Harry. "Please... they'll kill me..."****"**

"My pulse is actually racing a bit," Sirius said, placing his fingers on his wrist and looking up thoughtfully for a few moments, "Yep, it's actually faster."

"That's because this is bloody frightening," Remus said. **  
**"I hope Dobby doesn't do it," Lily said, and James ran a hand anxiously through his hair.

"I don't see how Harry can get out of this one without promising not to return to Hogwarts," James said bitterly, "And let's face is, that's never going to happen."

"Dobby! Please have a heart!" Sirius whined, and the others chuckled meekly.

"**"Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school-"**

**"Dobby... please..."**

**"Say it, sir-"**

**"I can't-"****"**

"Oh Harry, I'd have done the same thing," Lily said solemnly, holding her face in her hand.

**"****Dobby gave him a tragic look.****"**

"Oh Dobby no!" Remus cried, covering his face with his hands.

"Maybe he's rethinking it?" Peter said hopefully, "the tragic look is him realising just how much pain he's causing Harry," he said hopefully.

"And maybe I'll get married to McGonagall and Vernon and I will exchange friendship bracelets," Sirius said sarcastically, and Peter looked down at his lap, dejectedly.

"I wager it's him knowing Harry's probably going to die," James grumbled, and Lily groaned.

**"****"Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good."****"**

"This is hardly for his own good! You're causing him endless trouble!" Sirius squawked, and Lily hushed him.

**"****The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered.****"**

"Oh Merlin," Lily said, shaking her head sadly, eyes closed, "That's horrible. They'll never forgive him," she said, and James ran his hand through his hair irritably.

"I can just see the mess," Remus grumbled, rubbing his temples.

"Not to mention he smashed the dish. My mum would never forgive me, I think she'd put me up for adoption," Peter said, and Sirius snorted.

"What are they going to do?" Lily asked James, who sighed and shrugged.

"I think lifetime imprisonment sounds likely," he said, and Lily grimaced.

"**With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.****"**

"Arse," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms, "Can't even have the decency to stay and support Harry as he goes through hell.

"I wouldn't want him to stay if he'd done that to me," Lily said, and Sirius grimaced.

"Touche."

"I agree," Remus said, "I'd probably grab a shard of glass and throw it at him."

"Remus!" Lily squeaked, as the other Marauders started to smirk, "That's the most violent thing I've ever heard you say."

"Thanks," Remus said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys sniggered.

**"****There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding.****"**

"At least the only comfort is Vernon won't murder him there and then, he's got the Masons to still impress," Remus said, and Lily giggled, "what?"

"Harry's just messed up their schedule," she said, and James rolled his eyes as she continued to giggle.

"You have to start training yourself to have more appropriate reactions to things," he said, smiling, and ruffling Lily's hair as she continued to giggle, "This is no time for a giggle fit."

"Oh Merlin, how long would that take to shower out of your hair?" Lily asked, scrunching her nose up, and the boys laughed, "You'd be feeling disgusting for weeks."

"Or a day," James said, and Lily shoved him as the other boys laughed.

"Wouldn't Harry get points for looking so shocked?" Peter asked, and Sirius snorted.

"If fatty had any sense of decency, which he doesn't, so no," he said, and Peter sighed.

**"****At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ("Just our nephew -very disturbed - meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs...")****"**

"That's the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard," Sirius said, and the others laughed.

"Even if that was the case, what incentive would he have for smashing the pudding?" Lily asked, looking bewildered, and the boys laughed.

"Nobody understands these disturbed people, Lily, it's the natural reaction to guests coming over," Sirius said, shaking is head, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys laughed.

"I know I shouldn't be saying this," Remus started.

"Then don't," James cut in with a grin, and Remus shot him a nasty look as the others snickered.

"I know I shouldn't be saying this," Remus started again, shooting James a nasty look, which he accepted with a cheeky grin, "but that was actually really clever on Vernon's part," he said.

"Go sit over there," Sirius said, pointing to an empty table on the other side of The Leaky, and Remus rolled his eyes, smirking.

"**He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room,****"**

"Why did they feel the need to go check out what had happened?" Lily asked, bewildered, and James shot her an exasperated smile, "No you know what, you always interrupt, I'm entitled too," she said, and James grinned as the others laughed.

"Why is that so odd?" Remus asked and Lily shrugged.

"If I was at someone's house and something loud and noisy had happened and they all ran off in a panic, I'd probably stay on the sofa and wait for them to come back," she shrugged, and the boys laughed, "What? I'm saving them the embarrassment!"

"Well obviously these people are as badly mannered as Vernon or else they wouldn't be spending time with him," he said.

"Must be a company prerequisite," Peter said, "Being aa massive knob," he said, and the others burst out laughing.

"Emphasis on being, not having," Sirius said dirtily, and Lily shot him a disgusted look as the other boys laughed loudly.

"**promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop.****"**

"There you go, that sounds about right," Remus said, sighing, and Lily quirked a brow at him.

"Happy my son is being punished, are you?" she asked, and Remus rolled his eyes as the others laughed.

"Absolutely not. I'm just saying it's nice to know hell hasn't frozen over," he said, and James snickered.

"Oh no, it has, Lily agreed to go out with me, remember?" he said, and Lily flushed as the boys laughed.

"Oh ha ha," she said embarrassedly, and the boys snickered, James wrapping his arm around her, "No get off me," she said, and he laughed, holding her tighter as the boys laughed at her feeble attempts to escape James' arm, "This isn't fair, you're stronger than me," she squeaked, "You're taking advantage of my size and stature," she said, and James smirked at her as the others laughed.

"Believe me love, if I was taking advantage I wouldn't be doing it like this," he said, and Lily shoved him as the others sniggered.

"**Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.****"**

"He's obviously bloody frightened," James spluttered, "How can she stand there and not notice he's shaking?"

"Probably thinks he's shaking with fear of the anticipated aforementioned flaying within an inch of his life," Remus said, and Lily snorted.

"And I'm a swot? All those words in that sentence were longer than any of the words I've said today," she said, and Remus shot her an amused grin as the other boys laughed.

"Yes, but he's still half Marauder. You're just swot," James said, and Lily stuck his tongue out at him as the others laughed.

**"****Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal****"**

"Oh good!" Lily said, and the boys raised their eyebrows at her.

"Don't tell me you've started to take a liking to your future brother-in-law," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"Please, it's not that cold in hell yet," she said, and the boys chuckled, "Just saying, if he pulls off the deal he won't be nearly as furious as he could otherwise be," she said, and James sighed.

"I hate that I'm saying this, but I'm hoping he makes the deal," he said, and the other boys grimaced in agreement.

"**- if it hadn't been for the owl.****"**

"Oh for fucks sake, why doesn't anything want to cooperate?" Lily huffed, and the boys burst out laughing at her reaction.

"Wonder who's sending Harry a letter now?" Sirius mused.

"It could be anyone, given his letters are no longer being blocked," Remus said, and Lily gasped.

"Did Dobby actually give Harry the letters?" she asked, and James shrugged.

"What does it matter?"

"Well if he's being severely punished, it'll give him something to do," she said, and the boys chuckled.

"Always looking for the silver lining, aren't you?" Remus teased, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

**"****Aunt Petunia was just passing around a box of after-dinner mints****"**

"Have to hand it to her," Sirius sighed, "Those are always delicious."

"Padfoot you think everything edible is delicious," Remus said, and Sirius grinned as the others laughed.

"**when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs. Mason's head, and swooped out again.****"**

"Honestly, of all places to drop the letter," Lily said, shaking her head, and the boys laughed.

"Do yo u not find that owls drop letters in hte most ridiculous places?" Remus asked, grinning to himself, "I bet they have a game going," he said, and James snorted.

"A game?"

"Yeah! You get different amounts of points depending on where you've dropped the letter," Remus said, and James laughed.

"Well then, my parents' owl dropped the howler my mum sent me in my soup, destroying it, so I'd say he wins," James chuckled, and Lily laughed.

"You'd think people would just shove their howlers in their drinsk if it worked like that," she said, and James shrugged.

"I think it's because I had hot soup, doubt it would work spilling pumpkin juice on it," he said, and Sirius snorted.

"Mate, it didn't destroy it, if you remember, the howler started moving and yelling inside the soup but you couldn't hear it," Sirius said, and James grinned widely as the others laughed.

"And then exploded causing soup to fly everywhere," Peter added, and James shrugged.

"Destroyed the purpose of the howler," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

"**Mrs. Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house shouting about lunatics.****"**

"That seems like a massive overreaction," James snorted, as Sirius descended into a massive fit of laughter.

"I wish I could've seen that," Sirius managed to wheeze out, "Oh Merlin," he choked, descending into laughter again.

"If Vernon ever does have a meeting with the Masons, can we send a bird in?" Peter asked, and Lily tutted her tongue disapprovingly, grinning, as the boys descended into further fits of laughter.

"**Mr. Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.****"**

"Oh that's awful," Lily said, as the boys continued to laugh, "Oh stop it all of you! She's got a phobia!"

"Doesn't make the situation any less hilarious," James snorted, recovering from his fit before the rest of the boys.

"We are so sending a bird in," Remus managed, and Lily whacked his arm.

"She's afraid!"

"Yes but it would sabotage Vernon, and I'd really enjoy it," Sirius said, pouting at Lily, who shook her head.

"I will never approve of this."

"Fine, we'll never tell you," James said, and Lily's lips twitched with laughter at his child-like tone.

"Oh no," Peter said, and they all turned to him, "This mean Vernon's going to be furious because they didn't make the deal," he said, and the others paled slightly.

"Oh Merlin," Lily said, smacking her palm to her forehead, "Good luck Harry."

"At least he got to witness that," Sirius said sulkily, and Lily shot him an exasperated look, earning a wink in return.

**"****Harry stood in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support,****"**

"Oh you don't need that mop, I'm supporting you!" Sirius called, and Lily threw one of the spoons on the table at him, which he ducked easily. The spoon flew over and landed on one of the other tables. The witch sitting at the table, however, simply picked up her wand and added the spoon to her dancing cutlery project.

"You are so lucky we're in The Leaky," James managed to say around his restrained laughter at Lily's bewildered expression. Sirius, Remus and Peter were bent over the table, shaking madly.

"**as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.****"**

"Hopefully he starts slowing down, or he won't be able to stop because of the momentum," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys burst out laughing.

"Now _that _would be the headlines," James said, wiping his eyes under his glasses, "The Boy Who Lived, squashed to death under fat uncle," he said, and Lily shushed him, shaking with laughter, as the Marauders sniggered madly.

**"****"Read it!" he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. "Go on - read it!"****"**

"Why would you give him the letter?" Remus asked, bewildered, and Lily spluttered.

"Do you not want him to give Harry the letter?" she asked, and he groaned.

"No that's not what I meant!" he said, and looked around at all the confused faces, "I mean, if you were going to punish someone, wouldn't you keep the letter from them?" he asked, and James scratched his forehead.

"That's actually a good point," he said, "That's very out of character on his part."

"Especially after the Hogwarts letter bullshit in the first book," Lily said, and Sirius sniggered,

"Almost forgot about that," he said, "A hundred Hogwarts letters just for one person. Manic."

**"****Harry took it. It did not contain birthday greetings.****"**

"Well that's a shame," James said, and Lily laughed.

"Can you imagine if he'd just read out 'Happy birthday Harry!'," she giggled, "That wouldn't have ended well at all," she said, and the boys laughed.

"What's in it then?" Sirius asked, and Remus shrugged.

"Maybe someone's asking why he hasn't replied to one of the letters he never received?" he suggested.

**"**_**Dear Mr. Potter,  
We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine**_**.****"**

"WHAT?" James squawked, "It's the bloody Ministry!" he managed, running his hand through his hair, "That's beyond ridiculous!" he squawked again.

"Okay, calm down, we're in public," Lily said

"It's _The Leaky_," James said

"You're also badmouthing the Ministry. You don't want to get in trouble," she said, and James sighed, crossing his arms moodily.

"But shouldn't the Ministry know he wasn't the one who performed the magic?" Peter asked, and James huffed.

"They do it based on location," he said, and Sirius frowned.

"So if we did magic in Diagon Alley nobody would know?" he said, and James shrugged, "We should try this," Sirius said happily, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys' eyes suddenly started to twinkle madly.

"No," she said, "It's not worth the risk, we're not allowed, you'll just get in trouble," she said, and Sirius pouted.

"It's no fun having mummy around all the time," he said to James, who snickered and ruffled a very affronted Lily's hair.

_**"**__**As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school. (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).**_

_**We would also ask you to remember that any magical activity that risks notice by members of the non magical community (Muggles) is a serious offense under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks'Statute of Secrecy.**_

_**Enjoy your holidays!  
Yours sincerely,  
Mafalda Hopkirk  
IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE  
Ministry of Magic**__**"**_

"Mafalda Hopkirk?" Lily asked, and snorted, "Always hated her."

"Of course you did," James chuckled, as the other boys laughed.

"At least he only got a warning," Peter said, and looked over in alarm as Remus made a noise of a wounded animal.

"Oi! Moony! You alright over there," Sirius asked, looking at Remus with a curious expression.

"The Dursley's know," he whined, and Lily quirked a brow.

"Yeah, he just read it out," she said, and Remus rolled his eyes, slamming his hands on the table, causing her to jump.

"I meant," he said, looking around at them all, "They now know he can't use magic," he said, and Lily's jaw dropped.

"Harry said that's all that was keeping them from locking him in his cupboard," she said, and James groaned, placing his hand over his eyes, elbow resting on the table.

"Vernon's going to bloody love this," James muttered.

**"****Harry looked up from the letter and gulped.**

**"You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic outside school," said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. "Forgot to mention it... Slipped your mind, I daresay..."****"**

"This is not going to be good," Lily grumbled, and the boys grimaced.

"The mad gleam is getting really worrying," Sirius agreed.

**"****He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared.****"**

"Unnecessary invasion of personal space, once more," James said irritably, and the others burst out laughing.

"Why are his teeth bared?" Remus asked, bewildered, "It's not like he's going to bite him."

"Maybe he's smiling...massively," James said, and Lily snorted.

"He could eat him!" Sirius gasped, placing his hands on his cheeks, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the four boys started to gasp and giggle.

"**"Well, I've got news for you, boy... I'm locking you up... You're never going back to that school... never... and if you try and magic yourself out - they'll expel you!"**

**And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs.****"**

"That's awful," Lily groaned, dropping her face in her hands, "Absolutely terrible."

"And completely genius at the same time," James grumbled, running a hand down his face, "Brilliant and fool proof."

"How's Harry going to get out of this one?" Peter asked in a small voice.

"Well, Dumbledore wont tolerate this, he'll know somethings up if Harry doesn't turn up at school," Sirius said, and Lily sighed.

"Yes, but Hogwarts isn't for another few weeks," she said, "He can't be locked up and starving that long."

"He's a tough kid, I'm sure he'll be okay," James said soothingly.

"I bloody hate you, Remus," Lily said, and Remus spluttered.

"What did _I _do?" he asked, bewildered, and Lily huffed

"You're the one who said Vernon would probably lock him up and I told you not to jinx it," she said bitterly, and Remus rolled his eyes as the other boys laughed.

"So naturally it's my fault," he said, and Lily grinned at him, "Lovely."

**"****Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word.****"**

"I don't find that surprising at all," James grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Think if you guys had been nicer to him during that first encounter he'd have been nicer to Harry at all?" Lily asked, and Sirius scoffed.

"So the blames on us is it?" he laughed, "What about you? She's your bloody sister."

"Yes but I refuse to give up Hogwarts so she's nicer to me," she said, rolling her eyes, and the boys laughed.

"**The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry's window.****"**

"_Bars _on his _window_?" Lily asked, ending on an octave so high only dogs could hear her. James, sitting beside her, winced before putting his hand over her mouth.

"Lily, I know you're upset and all, but that noise has to be illegal," he said, and Lily shot him an amused look amidst her fury as the other boys snickered, rubbing their ears.

"They've put bars on his window James!" she squeaked, "Bars on his window!"

"Bars on his window, was it?" Peter muttered, and Sirius sniggered as Remus shoved Peter playfully.

"That's inhumane!" she squeaked, and James sighed.

"I thought we'd discussed the noise, Lil," he said, and she whacked his arm as the four boys sniggered.

"You are not listening to me," she said, and he laughed.

"Sweetheart, how can I not with you yelling in my ear at pitches only banshees are supposed to be able to reach?" he asked, and Lily flushed.

"Irrelevant," she said, waving her hand, and James chuckled, "They've put-"

"Bars on his windows?" James asked innocently, and Lily glared at him as the others laughed.

"Oh never mind," she grumbled, turning away, and James laughed.

"No!" he laughed, wrapping his arms around her, "I'm sorry you're upset and that they put bars on Harry's window," he said, kissing her on top of the head, "It's completely horrible."

"Then why don't you, any of you, seem at all upset about it?" she asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"It's not like he was planning an escape out the window," he said, and Lily huffed.

"They're treating him like an animal," she said, and James shrugged, ruffling his hair.

"I braced myself," he said, and Lily shoved him as the other three laughed.

"**He himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day.****"**

"What?" James squawked, and Lily smiled smugly as all the boys started to become furious.

"What are they playing at? That's absolutely ridiculous! He's not _actually _an animal!" Sirius hissed, crossing his arms, "A cat-flap, honestly, how degrading," he said, and the other three nodded angrily in agreement.

"Small amounts of food as well," Peter piped up, "That's hardly enough," he said, and the others grimaced.

"I am furious," James declared, and Sirius snorted.

"Why are you smiling anyway?" Remus asked Lily irritably, and the four turned to her with angry stares as she grinned widely

"Oh no, I'm just glad you're all finally acting like I wanted you to," she said, and James rolled his eyes as she grinned at them.

"**They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.****"**

"That's hardly enough!" Sirius gasped.

"I agree, that's awful, the child needs to walk around and get out of his room into the sun, get some fresh air," Remus said, shaking his head irritably

"What are you chatting about?" Sirius asked, looking at Remus, "I just meant people need to use the loo more often than that! What happens when he needs to use the bathroom in the middle of the day?" he said, and Remus' jaw dropped as Lily, James and Peter burst into a fit of laughter.

"Litterbox theory," James said, and Sirius smirked as Remus continued to gape at his best mate's idiocy and Lily and Peter continued to giggle.

**"****Three days later,****"**

"Oh Merlin he's lived like that for three days?" Lily gasped, "that's absolutely awful, my poor baby."

"I still don't understand!" Sirius exclaimed, and Remus let out a frustrated groan that had Lily in fits of giggles, "What if he needs to use the loo?"

"Maybe he goes out the window?" Peter suggested.

"It's got bars on it," James said, and Peter shrugged.

"Doesn't mean it doesn't open, does it?" he asked, and Lily grinned

"He's got a point," she said, and James stuck his tongue out at her as she giggled.

"That's hilarious," Sirius said, and they all turned to him, "Petunia can never win! Either Harry's let loose or he sticks his bum out the window and frightens the neighbors!" by the end of the outburst he was in fits of laughter, as was everyone else.

"I doubt you need to poo much when you're being fed so little," Lily said, and Sirius shrugged.

"Don't ruin my mental image," he said, and Lily shook her head fondly as the boys continued to snicker.

"**the D****u****rsleys were showing no sign of relenting, and Harry couldn't see any way out of his situation.****"**

"Anyone else?" James asked, and Sirius shook his head

"I'm out," he said, "The only things I can think of involve magic."

"If Harry unintentionally did magic, like he did at the Reptile house with the snake, will the Ministry get furious?" Lily asked, and James shrugged

"They'd probably think he did it on purpose since they already think he did the pudding thing," he said, "think he was out of control or something," he said, and Sirius laughed.

"An out of control pudding smasher! Beware!" he said, and James shook his head in amusement as the others laughed.

"**He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.****"**

"The poetry is making this sound so much more sorrowful," Sirius said, wiping away an imaginary tear, and Lily dropped her head to the table as the boys burst out laughing.

"I was wondering when that poetry shit would make a reappearance," Remus chuckled, before laughing at Lily's motionless form, poking the side of her head, "Is she alive?" he laughed, poking her again, and she reached up and smacked his hand, causing them all to laugh.

"You'd be upset if I died, Remus Lupin, and you know it," she said, and Remus grinned.

"Yeah, upset we'd never hear the end of it from Prongs," Sirius said, and James stuck his tongue out at Sirius as the others laughed.

"What is going to happen to him?" Lily asked, and Peter sighed. He opened the book to a random page and looked down.

"I saw the word Hogwarts, we're okay," he said, and the other four burst out laughing.

"That was absolutely brilliant," Sirius wheezed, ruffling Peter's hair, "Well done you!"

"Yes well done, but don't do that again, that's cheating," Remus said, and Peter rolled his eyes at Remus as the other three laughed.

**"****What was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it?****"**

"Yeah mate stop whining, I've considered that," Sirius said, and the others laughed.

"Think he's scrawny enough to get through the cat-flap?" James mused, and Lily whacked him as the other boys howled with laughter.

"Can't he ask Hedwig to go through the cat-flap and get the keys?" Remus asked.

"She's in a cage, you dimwit," Sirius said, and Remus flushed.

"Forgot," he said, embarrassed, as the others laughed.

"**Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low.****"**

"And that's saying something," James grimaced.

"**Now that the Dursleys knew they weren't going to wake up as fruit bats, he had lost his only weapon.****"**

"Nah mate, they'd be uglier than fruit bats," James said, and Lily shoved him as he sniggered.

"Damn it," Sirius grumbled, and they all frowned at him, "Now he can't even bother Dudley anymore," he said, and the others laughed.

"There goes my favourite pass time," James sniffed, and Lily shook her head fondly.

"Maybe he should start making really weird noises," Peter said, and Lily quirked a brow at him.

"What?" she said

"Hear me out!" he said, as the other three boys started to snicker, "If Harry started making really weird noises, really loudly and consistently, wouldn't they open the door or something?" he asked, and Sirius sniggered.

"That's brilliant," he said, clapping Peter on the shoulder, "I think Harry should listen to Wormtail," he said, and Lily snorted.

"Brilliant, now all you have to do is get a Time Turner and go tell him that," she said, and Sirius pulled a face at her as the others laughed.

"**Dobby might have saved Harry from horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway.****"**

"Dobby's really pissing me off," Sirius grumbled, and the others chuckled, "Look what he's done? Hasn't even had the decency to show up and apologise," he said.

"He's probably busy punishing himself," James said, and Sirius grimaced.

"Petunia's a lot of things, but she wouldn't starve him to death," Lily said, shaking her head.

"**The cat-flap rattled and Aunt Petunias hand appeared, pushing a bowl of canned soup into the room.****"**

"Please tell me she's going to give more," Lily said.

"What? You think she's going to give him a three course meal?" James asked bitterly, and Lily made a strangled noise.

"No!" she squeaked, "But maybe she'll push in some...I don't know... a real meal?" she said hopefully, and James shrugged, looking defeated.

"Doubtful Lil, she's been cruel to him thus far, why give him food?" he asked, and Lily sighed, biting her lip sadly.

"**Harry, whose insides were aching with hunger,****"**

Lily flinched at this, and Peter paused to shoot her a guilty look.

"Just keep reading, Pete," Remus said gently as Peter shot him a questioning look, and James put an arm around Lily so she could lean her head against his shoulder.

"**jumped off his bed and seized it. The soup was stone-cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp.****"**

"Wait, wait," Lily said in a high voice, hiding her face in James' shoulder, "I need a minute," she said, and James put his other arm around her as well, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

'Is she crying?' Sirius mouthed to James, gesturing to his eyes and drawing lines down his face, and James shook his head, and the three boys released the breaths they were holding.

"Alright?" James asked gently, placing a feather light kiss on Lily's forehead, and she sighed.

"I can't believe her," she said in a choked voice, turning her face out of James' arm and smiling slightly at the three boys, "sorry," she said, and Sirius snorted

"Not even a worry Lily, love," he said with a wink, and she grinned at him, "Stone-cold soup is like water with salt in it, anyway, it's ridiculous," he said, and the others chuckled.

"Why's he only had half of it?" Remus asked, and James shrugged.

"Must be too disgusting," he said, and Lily shook her head sadly.

"I'll kill her when I get home tonight," she said, and James chuckled.

"Your mother will not be happy if you fight with your sister again," he said, and Lily snorted.

"Like I care," she said, and the others chuckled.

"That's the spirit!" Sirius said cheerfully, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement.

"**Then he crossed the room to Hedwig's cage and tipped the soggy vegetables at the bottom of the bowl into her empty food tray.****"**

"That's so..." Lily said, her eyes wide, and James smiled down at her.

"Selfless," he agreed, kissing her atop the head as a small smile appeared on her face.

"I was going to say sweet, but I like yours better," she said, and James chuckled.

"I can't believe he's sacrificing his own well being to make sure Hedwigs okay as well," Remus said, a grin on his face, "That's very compassionate of him," he said, and Sirius snorted.

"Honestly Moony, you've been so sappy this chapter," he said, and Remus shot Sirius a dirty look as the rest of htem laughed.

"You have to admit he's being compassionate!" Remus said.

"Yes, alright, fine," Sirius said, and Remus turned away with a huff, causing him to roll his eyes in amusement, "Excuse me if I didn't already think Harry was caring enough to do that. I wasn't surprised," he said, and Lily grinned at him.

"Oh Sirius, you love Harry!" she said, and Sirius flushed as the other three boys sniggered.

"W-wha? No! I've never even met him!" Sirius squawked, and Lily shot him a knowing look, "alright! Fine! I care for the bloody child. Happy?" he said, and Lily beamed at him as Sirius shook his head, muttering about 'crazy wenches' and 'stupid cheeky kids'.

"**She ruffled her feathers and gave him a look of deep disgust.****"**

"Well that's rude," Remus snorted, and the others burst out laughing.

"Do you blame her Moony?" Peter laughed, "He's given her soggy vegetables from stone cold soup," he said, and Remus grimaced.

"Fair point," he conceded.

"Don't worry Remus, Hedwig's lovely, your obsession with her is completely justified," James said, and Remus let out a magnificent snort as the others sniggered.

**"****"It's no good turning your beak up at it - that's all we've got," said Harry grimly.****"**

Peter stopped talking after this as Sirius had started snickering madly, "what?" Peter asked, and Sirius sniggered again.

"Turning your beak up at it," he chuckled, and James rolled his eyes as Lily giggled, "It's such a funny thing to say!"

"Well that's what she's doing isn't it?" Peter asked, and Sirius giggled.

"Well, yeah," he said, "But it's just the way he said it," he said, and Peter shot Remus a bewildered look, receiving a shrug in return.

"I'm not going to pretend I understand," Remus said, and Lily and James laughed as Sirius shot Remus a dirty look and a smirking Peter turned back to the book.

**"****He put the empty bowl back on the floor next to the cat-flap and lay back down on the bed, somehow even hungrier than he had been before the soup.****"**

"I can't believe that's all she gave him," Lily said irritably, "I am so picking a massive fight with her tonight," she said, and James shook his head amusedly as the boys chuckled.

"Lily you pick fights with her way too often," James said, and Lily shrugged.

"If you can enjoy pestering Severus, I can enjoy pestering my sister," she said, and James' jaw dropped as the other three burst out laughing.

"I don't blame Harry for being hungrier," Sirius said, before James could retort, his voice shaking with restrained laughter, "You tend to be hungrier if you've had a taste of what you're missing."

"It's like when you have a biscuit in class and all you want to do is go to lunch even though it's ten in the morning," Peter said, and the others laughed.

**"****Supposing he was still alive in another four weeks,****"**

"Don't be dramatic," Lily snorted as the boys sniggered.

"He may be being realistic," Remus said, "If they keep feeding him like this he'll start to shrink and will vanish eventually if he gets small enough," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other three burst out laughing.

"**w****hat would happen if he didn't turn up at Hogwarts? Would someone be sent to see why he hadn't come back?****"**

"I bet they would," Sirius said.

"Especially given it's the famous Harry Potter," James said, and Sirius clucked his tongue in agreement.

"Who do you reckon they'd send?" Peter asked, and Sirius smirked.

"If I were Dumbledore I'd send Hagrid again," he said, and James snorted with laughter.

"That would be the most incredible encounter ever," he said, and the others laughed, "Especially if he saw how badly Harry was being treated. Hagrid would go ballistic."

"If Harry wasn't so miserable, I'd hope that's what would happen," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly, smiling, as the four boys sniggered.

"**Would they be able to make the Dursleys let him go?****"**

"What a stupid question," Sirius snorted, pushing his hair out of his eyes, "As if Hagrid couldn't get him out of there."

"Any magical person could," Lily agreed, and Sirius beamed at her.

"But I want it to be Hagrid," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the others snickered.

"Me too," she admitted, and he grinned at her.

**"****The room was growing dark.****"**

"He's not passing out is he?" James asked, and Sirius snorted.

"Why is that your first thought?" Sirius asked, and James stuck his tongue out at Sirius as the others laughed, "It's night time, you nutter," Sirius chuckled, and James flushed lightly

"I was being concerned," James said, and Lily giggled, kissing him on the shoulder.

"**Exhausted, stomach rumbling, mind spinning over the same unanswerable questions, Harry fell into an uneasy sleep.****"**

"The poor kid," James said sadly, shaking his head

"How is he managing to feel all those things and not explode?" Sirius asked, bewildered, and Lily laughed.

"Just because you have no feelings," she teased, and Sirius placed his hand on his heart.

"Lily, you wound me," he said and she giggled.

"I think I'd just curl into a ball and cry at that point," Lily said, and the boys laughed

"And here I thought you'd say something exciting about turning into a super human," James said, and Lily sighed.

"Well I am a superhero," she said, winking at Sirius, who grinned.

"Don't tell people about this, Mudblood, we could lose our powers," he whispered, and Lily grinned.

"Not to worry Outcast, they have no proof," she said.

**"****He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage.****"**

The five of them burst out laughing.

"I wish we knew more of Harry's dreams," Sirius sniggered, "He's hilarious on a day to day basis, but his imagination must just be completely epic," he said, and the others laughed.

"To be fair, it's not a far shout from the situation he's in," Remus said with a grimace, "he got told off for doing magic as an underage wizard and now has bars on his window," he said.

"Not to mention he's being fed like an animal," James said, and Lily grimaced.

"Even animals at zoos are better fed than that," she said, and the boys chuckled.

"**People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw.****"**

"Honestly, what a drama queen," Lily said, fighting off a smile as the boys howled with laughter around her.

"I don't even care if it's a depressing dream and he's starving and weak," James said, wiping at his eyes, "This kid is hilarious."

"**He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, "Harry Potter is safe there, sir!" and vanished.****"**

"Sounds about right," Sirius snorted, as they continued to chuckle at Harry's imagination.

"Honestly, I think Harry's developing a stereotype for Dobby," James said, and Lily let out a laugh.

"Developing?" she asked, and James smirked at her as the others laughed, "I'd say it's pretty set in stone to be honest"

"It upsets me that he's not dreaming of his friends trying to bust him out," Remus said, "Or, you know, toss him food."

"I'd toss you food," Sirius said, batting his eyelashes at Remus, and Remus rolled his eyes in amusement as they chuckled.

"**Then the Dursleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him.****"**

"Don't be upset, with the fat used to create momentum, he could break down the bars of the cage!" Sirius said excitedly, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the rest of them laughed.

**"****"Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone... cut it out... I'm trying to sleep..."****"**

"You listening Lil?" Sirius said, and Lily quirked a brow at him, "He's going to say this rubbish to you when you try to wake him up in the future."

"Let him try," Lily said, grinning, as the boys laughed.

"I'd love to hear him attempt to tell Lily to 'cut it out'," James said happily, and Lily shoved him playfully as the others laughed.

"I think 'stop it' would be where all hell broke loose," Sirius said.

"Or 'leave me alone'," Remus added, and Lily rolled her eyes as Peter sniggered madly along with the rest of them.

"You're all incorrigible," she said, and they beamed at her.

"Oh Lily, you're too kind," James said, and Lily shoved his face away from where it was smiling above hers as the four boys laughed.

**"****He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window.****"**

"This is beautiful," Sirius sniffed, wiping away an imaginary tear, "moonlight, shining through the bars on the window!"

"Sirius, I swear, I will kill you one of these days," Lily said, not managing to sound irritated due to her giggles.

"But Lily! He's looking for the silver lining! The light is shining through the bars!" Sirius said dramatically, and Lily huffed, looking down at her cutlery

"I feel like throwing either the fork or knife at him will be bad," she said to James, who sniggered, "I already threw my spoon."

"Shame," James said, and Lily sighed.

"Can I throw yours?" she asked, and James laughed, shaking his head, "My life is so difficult," she said to Remus, who snickered

"**And someone was goggling through the bars at him:****"**

"What?" James said excitedly, sitting up and knocking Lily off his side, "Who is it?"

"Don't know mate, you interrupted," Peter said, smiling nonetheless.

"I wonder who it is!" Sirius said happily, "Bet it's Hagrid," he said, and Lily snorted.

"How would Hagrid get up to the window?"

"Maybe it's Dobby, come back to gloat," Remus said bitterly, and Peter shoved him.

"Don't ruin it," Peter said, and Remus shook his head fondly.

"Okay Pete, it's the moment of truth," James said excitedly, and Lily shook her head fondly, tangling her fingers with his.

"**a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone.**

**Ron Weasley was outside Harry's window.****"**

The four boys started to cheer loudly, Sirius standing up on his seat and jumping up and down.

"No," Lily squealed, laughing, grabbing onto James' shirt so he couldn't follow Sirius up onto the seat.

"But Lily!" James said happily, standing up and pulling her up with him, swinging her around, "He's free!"

"He's still in the room!" Lily laughed, thwacking Sirius in the leg so he got off the chair.

"My minion! He's arrived!" Sirius said happily, grabbing Lily's hands and swinging her around in a circle, "He's going to save Harry! Harry's going to be fed!" Sirius said happily, pulling Lily into a massive bear hug. She'd given up on trying to control him by then and let him hug her, giggling into his chest.

"What happens now?" Remus asked Peter excitedly, "How's Ron busting him out?"

"Don't know mate," Peter said shutting the book, "That was the end of the chapter." This seemed to burst Sirius and James' happy bubbles, and they turned to Peter, flabbergasted.

"That cannot be where the chapter ends," Sirius whined, shaking his head, James shaking his head violently in agreement with Sirius. Lily took her chance to sit back down, surprised that nobody had paid their outburst any attention once again.

"Turn the page! Let's keep reading!" James said excitedly, and Peter grimaced.

"We're all tired mate, why don't we continue tomorrow," Peter said, and James groaned.

"It's only three!" Sirius said, looking down at his watch, "When do you have to be home?" Sirius asked Lily.

"Didn't ask," she said, "but I don't know how happy my mother will be if I'm out from after breakfast until dinner time every day," she said, and Sirius sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I say we pay the Evans household a visit and keep reading there after dinner," James said, and Lily gaped at him as the other three nodded excitedly.

"W-what? No!" Lily squeaked, shaking her head, and the three boys grinned widely.

"Sorry Lily, you no longer have a choice," James said, kissing her on the cheek, "go home and warn Jane dearest, we'll be there in about ten minutes," he said, and Lily groaned, hiding her face.

"I'm just going to apparate home to tell mum," Peter said, and Remus nodded.

"Me too."

"Meet here in ten?" James suggested, ignoring Lily's vigorously shaking head, and the other two nodded. With a grin to the distraught Lily, they apparated away.

"James!" Lily whined, and he grinned, kissing her so she couldn't say anything else.

"See you!" James said, and allowed Sirius to side-along him away before Lily could say anything else. Grumbling irritably, Lily turned on the spot, arriving outside her house. She stormed in and walked towards the kitchen, where she could hear her mother singing off-key

"Mum," Lily said, and Jane dropped a pan noisily, "We're having company for dinner," she said irritably, and Jane grinned.

"With you in that mood I can only guess who's coming over," she said happily, pinching her daughter on the cheek as she added more placemats onto the dining table.

* * *

"Greetings!" Sirius said, walking up behind Lily and swinging her around in a circle, "Miss us?"

"Mum!" Lily whined, but Jane was distracted hugging James and asking him how he was and probably planning their wedding in her head.

"And who's this?" Jane asked, extending her hand to Peter.

"Peter Pettigrew, ma'am," Peter said, and Jane grinned.

"The fourth piece to these boys, I presume," she said, and Peter smiled, "Fantastic," she said, grinning at Lily, who was still trying to fight off Sirius.

"Where's Petunia?" James asked, and Lily shot him a nasty look as he winked at her

"She's not home for dinner, sadly," Jane said, patting James on the cheek in a motherly way, "Suppose you're stuck with me and Andrew."

"Speak for yourself," Andrew snorted, coming up behind them and clapping James on the shoulder, "Welcome back boys," he said, and then smirked at Lily as she continued to wrestle Sirius, "Nice to see things haven't changed."

* * *

**Well there you have it. Hope you all enjoyed it!**

**If you guys have any suggestions/criticism/things you want me to change (that does not involve hating on Peter) please let me know in a review! And if you enjoyed it, let me know in a review as well!**

**Bottom line: Review please!**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter (: **


	4. The Burrow

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter books nor the characters, simply the storylines I've made up.**

* * *

"So how have you all been?" Jane asked, grinning around at the four boys sitting at her dining table. Lily was sitting next to Andrew, who smirked at her eye-roll.

"Spiffing, Jane dearest, and how have you been?" Sirius said happily, and James chuckled as Jane pinked slightly..

"Oh, er, well, I've been fine," she said, smiling, and Sirius winked at her, before taking a gargantuan bite of rice.

"I'm losing my appetite," Remus grimaced, from where he was sitting across from Sirius, and Sirius opened his mouth at Remus, who grimaced at the contents.

"Mature," Peter snorted, and Sirius turned to him, open-mouthed, causing him to snicker.

"Where is darling Petunia?" Sirius said, after swallowing, and Lily shot him a warning look.

"She went out with Vernon for dinner," Andrew said, stabbing at his food with his fork.

"Do you know when they'll return?" Sirius asked innocently, and James covered up a snort of laughter with a cough, earning a sardonic look from Lily, causing him to grin.

"Shouldn't be too long," Jane said, chewing at her bottom lip as she looked at the large clock, "I'd give it a couple of hours," she said, and Lily spluttered.

"A couple of hours! How long does dinner take?"

"Don't go off on your sister now, Lily," Jane said, "You went out with your boyfriend after breakfast and returned for dinner," she scolded, and Lily flushed as the boys sniggered

"Yes but the other three were there too," Lily grumbled, and the boys grinned at her.

"If you wanted, you could wait and meet the two," Andrew said, his lips twitching with the memory of last time, and Jane shot him a stern look.

"Only if you promise to behave this time," she said, looking pointedly at Sirius and James, who adopted sombre expressions.

"Can I promise to try?" James said, and a smile fought it's way onto Jane's face as Andrew coughed amusedly.

"Get out of my sight," Jane giggled, and Lily took that as her cue to stand up

"Come on," she said, and the boys stood up, grabbing their plates, James taking Lily's, and depositing them in the kitchen despite Jane's protests, "We're going upstairs," Lily said, and heard the acknowledging sounds from her parents, before leading the four up the stairs.

"I like your parents," Peter said, and Lily smiled at him.

"So where do we go?" Sirius said, clapping his hands.

"Let's go to Lily's room," James said, before Lily could say anything, and made his way for the door.

"No! It's really messy!" Lily squeaked, and the boys smirked before James opened the door.

"This is hardly messy," Remus scoffed, eyeing the unmade bed and the few clothes strewn by the cupboard, "It just looks like you left in a hurry."

"I did," Lily sighed, grabbing the clothes off the floor and throwing them towards the laundry basket, before making her way over to the bed and fixing it.

"You don't have to clean up," James teased, and Lily laughed.

"You don't know my mother," she said, "if she ever finds out you saw my room in such an appalling state, I'll never hear the end of it,"s he said, and the boys laughed.

Once Lily had made her bed, James jumped onto it.

"I just made that!" Lily squawked, and James winked at her before grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the bed next to him.

"No, I don't like the idea of them on the bed together," Remus said, shaking his head, and Peter sniggered.

"Maybe you should get in the middle," he said to Remus, who threw him a look as he continued to snicker.

"I'll do it!" Sirius said excitedly, jumping onto the bed and taking residence between Lily and James, throwing his arms around both of them as they sat back against the headboard, "Hello!"

"Hullo," Lily giggled.

"Foul play," James grumbled, crossing his arms, and Sirius kissed him smack on the cheek, causing him to shake his head in amusement as the others laughed. Remus and Peter sat down on the other side of the bed, and Remus pulled the book out of his pocket.

"That poor thing must be so squished up by now," Lily said, as Remus pulled out the now curved book.

"It's a book," Sirius said bluntly, and Peter snickered.

"Is it?" he said, and Sirius smirked at him.

"Who's reading?" Remus asked, ignoring the exchange, and James' hand shot up, "Anyone?" Remus asked, and James shot his grinning friend a look as he caught the book.

"So Ron's outside the window, right?" Sirius asked, and Lily nodded next to him, "Excellent. Off you go Prongs," he said, clapping James on the back, and James sighed, opening the book to the right page.

"What's our story if Lily's parents walk in?" Peter asked, and Lily shrugged.

"We'll play it by ear if it happens," she said, and Remus chuckled.

"That's very unorganised of you, Lily," he said, shaking his head, "I am appalled."

"You're just jealous that I can think on my feet," she teased back, and Remus pulled a face at her.

"**"Ron." breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. "Ron, how did you -? What the -?"****"**

"I have a few questions," Sirius said, and Lily dropped her face into her hands, "Firstly, why is Harry creeping to the window, that seems strictly unnecessary," he said, and Lily snorted, causing James to grin, "and secondly, how is Ron up by the window?"

"I'll take the second question if someone else want's to take the first," Remus said, and Lily grinned at his sardonic tone of voice.

"That's very noble of you," she teased, and he snorted.

"He's creeping probably to make sure he doesn't wake the Dursley's," Peter said, and James shushed him.

"We can't keep saying names with Lily's parents around, they might walk in to see what we're talking about," James said, and Lily grimaced.

"They are the nosy sort," she agreed, and James' lips quirked upwards.

"Maybe we should come up with a nickname," he continued, still smirking slightly from Lily's quip.

"We can call them the Dunderheads," Sirius suggested, and Lily snorted as the other boys laughed.

"Of all things," she said, and Sirius shrugged.

"It's what McGonagall calls me when she's lecturing me in detention," he said, and Lily giggled.

"Now that I think about it, you do strike me as a dunderhead," she said, and he shoved her playfully, "I think it's a brilliant idea," she giggled, and Sirius flicked his hair out of his eyes.

"As are all of mine," he said, and James rolled his eyes

"The punishment was your stupid idea," James said, and Lily giggled at the memory of Sirius running naked down the corridor, braids in his hair and his bum painted blue.

"Firstly, it's brilliant and you know it," Sirius said, and James snorted, "and secondly, Lily please stop imagining me naked," he said, and Lily laughed along with the other boys.

"Let's just go with the Dunderheads," Peter chuckled, "So we can move on with the story."

"That's the most brilliant thing you've ever said," James sighed, looking down at the book.

"I feel like we should interrupt more, so he get's a taste of his own medicine," Remus said, and James stuck his middle finger up at him.

"You didn't answer the second question," Lily said, and Remus grumbled as Sirius' eyes widened.

"Trying to sabotage my knowledge, are you?" he asked, and Remus snorted as the others laughed.

"I was just going to say Harry's reaction makes it seem like we're going to find out in the next sentence," Remus said, and James looked down at the page.

"Fair point," James said, "He cut off his question and asked 'what the-?'," he added, and Remus smirked at Sirius, who crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out.

"**Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked in midair.****"**

"Wicked," Sirius and James said together, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Isn't that wildly illegal? Enchanting muggle objects?" Lily asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"Not if you don't get caught," he said, and Lily snorted.

"Lily, you're trying to reason with the man whose newfound ambition in life is to own a flying motorcycle," Remus said, and Lily sighed as Sirius' eyes lit up excitedly

"Forgot about that rubbish," Lily said, and Remus chuckled.

"**Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.****"**

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily asked, her lips twitching with laughter as James and Sirius honked excitedly to each other about the joys of flying vehicles and how Fred and George were definitely their prodigies and other such idiocy.

"Such a brilliant idea," Peter sighed, shaking his head, "What?" he said, under Lily's stern eye, "They're rescuing him! Shouldn't you be bouncing excitedly or something?" he asked, and Lily's jaw dropped as the other three sniggered.

"Mate, you're on fire," Remus chuckled, and Lily crossed her arms.

"Oh cheer up Evans, you're uncharacteristically grumpy for a girl whose got four dashing lads in her bed," Sirius said, ruffling her hair, and Lily rolled her eyes, smiling, as they all sniggered.

"Well you're obviously not doing a good job then," she said, and Sirius snorted as the others laughed.

"Please woman, if I was trying-"

"Can we not, please?" James said, and Sirius snickered, throwing his arm around James and kissing him on the cheek, once again, "And can you stop bloody kissing me?"

"Just making sure you don't miss Lily," Sirius said, and James snorted, wiping his cheek as Sirius kissed him again, as the other three laughed.

"I don't understand how they can drive," Lily said, "I mean, who taught them?"

"Because that's the primary concern right now," James teased, leaning around Sirius to smirk at Lily, who flushed.

"Well, it's worrying, I'd like to make sure Harry doesn't die in a fiery car crash, thanks," she said, and James smirked at her once more, causing her to flush deeper, "Oh shut up and read," she grumbled, and James smirked.

"Rather contradictory statement isn't it?" he asked, leaning back and looking at the book as she shook her head fondly and the other boys chuckled.

**"****"All right, Harry?" asked George.****"**

"Just a casual greeting," Remus chuckled, "All right, Harry? Just driving a flying car here, nothing out of the ordinary," he said, and the others laughed.

"Well what do you expect him to say?" Peter snorted, "Look at me! I'm flying a car!" he said, and the others laughed again as Remus snorted.

**"****"What's been going on?" said Ron. "Why haven't you been answering my letters? I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles-"****"**

"Oh bless him, he's come to check on Harry," Lily said, grinning widely, and James chuckled.

"There's your reaction, Wormtail," he said, nodding towards Lily, who flushed as Peter smirked.

"Naturally Harry Potter doing underage magic in front of muggles would fly around the magical world," Remus snorted, and Lily shrugged.

"Maybe there's another explanation," she suggested, "I doubt the Daily Prophet would care, to be honest," she said, rolling her eyes, and the boys chuckled.

"Can you imagine?" Sirius sniggered, "On the front page- Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, Levitated Cake in front of Muggles," he said in a deep voice, and the others laughed.

"I know I've said this before," Lily said, and James shook his head in amusement.

"Here we go," he said, and Lily reached around Sirius to flick him in the arm, causing him to chuckle.

"But I told you they hadn't forgotten about him," she said smugly, and Sirius snorted.

"All hail Queen Lily," he said, and Lily flushed as the others laughed.

"You wish. The world would be a better place if I was in charge," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Please, Prongs would have been executed years ago," Sirius said, and Lily giggled.

"Undoubtedly," she said, and James pulled a face as the others laughed.

**"****"It wasn't me - and how did he know?"****"**

"Your explanation is foolproof and undeniable," Remus snorted, "It wasn't me," he mimicked.

"Well he can't possibly launch into the whole story with them hovering outside the window now can he?" Lily huffed, and Sirius laughed.

"Goodness gracious Lily, calm your tits, Moony meant no harm," he said, and Lily spluttered, flushing, as the other boys sniggered.

**"****"He works for the Ministry," said Ron. "You know we're not supposed to do spells outside school-"**

"Well that explains how he knew," Peter said, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oi! If you were any minion of mine you'd be leaning over for a hi-five," Sirius scolded, looking down at the book, and Lily beamed.

"Must be good influence," she said, and James snorted.

"Babe, he's hovering in an enchanted car with Fred and George," he said, and Lily flushed as the others laughed, "He has not been poisoned by good influence."

"There's nothing wrong with good influence!" Lily squeaked, "You lot have Remus!"

"I had nowhere near enough power," Remus said sadly, and Lily giggled.

"We corrupted him easily enough," Sirius shrugged, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement, "Face it Lil, everyone wants to be a troublemaker, people are attracted to bad boys," he finished, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

"I'm not," she snorted, and James leaned around Sirius to smirk at her, causing her to flush darkly

"Aren't you?" he asked, and she flushed further as the others sniggered.

"Die," she said, "Or I'll have you executed."

"Yes Queen Lily of Lilyland," James chuckled, causing the other three boys to snicker and Lily to flush again.

**"****"You should talk," said Harry, staring at the floating car.****"**

"Honestly Harry, this is no time to fight for your dignity," James snorted, and the others laughed.

"There's a suggestion I never thought would come flying out of your mouth," Remus snorted, and Lily laughed.

**"****"Oh, this doesn't count," said Ron. "We're only borrowing this. It's Dad's, we didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with-"****"**

"Hold on," Lily said, rubbing at her forehead, "So Mr. Weasley works at the Ministry, and he's the one who illegally tampered with the car?"

"Brilliant if you ask me," Sirius said, "Nobody would suspect the guy at the Ministry," he said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

"That was not my point," she said, and Sirius shrugged.

"It should've been," he said, and she sighed exasperatedly as he beamed at her.

**"****"I told you, I didn't - but it'll take too long to explain now - look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'll think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so-"****"**

"Oh Merlin, they won't leave him there will they?" Lily asked, and Sirius snorted.

"If he's any minion of mine, he's come with a plan," he said, and Remus snorted.

"Disregarding that," he said, turning away from a very affronted Sirius towards a grinning Lily, "given they've come at night, I figure they've come to break him out."

"Thanks," Lily said, as Sirius spluttered about the balance between good and evil and how Remus obviously supported evil and how unfair life was and how Remus should feel at James, who simply smirked down at the book.

**"****"Stop gibbering," said Ron. "We've come to take you home with us."****"**

"Rudest heroic phrase I've ever heard," Peter said, and Lily laughed.

"Stop gibbering," she chuckled, "honestly, this boy's as comforting as a toothache."

"I find toothaches quite comforting," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes as James snickered, "Reminds me I'm human."

"Suppose that would come in handy when you're the Devils advocate," Lily said simply, and Sirius smirked.

**"****"But you can't magic me out either-"****"**

"He says as they hover in front of him in a magic car," Peter said, shaking his head as the others laughed, "Honestly, they're in a flying car, stop questioning them!"

"Anyone up for a motorcycle store tomorrow?" Sirius asked, eyes twinkling massively.

"Absolutely not," Lily said, and James turned to smirk at Sirius.

"I'll come with you," he said, and Sirius beamed at him as Lily shot them both warning looks, "As long as you let me on the bike."

"Absolutely not, James Potter," Lily said, and he winked at her.

"And this, Prongs, is why you're my best mate," Sirius said, ruffling James' hair, "What would I do without you?"

"Shop by yourself," Remus said, and Lily laughed.

**"****"We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me."****"**

"Oh of course, the Devils duo," Lily said, and Remus laughed.

"Advertising the Devil today, are we?" he asked, and Lily shrugged, grinning.

"Seems fitting," she said.

"Nice to know Fred and George are part of my group," Sirius said, "Given I'm the advocate and all."

"Can I be part of your group?" James asked, and Sirius chuckled.

"Of course you can Prongsie," he said in a baby voice, pinching James' cheek as James rolled his eyes.

"Well that ends our relationship," Lily said, and James snorted.

"Please Lily, you love me too much to leave me," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes but said nothing else as James smirked.

"Maybe _you _are the Devils duo, not them," she said, and James and Sirius grinned at each other.

"Lily I haven't blushed this much since your mother flirted with me earlier," Sirius said, fanning his face, and Lily whacked him as the others laughed.

**"****"Tie that around the bars," said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry.****"**

"And you're going to pull them off?" Lily asked, quirking a brow skeptically and looking towards her window, "Wouldn't that make a massive noise?"

"I doubt they're strong enough," Sirius scoffed, and Lily rolled her eyes as Remus smirked at her exasperation.

"They've got the car," Peter said, "Surely they'd just drive away and tie the rope to the car, no?"

"You're spouting so much brilliance today Wormtail," James said happily, and Peter took a mock bow as Sirius harrumph-ed and Lily giggled.

**"****"If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead," said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car.****"**

"Brilliant work Pete," Remus said, and Peter snorted.

"I think Wormtail needs a minion," Sirius said suddenly, and James snorted.

"Why did that suddenly fly into your mind?" James asked, and Sirius shot him a look before shrugging.

"Just did," he said.

"Remus doesn't have a minion," Lily said, and Sirius' jaw dropped.

"Everyone needs a minion!"

"I'm good thanks," Remus snorted, as the others laughed.

"Me as well," Peter said, "I wouldn't know the character you gave me anyway," he said, and Sirius sighed.

"Shame," he said, "I was going to give you Neville Longbottom," he said, and Lily shot him a stern look as he grinned.

**"****"Don't worry," said Fred, "and stand back."****"**

"At least he's got this comforting hero thing down," Remus said, and Lily laughed.

**"****Harry moved back into the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent.****"**

"Smart bird," Remus said, and James grinned.

"Now both of us have one of them!" he said, and Lily scoffed as the others laughed.

"I'm not a possession, James," she said, and he shushed her.

"Quiet wench, I'm reading," he said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

"**The car revved louder and louder and suddenly, with a crunching noise, the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground.****"**

"Brilliant," Peter said, grinning widely.

"These two could escape Azkaban if they put their minds to it, crazy devils," Lily snorted, and Sirius smirked.

"You saying I could as well?" he teased, and Lily rolled her eyes

"Please Sirius," she said, and he smirked at her as the others laughed.

"I bet you I could," he said, and Lily snorted.

"I hope we never have to find out," she said, and he grinned.

"Care about me, do you Evans?" he asked, and Lily snorted.

"Not on your life,"she said, and he winked.

"**Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car.****"**

"Why?" Remus asked, bewildered, "Wouldn't that just take up all the space?"

"Would you rather he drop them and have the noise wake up the Dursleys?" James asked casually, turning the page, and Remus rubbed his nose.

"Checkmate," Sirius said, and Remus rolled his eyes as James and Sirius sniggered.

"**Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys'bedroom.****"**

"Other than the painful shrieks from the wood holding the bed up," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly as the others laughed.

"Because of Petunia, of course," James clarified, and Sirius nodded.

"Of course."

**"****When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window.****"**

"What about his stuff?" Peter asked, and Sirius snorted.

"He won't forget his stuff, mate, chill yourself," he said, and Peter flushed.

"Don't be mean, he was just asking," Lily said, whacking Sirius on the thigh.

"Careful where you put your hands Evans, don't know if I could hold back when we're on a bed," Sirius said, and Lily flushed as James flicked Sirius on the side of the head.

"Bad Padfoot," James said, and Sirius winked at him.

**"****"Get in," Ron said.**

**"But all my Hogwarts stuff - my wand - my broomstick-"****"**

Sirius shot Peter a triumphant look, and Peter responded with a middle finger.

"**"Where is it?"**

"Where are _they_," Remus corrected bitterly, and the others burst out laughing, "Oh fuck off you lot," he grumbled, looking away from them as they continued to laugh.

"Remus, I think I'm in love with you," Lily giggled, and Remus smirked as James spluttered.

"While I'm in bed as well Lily, way to hurt a man when he's vulnerable," he scoffed, and Lily rolled her eyes as the others laughed.

**"****"Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room-"****"**

"Could they not use the front door?" Sirius asked, and Lily rolled her eyes

"First off, that would be locked," she said, and Sirius flushed as James sniggered madly next to him, "and secondly, the cupboard is locked as well."

"Well I was just throwing out an idea," he grumbled, and Lily grinned at him, "You're so picky today."

"Oh go cry about it to someone who cares," she said, and Peter snorted in amusement.

**"****"No problem," said George from the front passenger seat. "Out of the way, Harry."****"**

"How can they possibly solve this problem?" Remus asked, and James shrugged.

"The muggle way?" he suggested, and Peter rolled his eyes

"Where would they have gotten the key?" he asked

"Alright, no need to turn into angry Hippogriffs, I was just tossing an idea around," James said, and Sirius patted him comfortingly on the knee.

"Feel my pain?" he asked, and James snorted.

**"****Fred and George climbed catlike****"**

"That really is a shame, I prefer dogs," Sirius said, and James snorted.

"You would, mangy mutt," he said, and Sirius shoved him as the others laughed.

"I feel like you're the one breaking my heart, coming out with your relationship and all while I'm on the bed next to you two," Lily sniffed, and James smirked.

"Taste of your own medicine, dear," he said, and Lily snorted.

"He can have you," she scoffed, "Can't believe you had the audacity to call me _dear _of all things," she grumbled, and the boys snickered.

"**through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.****"**

"I've never thought of learning that!" Sirius gasped, "That would be brilliant!" he said. He looked over at Lily's hair and groaned.

"Sorry, I don't wear hairpins," Lily chuckled, watching Sirius.

"Do you not have any?" he whined, and Peter snorted.

"Even if she did, mate, I doubt she'd give one to you so you could learn to pick locks," he said, and Sirius sighed.

"Can you imagine what we could do at Hogwarts if we could pick locks?" Sirius asked James wistfully, and James smirked.

"At Hogwarts you're allowed to use your wand," he said, and Sirius huffed.

"Some locks you can't unlock with Alohamora," he said, and Remus smirked.

"Then what makes you think a bloody hairpin would work?" he asked, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus.

"Does the hairpin thing even work?" Peter asked, and Lily shrugged.

"I've never tried it," she said, and James tutted.

"And here you had us all fooled into thinking you were a proper muggle," he said, and Lily shoved Sirius into him, causing both boys to make loud noises of protest, whining about physical abuse and violence not being the answer.

**"****"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick," said Fred, "but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow."**

**There was a small click and the door swung open.****"**

"That's genius," Sirius declared, clapping his hands, "tomorrow, we are investing in hairpins," he said to James, who snorted.

"Or we could steal them from my mums dresser," James said, and Sirius' eyes twinkled.

"Ah. Mrs. Potter would never know," Sirius said happily, and James chuckled.

"You underestimate the bond a woman has with her hairpins," Lily said, and Remus snorted.

"I thought you didn't wear hairpins," he said, and Lily shrugged.

"I have that bond with hair ties," she said, lifting her arm to show off the band around her wrist, "It drives me absolutely spare when I don't have one on me."

"Psht. Ovaries," James said to Peter, who smirked as Lily snorted.

**"****"So - we'll get your trunk - you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron," whispered George.****"**

"Why is he suddenly whispering?" Remus snorted, "They've been talking at a normal volume the whole time."

"Yes but now the doors unlocked," Lily said, rolling her eyes, "Voices carry," she added with a grin, as she heard her father singing to himself as he came up the stairs.

"Fantastic voice," Peter said, looking towards the door as the voice went further away.

"It really is," Sirius said, "Wonder why you didn't get it, Lily," he added with a smirk, and Lily scoffed.

"You're just jealous that James picked me over you,"she said, and Sirius sniffled, wiping away an imaginary tear as James chuckled, turning the page.

**"****"Watch out for the bottom stair - it creaks," Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing.****"**

"I would love to wander through a strange house in the dark," Sirius said, grinning widely, before turning to Lily with a smirk.

"I'm not getting any sleep tonight," she said, and Sirius' smirk widened as James grinned.

"That would be fun," he said, "Showing up at Lily's house in the middle of the night."

"Yes, I'm sure we all know why you'd find it fun, but I meant it perfectly innocently," Sirius said, grinning as James' grin turned wolfish

"Dirty boy," Peter scolded and James winked.

"Sleep with one eye open, please," Remus said to Lily, who nodded, eyes closed in mock horror.

**"****Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron.****"**

"Honestly, how they're going to fit everything in, with the bars from Harry's window, is beyond me," Lily said, shaking her head.

"Why don't they leave the bars in Harry's room?" James asked, and Sirius snorted.

"That's actually a great question," he said, and James rolled his eyes

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he said, and Sirius smirked.

"Not a problem, good sir," he said, and James shoved Sirius, who shoved him back.

"If you two would mature a few years, that would be great," Lily said, and James wagged his brows at her, leaning around Sirius, causing her to flush.

"Why are you blushing so much?" Peter asked, and Sirius sniggered.

"Having Prongs in her bed does funny things," he said wisely, and Lily shoved him onto James again. The two didn't mind this time, having succumbed to roars of laughter.

"**Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs.****"**

"Like you could do much, scrawny git," Peter snickered, and James kicked him as the others laughed.

"Watch it," James said, "Scrawny people are stronger than they look."

"He says after years of Quidditch and muscle building," Remus snorted, and James pouted at the sniggering Sirius.

"They're hurting my feelings," he said, and Lily giggled.

"It's okay James, we already decided your muscles were bigger than Sirius' in the last book," she said, and Sirius spluttered as James beamed at Lily.

"Knew I pulled you for a reason," he said, throwing her a wink.

"**Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough.****"**

"Cough as in, he's still asleep cough, or cough as in, he's standing behind you cough?" Sirius asked, and Lily snorted.

"It's a mark of how much time I've been spending with you that that actually made sense to me," she said, and Sirius threw his arm around her playfully as she giggled.

"**At last, panting, they reached the landing,****"**

"That sounds incredibly saucy, don't you think?" James mused, and Sirius sniggered madly with Peter as Remus clapped his hand to his forehead and Lily blushed.

"Sounds like climaxing, doesn't it Lil?" Sirius teased, nudging Lily, "We all know how you like those climaxes," he said, and Lily shoved him.

"And how much she detests interruptions during the climax," James added, and Sirius sniggered.

"Challenge accepted," Sirius said, and Lily dropped her face in her hands.

"This is going too far, we're in my parents house, for Merlin's sakes," she said, and the boys all sniggered, "My father is across the hall!" she added with a squeak.

"All the more reason to interrupt!" Sirius said, and Lily shoved him as James grinned.

"**then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side.****"**

"A mark of true friendship is being able to do all this without saying a single word," Remus said, and Sirius beamed at him.

"We carry out all our plans silently," Sirius said.

"Are we true friends?" James finished, beaming at Remus, who huffed and turned to look at Peter, who was beaming at him similarly.

"What do I do?" Remus asked Lily, who snorted and shrugged.

"They're not mine," she said, and the other three shot her momentary scowled as Remus laughed.

"Yes we're true friends," Remus said, and the four boys cheered.

"You're not," Sirius said to Lily, who wiped away an imaginary tear.

"**Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window.****"**

"Give me a moment, I have an erection," Sirius said, and Lily's face contorted as the boys roared with laughter, "The sheer dirtiness of that phrase, it's like an erotic novel."

"I don't want to sit next to him anymore," Lily announced, and Sirius smirked, wrapping his arms around Lily and throwing one of his legs over hers, causing her to squeal as the others laughed.

"I can't help it," he said, as she threw him a look, "It's the bed!"

"Get off," James snorted, grabbing Sirius' trousers from the bum and pulling him back, causing him to yell as his underwear gave him a wedgie.

"Prongs!" Sirius yelled, and James shrugged, smirking.

"You threw yourself on my girlfriend, consider us even," he said, and Sirius huffed, raising his pelvis from the bed and sticking his hand down the back of his trousers, pulling his underwear out. He turned to look at Lily, who quirked a brow at him, before grinning and wiping his hand on James' arm, causing James to squawk and shove Sirius, as the others laughed.

**"****Uncle Vernon coughed again.****"**

"Get that checked," Sirius huffed, "There's nothing more irritating than someone coughing while you're trying to sleep," he said, throwing Peter a look, and Peter shrugged.

"I was ill," he said, "And you wouldn't let me go to Pomfrey."

"Why?" Lily asked, bewildered, and Sirius snorted.

"You don't go to Pomfrey for a cough!"

"Then you shouldn't complain about him coughing in his sleep," Lily said, and Peter smirked at Sirius as he gaped.

**"****"A bit more," panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car. "One good push-"****"**

"Don't even," Lily said, slapping her hand over Sirius' mouth as he opened it, a dirty twinkle in his eye.

"You're ruining my fun," Sirius pouted, and James smirked.

**"****Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car.****"**

"He can go! He's ready!" Sirius yelled excitedly, bouncing up and down on the bed, causing all of them to squawk as the mattress bounced them all.

"I don't appreciate you bouncing on my bed," Lily squeaked.

"Yeah!" James said, "Only I'm supposed to make this mattress bounce," he said, sending Lily a dirty grin, and she threw a pillow at him as he sniggered dirtily and the other boys howled with laughter.

"In your dreams, Potter," Lily said, flushing, and he grinned roguishly.

**"****"Okay, let's go," George whispered.  
But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him,****"**

"He was about to forget Hedwig?" Remus squawked.

"He should be punished by wolves, fed to giants, trampled by centaurs," Sirius said dramatically, and Remus shot him a look as the other three stifled chuckles.

"To be fair, I think it's appalling that he forgot his owl," Lily said, and Remus grinned at her, "Given she was his only companion."

"A moody bitch at that," James said, and Lily shrieked indignantly as he smirked at her, "I know the feeling."

"I hate you," she said, and he grinned, turning the page happily, "I'm not bloody moody."

"Okay," Sirius snorted, and Lily shoved him playfully.

"**followed immediately by the thunder of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

**"THAT RUDDY OWL!"****"**

"Shit!" Lily squeaked, sitting up quickly, crossing her legs, "Run Harry!"

"Get Hedwig and run!" Remus squawked.

"On today's report of Swots Gone Wild," Sirius said in a deep voice, and they shot him sardonic looks as James and Peter roared with laughter, "Remus and Lily go insane over a book."

"I hope you die," Remus said, and Lily scoffed.

"Or all your hair falls off," she said, and Sirius gasped, hand flying to his head.

"You couldn't wish such a terrible fate upon me," he said, grabbing her face in his hands, and Lily giggled, trying to get out of his hold, "Fair maiden, say it isn't so!"

"Not this shit again," James snorted, grabbing Sirius' shirt and pulling him back, "Down Sirius!" he said, and Sirius scoffed as the others snickered.

**"****"I've forgotten Hedwig!"****"**

"Really?" Peter said, and James shot him an amused look.

**"****Harry tore back across the room as the landing light clicked on - he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron.****"**

"Good! Now hurry!" Sirius squawked.

"On today's report of Idiots Acting Like Themselves," Lily said, and Sirius shoved her, causing her to squeal, as the other three laughed.

"Why has it taken so long for Vernon to get into the room?" Peter asked, and Remus smacked his forehead as Sirius' eyes twinkled.

"Look what you've done," Remus grumbled, drowned out as Sirius began to speak.

"Because, Wormtail, he's so massive it simply takes him that much time walk a few steps, the strength required to lift up a leg, you have no idea," he said, shaking his head pityingly, and Lily snorted.

"And you do, because of your massive thighs," she said, and Sirius spluttered as the boys burst out laughing.

"I do not have massive thighs!" Sirius roared, wrapping his hands around his thigh, "See? You wish your thighs were as toned as mine."

"She has great thighs, thanks," James said, and Lily flushed, reaching around Sirius to kick him, as he sniggered to himself.

"He's probably finding the keys, Peter," Lily said, and Peter smiled at her as Sirius snorted, muttering about sugar-coating things and how he was probably right and Lily didn't want to admit it.

"**He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door - and it crashed open.****"**

"Well this should be fun," Remus sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, looking at James expectantly.

"He has to climb up onto the chest of drawers?" Lily asked, frowning, "How bloody high is that window?"

"I think the question is, how bloody short is your child?" Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

**"****For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway;****"**

"He fit in the doorway?" Sirius gasped, and Peter laughed.

"**then he let out a bellow like an angry bull****"**

"Appropriate animal choice Harry, well done," Sirius said, and Lily shoved him

"Will you let James finish the scene?" she sighed, and Sirius smirked.

"Ruining the climax for you, am I?"he asked, and Lily shot him a disgusted look as he grinned, "Okay, I'll stop," he laughed under her embarrassed glare, throwing his arm around her shoulders in a brotherly manner.

"Hallelujah," Peter muttered, and Remus chuckled.

"**and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle.****"**

"No!" Remus groaned, dropping his face into his hands, "So close!"

"Don't worry, I doubt the Weasley's will let the Dunderheads keep Harry," James said, and Lily giggled.

"It's so funny when you say it," she said, and James raised his eyebrows, bewildered.

"Why?" he asked, flabbergasted.

"I don't know!" she giggled, and a small smile started to spread across James' face as he watched her go to pieces, "It just...it just does!"

"Flawless argument," Remus chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as Lily continued to giggle into Sirius' side.

**"****Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could.****"**

"YEAH!" Sirius yelled, and Lily slapped her hand over his mouth, making a loud clapping sound, causing him to groan.

"Don't!" she squeaked, "My parents will come in!"

"It's not like they don't know there are four boys in your room," Peter said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the others chuckled.

"You little slut," James said, and Lily leaned around Sirius to pinch James' arm, only causing him to chuckle at her futile attempts at injuring him.

"They should be careful, wouldn't want Harry's arms to fly off," Sirius said, "scrawny people are only held together by so much," he said wisely, and James shoved Sirius as Lily giggled harder.

**"****"Petunia!" roared Uncle Vernon. "He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"****"**

"Haven't I just yelled at Sirius?" Lily whined, as the four boys roared with laughter after James screaming the last phrase, scaring the wits out of Lily.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door and Lily threw them all scathing glances as they continued to laugh. The door opened to reveal Andrew Evans, looking around concernedly.

"I heard yelling..." he said, stopping short when he saw the four boys laughing on the bed and Lily sitting cross-legged, looking exasperated, and grinned, "Given you look so irritable, Lily, I'll just leave you to take your anger out on these boys," he said, and the boys grinned at Lily, whose jaw dropped.

"I thought you were going to come into yell at them for screaming!" she squeaked, and Andrew scoffed.

"I can't tell your friends off," he said, and Lily huffed, "But I can tell James off if you'd like," he said, and James gaped at him as Lily beamed and Andrew smirked.

"With all due respect sir, that's unfair, Lily started it," Remus said, and Lily shrieked indignantly as Remus kept a blank expression as he looked up at Andrew, who chuckled.

"Well I don't find that surprising," he said, shaking his head fondly, "I'll leave you to it then, no more shouting Lily," he said, closing the door, and Lily turned to narrow her eyes at Remus as James, Sirius and Peter sniggered at his innocent expression.

"You bastard!" Lily hissed, and a slow grin spread across Remus' face.

"Can't have you underestimating my loyalty to the Marauders," he said, and James blew Remus a kiss.

"My hero," James said, and Remus snorted.

"Told you he was just as sly as the rest of us," Sirius said, and Lily huffed, crossing her arms.

"And here I thought we could be friends," she said to Remus, who smirked.

"Your life would be empty without me Lily," he said, and she snorted.

**"****But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp - Harry was in the car - he'd slammed the door shut—**

**"Put your foot down, Fred!" yelled Ron, and the car shot suddenly toward the moon.****"**

"He's free!" Sirius cheered, wrapping his arms and legs around James, who looked at him as if he'd gone insane, "They did it! He's free!" he continued, now completely on top of James, practically straddling him, as Remus raised his eyebrows, Peter looked away from the scene, and Lily shook with silent laughter.

"Padfoot! Get off!" James squawked, as Sirius officially straddled him, "Get off!"

"I understand, we'll at least wait until we're no longer on Lily's bed," Sirius said, getting off a very red James, who ruffled his hair and fixed his glasses.

"Thank you," Lily deadpanned, and Sirius winked at her.

"Anything for you, my love."

"If you could never do that again, I'd really appreciate it," Remus said, and Sirius smirked at him as James snorted in agreement.

"Don't feel left out Moony, you'll be next," Sirius winked, and Remus closed his eyes in disgust.

"Despite the scarring little performance we just witnessed," Peter said, "I'm so happy!"

"Me too!" Lily squealed, grinning at Peter, "He's _free!_"

"Feel free to straddle me if you feel the need to do so," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as Sirius pouted.

"I feel so used," Sirius said, and James snorted, shoving his best mate.

**"****Harry couldn't believe it - he was free. He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window.****"**

"Can you imagine how weird it would be for muggles to see a flying car?" Remus mused, and James shrugged

"They knew magic existed, it wouldn't be that shocking would it?"

"Of course it would," Lily snorted, "It would be shocking for magical people to see it as well," she said, and James shrugged, conceding.

"Valid point," he said, and Lily grinned

"It's been know to happen, a lot," she said, and James snorted.

"See what I have to put up with?" he said to Peter, who smirked.

**"****"See you next summer!" Harry yelled.****"**

"Cheeky little snot," Lily chuckled, shaking her head fondly as the boys howled with laughter.

"There is nothing he could have said that would top that," James laughed, shaking his head, "Nothing."

"Nothing, was it?" Peter asked, and James smirked at him as the others laughed.

"I can only imagine the look on the Dunderhead clan's faces," Sirius sighed, closing his eyes happily as if imagining it, which, given it was Sirius, was probably what he was doing.

"The mustache would fall off his face in shock!" Remus gasped, and James sniggered.

"Can you imagine him without a mustache?"

"He'd look like a squished potato," Sirius said, and James sniggered as Lily flicked Sirius, giggling quietly.

**"****The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning from ear to ear.****"**

"Conceited twit," Remus said, winking at Lily, who laughed.

"Must be hereditary," she said, and James smirked.

"It's okay love, I forgive you for passing that on," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as he grinned, obviously very proud of himself.

**"****"Let Hedwig out," he told Ron. "She can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her wings for ages."****"**

"That's very sweet of him," Remus said, smiling, and Peter snorted.

"Honestly mate, what is it with you and this owl?" Peter asked, bewildered, as Sirius and James sniggered quietly.

"I think he's hinting that he wants an owl for his birthday," James said, and Remus rolled his eyes

"Don't know if that would be wise Prongs, he seems to like the owls a bit too much," Sirius said, winking at Lily, who was shaking with stifled giggles, "If you know what I mean."

"I understand, Padfoot," James sighed, nodding his head, "Good thing we picked up on this. Merlin only knows what the Ministry's animal protection scheme would've said if we'd let Moony have the owl, with his special liking for them."

"We could've gone to Azkaban!" Sirius gasped, and James clapped a hand on his cheek.

"At least then we could've seen if you'd be able to escape," Peter chipped in, and both James and Sirius' expressions turned pondering.

"If you ever go to Azkaban, I promise I won't visit much," Lily said, and the boys gasped..

"Even if we were helping a friend?" James gasped, "I thought you loved me more than that."

"I didn't say never," Lily snorted, "I said not much," she said, and the boys grinned.

"Heart warming," James said, and Lily shrugged, her lips twitching with laughter.

"I try."**  
****"****George handed the hairpin to Ron and, a moment later, Hedwig soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost.****"**

"It all sounded brilliant until he compared her to a ghost," Peter said, and Remus snorted.

"Wormtail is afraid of ghosts," Sirius stage-whispered to Lily, who raised her eyebrows.

"What do you do about the ghosts at Hogwarts?" she asked, and Peter shrugged.

"Hope they don't sense my fear," he said, and James sighed.

"Mate, how many times do we have to tell you? They're not bloody animals. Just humans, who are dead," he said, and Lily snorted.

"No wonder he's frightened, you lot are obviously shite at comforting the poor boy," she said, and the boys squawked in protest as Peter smirked.

"They pushed me into Nearly Headless Nick once," Peter said, and Lily threw dirty looks at the other three, who immediately adopted sombre expressions, "I was twelve."

"Tattle-tale," James grumbled, and Lily shot him a scolding look.

"That's an awful thing to do," she said, looking between the other three, "Did you apologize?"

"Of course we did!" Remus squeaked, "He was crying!"

"You made him cry?" she asked, appalled, and Remus looked down into his lap, "Why would you do that?"

"Sorry," the three boys grumbled, and Lily shook her head, winking at Peter, who smirked at her.

**"****"So - what's the story, Harry?" said Ron impatiently. "What's been happening?"****"**

"Wonder how they'll all react to the Dobby nonsense," Sirius said, and James gasped.

"Maybe they'll know who Dobby's owner is!" he said excitedly, and Remus shrugged.

"Don't get your hopes up," he said, and James quirked a brow, "They don't have much money remember? Wouldn't be able to afford a house elf for house elf gossip," he said, and James grimaced.

"Fair point."

"There's house elf gossip?" Lily asked, and the boys laughed.

"Tons of it," James laughed, "If your friends family has a house elf and they've met, the house elves tend to meet up sometimes, and then they gossip, it's hilarious," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

**"****Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long, shocked silence when he had finished.****"**

"They were shocked," Remus said to Sirius, who stuck his tongue out at him as the others laughed.

"Caught that, thanks," Sirius said, and Remus smirked.

"I was just answering your question from before, mate."

"See the shit I put up with?" Sirius asked Lily, who laughed.

"Sweetheart, I have to put up with the likes of you, I don't see why you get to complain," she said, and Sirius grinned, kissing her on top of the head.

"That's true, we'll always have each other, won't we?" he said happily, and Lily rolled her eyes, shoving at Sirius as the others grinned.

**"****"Very fishy," said Fred finally.**

**"Definitely dodgy" agreed George. "So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?"****"**

"Thank you," Sirius sighed, "Finally someone's asking this question."

"You say that like Harry could've done something differently," Lily said, reaching over to her bedside table, "But Dobby kept punishing himself, remember?" she said, picking up a nail file and starting on her nails.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, looking down at Lily's hand, and James leaned over Sirius to see what was happening, eyebrows flying into his hair.

"Filing my nails," Lily said, and Peter quirked a brow, looking down at his nails.

"Why?" he asked, and Lily shrugged.

"Makes them look nicer," she said, and the boys all looked down at their own nails.

"Mine look fine," Sirius said, shoving his hand under Lily's nose, and she chuckled, looking down at his nails before raising her brows.

"Sirius they're filthy," she said, "When's the last time you cleaned under your nails?"

"Under?" he asked, looking at James, who shrugged, equally as clueless.

"That black part," Lily said, pointing to the line underneath Sirius' nail, "That's all dirt, it's not supposed to be there."

"How do I get it out?" Sirius asked, looking disgustedly down at his nails, and Lily giggled, reaching over to her side table and handing Sirius a sharp object.

"Just scrape it out using this," she said, and Sirius eyed it warily, "Here, like this," she said, placing a tissue on Sirius' knee and grabbing his thumb, scraping the silver object underneath it, wiping the dirt on the tissue.

"That was all under my nail?" Sirius spluttered, and Lily grimaced, nodding, "Give me that," he squawked, grabbing the silver thing and mimicking Lily's movements, causing her to laugh.

"Can I do that next?" James asked in a strained voice, and Lily grinned as she continued to file her nails.

"Me as well," Peter said, Remus nodding along as if to say he needed to use it as well.

"Let me finish!" Sirius squawked, seeming to have a lot of trouble on the next nail.

"Need some help?" Lily asked, and Sirius snorted, shaking his head, causing her to grin.

"Well what exactly are you doing?" James asked, and Lily quirked a brow.

"Curving the sides," showing up her thumb nail, which was now perfectly rounded.

"That's not manly," James said, shaking his head, and Lily laughed.

"I don't understand women," Remus said, shaking his head, "No blokes actually going to notice if your nails are curved or not."

"I second this, I've chucked a lot of birds over useless things, but nails has never and will never be one of them," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head disapprovingly as the others snickered.

**"****"I don't think he could," said Harry. "I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip, he started banging his head against the wall."****"**

"Yes, Harry, we understand, your mother was right, can we not, please?" Sirius grumbled, and Lily laughed.

**"****He saw Fred and George look at each other.**

**"What, you think he was lying to me?" said Harry.****"**

"I feel like they're all so far behind our thought processes," James groaned, putting the book down onto his lap and leaning his head back, "We already had these conversations!"

"But Harry didn't," Lily said gently.

"OW!" Sirius roared, causing them all to jump, "Bloody piece of fucking shit," he said angrily, and Lily laughed, putting her nail file down and gently taking the instrument away from Sirius.

"I'll do it," she said, and Sirius pouted.

"That hurt," he said, and Lily snorted.

"I wouldn't have guessed from your outburst," she said, and he pouted at her as she chuckled.

**"****"Well," said Fred, "put it this way - house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their master's permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?"****"**

"Malfoy," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Why didn't we think of Malfoy? Did we think of Malfoy?" Peter asked, frowning, rubbing at his head, "I can't remember!"

"We've read way too many chapters today," Remus sighed, rubbing at his temples.

"We should probably stick to a two a day plan," Lily said, dropping Sirius' hand and grabbing other one as he watched her handiwork, transfixed.

"But then we won't get through the book as fast as we could," Sirius said, and Lily sighed.

"Honestly, we'll finish it in, what, a week?" she said, "Then what do we do?"

"There's a life outside the reading of the book," James said, and Lily shook her head fondly as the boys chuckled.

"Yes, I'm well aware," she said, "But honestly, why would you want to rush through it? Merlin knows when we'll find the next one."

"She has a point," Remus said, sighing, "We might not even find it until we get back to Hogwarts."

"Or over Christmas again," Lily said, and James sighed.

"What if we find it tomorrow? Or next week?" he said, and Lily shrugged.

"Then we can hurry up with this one can't we?" she said, and James sighed.

"I suppose," he grumbled, and Lily grinned at his petulance as she moved onto the next nail.

**"****"Yes," said Harry and Ron together, instantly.**

**"Draco Malfoy," Harry explained. "He hates me."  
**

**"Draco Malfoy?" said George, turning around. "Not Lucius Malfoy's son?"**

**"Must be, it's not a very common name, is it?" said Harry.****"**

"I should hope not, there are enough Malfoy's in the world as it is," Sirius said bitterly, and Lily whacked the top of his hand with the instrument, before continuing, "That's abuse," Sirius said bluntly, and Lily snorted, smirking, but otherwise ignoring Sirius' statement.

"To be fair, this does sound like the pathetic sense of humour that could only come with being a Malfoy," James said, and Sirius smirked.

"I can't imagine poor Dobby living with the Malfoy's though," Lily said sadly, "He was so abused."

"Which is probably why it seems right to believe he belongs to the Malfoys," Remus grimaced.

"Yeah, only they'd encourage the poor sod to torture himself," Peter said, and Lily closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"I don't want to think about that," she said, shaking her head, "Can we just, I don't know, not hope Dobby belongs to the Malfoys?"

"Okay," James said, shooting Peter, who was about to say something, a warning look.

**"****"I've heard Dad talking about him," said George. "He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who."****"**

"What?" Remus gasped, and Lily smirked.

"I know! You wouldn't think that just by looking at him," James said, shaking his head, his tone lathered in sarcasm.

"Or by talking to him," Peter said, and Sirius clucked his tongue

"He seems like such a nice man, very friendly and charitable," he said, "What has become of the world?"

"Does it freak you out looking at your classmates and realising you might be dueling them to the death in a few years?" Lily asked quietly, and James could tell her thoughts were on Snape. He exchanged a slightly panicked look with Remus, who shrugged, biting at his lip, "I think it's a scary thought. Would you be able to kill someone you'd grown up with?"

"If they were trying to kill me, or the people I loved, then yes," Sirius said simply, and Lily sighed, nodding, as James shoved Sirius, who mouthed 'what?' in return, earning a massive eye roll in return.

"Yeah I suppose you're right," she said, and Sirius snorted

"Suppose," he scoffed, and Lily giggled.

**"****"And when You-Know-Who disappeared," said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, "Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung - Dad reckons he was right in You- Know-Who's inner circle."****"**

"Mr. Weasley sounds like a sound man," Peter said, and the others snorted in agreement.

"Done," Lily said, letting go of Sirius' hands, and Sirius looked down at his nails.

"They look so weird," he said, and Lily snorted.

"Yeah, they're clean," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"Can you do mine next?" Peter asked, and Lily grinned at him.

"What else can you do to nails that aren't super girly?" Sirius asked, and James snorted.

"You can buff them, bring out the nutrients," Lily said, and Sirius smirked.

"Buff them, that sounds manly," he said, and Lily laughed, "How do I do that?"

"You use this," she said, leaning to her table once more and grabbing a nail file with four edges, "Use the sides in order, twenty seconds each," she said, and Sirius frowned.

"Where?"

"On top of your nail," Lily said, tapping the flat part of Sirius' nail, "There."

"There?" Sirius asked, bewildered, "That's ridiculous."

"Just believe me, won't you?" Lily sighed, and Sirius nodded, turning the file over to the side that had a number one on it, and starting, counting to twenty under his breath as Lily grabbed Peter's hand.

"This feels weird," Peter said, as she stuck the instrument under his nail, and Sirius snorted in agreement.

"Don't mean to disturb your manicure session, but can I continue?" James asked, and Lily winked at him, causing him to chuckle and turn back to the book as Sirius continued to count.

**"****Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before, and they didn't surprise him at all. Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look like a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive boy...****"**

"And that's obviously saying something," Remus snorted, as the others laughed.

"You think Dudley could've turned out normal if his parents were?" Peter asked, before grimacing at Lily, "No offence, Lily."

"I think anyone can turn out normal, but it depends on who they are, their parents don't really matter to be honest," Sirius said darkly, filing at his nails, and James grimaced, letting go of the book to clap Sirius on the shoulder.

"Only really strong people can do that," Lily said, smiling at Sirius, who flushed at the compliment, flipping the file over.

"Mate you can't brood while tending to your nails, it just looks wrong," James snorted, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at James as the others laughed.

**"****"I don't know whether the Malfoys own a house-elf..." said Harry.****"**

"They do," Sirius said.

"Thanks," Peter said, and Sirius smirked at him as Lily giggled.

**"****"Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich," said Fred.****"**

"I think Dobby being Malfoy's sounds incredibly plausible," Remus said, and Lily hummed in agreement, still working on Peter's hands.

"I'm confused," James said, "So if Dobby belonged to the Malfoys and they sent him as a prank, why would he need to punish himself?" he said, and Sirius stopped filing to frown.

"Good point," Sirius said, frowning, "I didn't think of it that way. He wouldn't have needed to bang his head against the window, would he?" he asked, and James shook his head.

"Interesting," James said, turning the page with a small frown on his face.

"Maybe the Malfoys wanted to get him into trouble, which is why he was making all that noise?" Peter suggested, and Remus grimaced.

"Sounds like something Draco would find funny," he said.

**"****"Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing," said George.****"**

"That's what children are for," Lily said, and the boys laughed.

"My mum doesn't make me do work," James said, and Remus smirked.

"That's because you have a house elf," he said, and James pulled a face as Lily grinned at Remus.

**"****"But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn't catch one in our house..."****"**

"If it helps, I think that house sounds much more exciting," Remus said, and Lily grinned, letting go of Peter, who looked at his hands with a frown.

"You're right, it's weird," he said to Sirius, who smirked, "Can I have that?" Peter asked, gesturing to the file, and Sirius huffed.

"Let me finish first," he said, and Lily grinned widely to herself, "Finding this funny are you?"

"It's just so out of character to see four boys, especially you four, sitting on a bed, reading a book and doing your nails," she giggled, and James smirked.

"You saying we're very manly boys?" he asked, and Lily shot him an amused look.

**"****Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting around a large manor house.****"**

"Must be a rich kid thing, strutting," Remus mused, sticking his hands out at Lily as a silent request, and she grinned, taking one hand.

"Prongs! You're rich!" Sirius said, and James shot him a dirty look, "No wonder you strut!"

"I don't _strut_," James sneered, and Sirius smirked at him.

"You strut," Sirius said, and Lily laughed

"This sounds like something Severus would say," she laughed, shaking her head, "He's always complaining about you and your strutting," she said, and James scoffed.

"I don't bloody strut," he said and Lily grinned at his irritation.

"Just telling you what he said."

"He's wrong," James said, and the others laughed, "I don't strut!"

"We're messing with you, mate, calm down," Peter sniggered, and James stuck his tongue out at Peter.

"**Sending the family servant to stop Harry from going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?****"**

"I don't think so," Lily said, "I think Dobby sounded too serious for it to have been a joke."

"Yes but, that could've been what Malfoy told him to do," James said, and Lily huffed.

"Nobody's that good of an actor," she said, and Peter shrugged at James, as if telling him there was no point in arguing.

**"****"I'm glad we came to get you, anyway," said Ron. "I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters.****"**

"Now that's friendship," James said, and Lily smiled, "Speaking of, any letters from Alice?" he asked, and Lily frowned at him.

"Why?" she asked, and he shrugged.

"Just remembered you saying you wrote to her a while ago," he said, and Lily smiled at him.

"You're such a good boyfriend," Sirius cooed, pinching James' cheek, and James slapped his hand away, "Oi! Don't do that, I just did these nails," Sirius said, and James snorted, touching one of Sirius' nails, "Do that again and I'll kill you," Sirius said, and James smirked at him.

"Shouldn't you be more sensitive to the killing James jokes?" Peter asked, and Sirius shrugged, throwing his arm around James.

"Not necessary, given it's not happening," Sirius said, and James grinned at him.

"Would you cry?" James asked, and Sirius shoved him as the boys sniggered.

"I think he'd miss Lily more," Remus said, and Sirius shot him a warning look.

"What have I told you about saying these things in front of Prongs?" he hissed, and James snorted, throwing Sirius' arm off him.

"**I thought it was Errol's fault at first-"**

**"Who's Errol?"**

**"Our owl. He's ancient. It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery.****"**

"That's awful!" Lily squeaked, "The poor owl!"

"Happens a lot," Sirius said.

"But if they collapse on delivery, how do they get back? Who tends to them?" she asked, and James sighed.

"Owls are tough," he said, and Lily grimaced.

"No reason to disregard his collapsing on a delivery," she sniffed, and the boys chuckled.

"**So then I tried to borrow Hermes-"**

**"Who?"**

**"The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made prefect," said Fred from the front.****"**

"That's an excellent name for an owl!" Lily said excitedly, her eyes lighting up, "Merlin! That's absolutely brilliant!"

"What's a Hermes?" Sirius asked, and Lily sighed.

"Greek mythology, Hermes is the messenger of the Gods," she said, and James smiled.

"That is a really intelligent name for an owl," James agreed, and Remus snorted.

"Have you inducted him into our club?" he asked Lily as she finally finished his hands, and she quirked a brow at him.

"I'm not a swot," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes in understanding as Remus smirked at James.

"Nor will he ever be, I won't allow it," Sirius said.

"He is the future Head Boy," Lily whistled, and Sirius gaped as the others chuckled.

"Please don't be a swotty Head Boy!" Sirius whined, and James snorted, saluting him as they laughed.

**"****"But Percy wouldn't lend him to me," said Ron. "Said he needed him."****"**

"Probably to write to Dumbledore about requested extra duties," Sirius snorted, and James smirked as Lily shot them disapproving looks.

**"****"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning.****"**

"More so than usual?" James gasped, and Sirius sniggered.

"Can you imagine? A more pompous Percy?" he asked, and James shuddered.

"He didn't say he was more pompous," Peter said, and Lily smiled.

"Yes, thank you Peter, stop jumping to conclusions," she said to James and Sirius, who smirked at her.

"**"And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge...****"**

Sirius and James sniggered at this and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Unless you're Moony," James said, and Remus shot him a nasty look.

"You gave me no choice!" Remus protested, as Peter joined in the sniggers, "They put a frosting charm on it," he said to Lily, who laughed, "it was foggy every few minutes!"

"And you polished it each time?" Lily asked, and Remus shot her a look as she continued to laugh.

"You polish it a lot!" he said, and Lily shook her head.

"I wipe it, not bloody polish it," she snorted, and Remus balked as the others laughed.

""**You're driving too far west, Fred," he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.****"**

"Goodness, they could end up anywhere," Lily said.

"Excellent, isn't it?" Sirius said excitedly, "I cannot wait until this motorcycle starts flying, we could go anywhere!"

"Or you could apparate like a normal person," Lily said disapprovingly, and Sirius shook his head.

"Overrated," he said, before smirking, "This way Prongs doesn't have to feel inadequate either," he said, and James shoved him, hard.

"Trimmed nails!" he grumbled, "How different is that from what you lot are doing now?" he asked, and Peter looked down at the file in his hand Sirius had passed.

"This is different, this is for hygiene purposes," Lily defended, going back to filing her nails now that Remus' nails were clean.

"I'd say trimming your nails was hygienic," James grumbled, and Lily giggled.

**"****"So, does your dad know you've got the car?" said Harry, guessing the answer.****"**

"Obviously not," Lily snorted, "Can you imagine? Parents letting their children do this?"

"Prongs' parents let him get away with everything he does at Hogwarts," Peter said, and James smirked as Lily shot him a disapproving glance.

"That's harmless pranking though, I doubt they'd let him drive an enchanted car in the middle of the night," she said, waving her hand, and James gasped.

"Harmless?" he said, a smile spreading across his face, "I think we've corrupted her," he said to Remus, who smirked.

"So you finally agree charming spoons to follow Evan Rosier around was harmless?" he asked, and Lily glared.

"No, that was cruel, everyone knows he's scared of them," she said, and the boys sniggered madly.

"You say cruel, I say brilliant," Peter said, and Lily shook her head fondly as they all snickered, reminiscing the looks of terror Rosier threw over his shoulder as he ran away from the floating spoons.

**"****"Er, no," said Ron,****"**

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily sighed, smiling.

"He's definitely one of us," Sirius said happily, "We should just inducted him into the Marauders."

"He's not alive yet," Lily said, and Sirius grimaced.

"No fear, we'll induct him at birth," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the other three snickered.

"**"he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without Mum noticing we flew it."****"**

"Never going to work," Remus snorted.

"What? I think that's a great plan," Sirius said, and James nodded.

"As long as they pull it off it would be brilliant," he said, and Lily snorted.

"You're underestimating the instincts mothers have," she said, and James smirked.

"Know much about that one, do you?" he asked, "Something you'd like to tell me?"

"Oh bugger off," she said, and he winked at her, "Mothers just know things," she said, "I mean, don't tell me your mother doesn't magically know things," she said to James, who grimaced.

"She does," he sighed after a few moments, and Sirius groaned.

"But the plan!" he whined, and Remus grinned happily.

**"****"What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway?"**

**"He works in the most boring department," said Ron. "The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."****"**

The five of them burst out laughing at this, James resting the book on his lap so he could lean his head back onto the wall.

"He works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, and owns an flying car!" Sirius laughed, clutching his stomach as he leaned forwards, "That's absolutely brilliant."

"They'd never suspect him," Remus chuckled, shaking his head.

"Maybe we should induct Mr. Weasley," James sniggered, and Sirius barked a laugh.

"Lily can hang out with the Mrs," Peter said, and Lily shot him a sardonic look as the boys laughed.

**"****"The what?"****"**

"Is it not self explanatory?" Remus asked, and Lily kicked at him.

"Leave my baby alone," she said, and Remus snorted.

"Ah, mothers instincts," Sirius said wisely, and Lily rolled her eyes as James smirked.

**"****"It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home, and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare - Dad was working overtime for weeks."  
"What happened?"****"**

"How can a tea set go mental?" Sirius asked, rolling his eyes, "What a boring job."

"Don't say that," Lily scolded, "What if it poured tea all over them?" she asked, and Sirius snorted.

"Boo hoo, poor muggles, getting a bit burnt," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as Peter sniggered along with Sirius.

"Honestly though," James said, "I'm sure other muggle objects that are bewitched can be dangerous-"

"Like motorcycles," Remus said, glaring at Sirius, who winked.

"-but a tea set? Be realistic Lil," he said, and she shrugged.

"Ron said it was a nightmare," she said, and James snorted.

"I'm with Sirius on this, burns are hardly the epitome of danger," he said, and Sirius smirked at Lily, who rolled her eyes in amusement as he preened.

**"****"The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in the hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose. Dad was going frantic - it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office - and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts of stuff to cover it up-"****"**

"Sugar tongs up his nose, come on, that's dangerous," Lily said, turning to James, only to see James, Sirius and Peter shaking with laughter, Remus smirking as he bit his lip, "You're _laughing_?" she yelled, and James shook his head, turning red from holding in his laughter, "What is wrong with you lot? They sound injured! And imagine just how traumatic that would be?" she said, and the boys continued to shake, "Oh go ahead, laugh," she said, and the boys finally let it out, laughing incredibly loudly as Lily muttered under her breath about danger and stupid boys who didn't respect the concept of safety as she filed her hails and waited for them to finish.

**"****"But your dad - this car-"**

**Fred laughed. "Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad."****"**

"I don't blame Harry for being so confused," Sirius said and Lily snorted.

"I don't blame Ron's mother for being so angry at her husband," she said and Sirius sniggered.

"Are you going to keep nagging at me because of this motorcycle?" he asked, and Lily nodded, "Oh good, it would be no fun without your disapproval," he said, and Lily shot him a look as James chuckled.

"I'm sure there'd be plenty of disapproval from people," she said, and Sirius snorted.

"Like who?"

"Me," she said, "Remus," she added, and Sirius shot Remus a look, which Remus responded to with a shrug, "I'm sure James' parents won't be thrilled," she said, and James snorted.

"Mum wouldn't be," he said, "Dad would probably help us build it," he said, and Sirius sniggered.

"I love your dad James," he said, and James smiled, "We could induct him!"

"It would be too weird having a parent," Peter said, and James grimaced in agreement.

"Fine then, I guess we're stuck with _this_ Potter," Sirius said grumpily, and James rolled his eyes.

"Sincerest apologies, good sir," James said.

"Acceptance affirmed," Sirius said, and Remus snorted as the two grinned at each other.

"I don't know how I put up with it sometimes," he said to Lily, who grinned.

**"****"That's the main road," said George, peering down through the windshield. "We'll be there in ten minutes... Just as well, it's getting light..."****"**

"Oh thank Merlin they're getting on the ground," Lily sighed, shaking her head, "Can you imagine if they'd been seen?"

"Would've been wicked, the muggles would have gone insane," Sirius said, and Remus shook his head.

"Be that as it may," he said, and Sirius grinned, "That would be violating the Statute of Secrecy and would get Ron's dad arrested," he said, and Sirius sighed.

"So, not wicked," James said, and Sirius snorted, shoving at James who snickered.

**"****A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east.****"**

"I feel like we need to write a tribute to Harry Potter's poetry," Sirius said, and Lily groaned.

"Not this again," she whined, and Remus smirked at her, "Sirius, it's night-time, it's hardly the time for poetry."

"Nonsense!" he said, clapping his hand over her mouth, "There's always time for poetry!"

"And night time's the most poetic anyway, with the stars and whatnot," James said.

"Too right you are," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes at Remus, who was watching the two in amusement.

"Your nails are very shiny," Peter said, and Sirius looked at his hands, all poetic thought forgotten, and Lily grinned at Peter, who winked.

"Aren't they? It's incredible, they're so smooth too, touch them," he said shoving his hand at James, who quirked a brow at him, "Do it!"

"I thought I was going to get killed if I touched them, is this a test?" he asked and Sirius rolled his eyes. As the two continued to bicker, Remus grabbed the file from the now finished Peter, who was rubbing James' nails and then his own to make sure they were smoother.

"Mate, stop talking about your nails!" James said, "Honestly, let me know when you find your balls again, yeah?"

"It takes a real man to be able to embrace his feminine side," Lily chirped, and James shot her cheeky face a sardonic look as she grinned at him.

"Just because you can't," Sirius said, and James snorted, turning the page as Lily and Sirius hi-fived.

**"****Fred brought the car lower, and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.  
"We're a little way outside the village," said George. "Ottery St. Catchpole."****"**

"That is a brilliant name for a village," Peter said.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"It just sounds like a great place," Peter said, "The name has Otter, catch and pole in it," he said, and Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius and James snickered and Lily eyed Peter bewilderedly.

**"****Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.****"**

"That's beautiful Harry," Sirius said, wiping at his eyes, and Lily snorted, putting her nail file down on the table, having finished rounding her nails.

"Give us a look," Peter said, and Lily laughed, showing her nails to him.

"They're very, um, oval," James said uncertainly, and Lily grinned.

"Thank you," she said, and he looked at Remus, eyebrows raised, and earned a shrug in return.

**"****"Touchdown!" said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard, and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.****"**

"They made it!" Lily said excitedly.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Were you expecting the car to explode?" James asked, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the others laughed.

"I'm just glad they're on solid ground," she said.

"She'll be singing a different tune when she gets on the motorcycle," Sirius said to James, who smirked as Lily scoffed.

"I don't care what you morons do, I'm not getting on that death trap," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"We'll see," he said simply, and Lily shook her head.

"I'm not!"

"Okay," he said again, a devilish smile on his face, and Lily huffed.

**"****It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigpen, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it were held up by magic (which Harry reminded himself, it probably was). Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lopsided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read, THE BURROW. Around the front door lay a jumble of rubber boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard.****"**

"That sounds incredible," Remus said, a large smile on his face.

"A house held up by magic?" Lily asked, eyebrows raised, "Is that safe?"

"Of course it is, it's held up by magic," James said, and Lily squeaked.

"I don't think I'd ever be able to go in there without being permanently frightened the house was going to collapse," she said, and Sirius grinned.

"Up for a visit with the Weasley's in ten years?" he asked, and James smirked at him as Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's a date," James chuckled.

"The Burrow," Peter said, "Interesting name for a house."

"Why does the house have a name?" Lily asked, and James shrugged.

"Some wizards like naming their houses," he said, and Sirius nodded.

"Mine's called The Shithole," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys laughed.

"Does your house have a name?" she asked James, who shook his head.

"My dad says he doesn't feel enough of a connection with the house to name it," he said, rolling his eyes, and Lily laughed.

"I would love to have chickens," Sirius said, and Lily raised her brows, "I would chase them all the time."

"You're such a...dog," Lily said, and Sirius winked at her as the other boys exchanged a secret smile.

**"****"It's not much," said Ron.**

**"It's wonderful ," said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive.****"**

"Anything would be wonderful compared to that hell hole," Sirius said, and Lily laughed.

"Maybe that's what the Dunderheads should name their house," she said, and the boys laughed.

"I'm a bit confused," Peter said, "I mean, we've been saying Dunderhead instead of Dursley, why haven't we nicknamed Petunia and Vernon?" he asked, and James snorted.

"Good point," he said.

"Ah well, too late for that," Sirius shrugged, "I would've come up with some great nicknames too," he said wistfully, his eyes twinkling.

"Good thing we will never have to hear them," Remus said, and Lily laughed at Sirius' affronted expression.

**"****They got out of the car.****"**

"That's dramatic," Remus snorted, and Lily laughed.

"Do you have to interrupt?" James whined, and Remus winked at him.

"Give you something to think about next time we read," he said, and James stuck his middle finger up at Remus as he grinned triumphantly.

**"****"Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly," said Fred, "and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, Mum, look who turned up in the night!'and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car."****"**

"Told you the plan would work out," Sirius said to Lily, who sighed.

"Sorry for doubting the almighty plan," she said, and he nodded curtly, causing her to giggle.

"I doubt Mrs. Weasley's going to fall for that," Remus said, "Harry couldn't have just, turned up."

"Plus Harry wouldn't be able to lie if he had no idea how the wizarding world worked," Lily said, and James shrugged.

"If they changed the topic they'd be fine," he said, and Remus grimaced.

"I'm afraid we might have to accept that they're right," he said to Lily, who pouted as Sirius and James smirked.

"Troublemakers: 1, Maternal instinct: 0," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes as Peter and Sirius snickered.

**"****"Right," said Ron. "Come on, Harry, I sleep at the - at the top-"**

**Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house. The other three wheeled around.****"**

"Troublemakers: 0, Maternal instinct: 1," Lily said, a grin spreading across her face, and James shot her an amused look.

"It was such a brilliant plan!" Sirius whined, and Lily shrugged, grinning at Remus, who looked equally as smug as her.

**"****Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.****"**

"Funny how women do that isn't it?" Sirius asked, and the other boys grimaced, "They just turn into frightening creatures when they're angry."

"Makes you want to curl up and die," Remus agreed, and Lily beamed.

"You're all far too kind," she said, and James rolled his eyes

"Not you, love," he said, and Peter snorted.

"So it wasn't you that cowered when she got properly I'm-going-to-kill-you furious?" he asked, and James flushed as Lily beamed.

"I didn't cower, I stood my ground didn't I?" James said, and Peter smirked.

"Whatever you say James," Lily said in a condescending tone, and James pulled a face at her as she leaned around Sirius to grin at him.

**"Ah, "said Fred.**

**"Oh, dear," said George.****"**

"Spot on reactions," Sirius grimaced, and Remus laughed.

"Sounds like you and Prongs when Mrs. Potter screams your names," he said, and the two paled

"Most frightening thing ever," James said.

"It's one thing when a mother gets angry, but when a highly trained Auror mother gets angry it's even scarier," Sirius said, and James grimaced in agreement as Lily giggled.

"I would love to see her yelling at you two," she said, and Peter shook his head

"It's frightening to witness," he said, and Remus nodded, causing Lily to giggle as the four boys in front of her cowered at their memory of Mrs. Potter yelling.

"Thankfully she only ever yells at these two," Remus said, nodding towards Sirius and James.

"And it's always because of the number of owls they've been receiving," Peter said, and Lily laughed.

"Well then I'm not surprised," she said, and James stuck his tongue out at her.

**"****Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring from one guilty face to the next. She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.****"**

"Do all mothers stand like that when they're furious?" James asked, bewildered, and Peter nodded.

"Mine does," he said, and Remus grimaced.

"Mine too."

"Does yours?" James asked, leaning around Sirius to look at Lily, who grinned.

"My mother doesn't yell at me, I'm the perfect child," she said, and James rolled his eyes in amusement as the others laughed.

"She yells at you plenty and you know it," James snorted, and Lily grinned.

"Only because of Petunia."

"And you picking fights with her," James said.

"How many people do I have to tell it's not my fault-"

"It is so your fault! You love picking fights with her-"

"Only because she's so much fun to pick on-"

"Exactly! It's your own fault!"

"Honestly you two, I'm feeling very squished here," Sirius said, as they leaned around him to bicker.

"Maybe you shouldn't have sat in the middle then," James said, and Remus snorted.

"No, he stays in the middle," he said, and James pouted as Lily flushed and the other three snickered.

"I'm not an object Moony!" Sirius sniffed, and Remus rolled his eyes

"Sit," he said, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus as the others laughed.

**"****"So," she said.**

**"Morning, Mum," said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice.****"**

"Smooth," Peter snorted, as the others sniggered.

**"****"Have you any idea how worried I've been?" said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper.****"**

"Oh no! Not the whisper!" Sirius groaned, covering his face, "That's the scariest of all!"

"You're all such children," Lily giggled, leaning on Sirius and wrapping her arms around his right arm, "It's adorable how scared you are of mummy yelling at you."

"Oi," James said in a warning tone, and Lily laughed.

"Oh please, you're all frightened by the idea of mothers yelling," she giggled.

"They're bloody frightening," Remus grumbled, and Lily giggled.

"Told you she'd notice," she said, and Sirius shoved her, causing her to laugh.

**"****"Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to-"**

**All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.****"**

"Height is irrelevant," James said, and Sirius grimaced.

"Harry just doesn't understand," Sirius said, and Lily smiled sadly

"I guess he doesn't," she said.

"I don't know how this is meant to be comforting, but you'll yell at him plenty, I'm sure," Peter said uncertainly, and Lily burst out laughing as James rolled his eyes, smirking.

"I'm sure she will," James said, "She yells at the rest of us."

"When you're all being idiots," she said, and James gasped.

"That is the rudest thing-"

"Put a sock in it James," Lily said, and he smirked.

"**"Beds empty! No note! Car gone - could have crashed - out of my mind with worry - did you care? - never, as long as I've lived - you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy -"****"**

"Oh here come the comparisons," Remus said and Lily laughed.

"You don't have siblings!" she said, and Remus snorted.

"But I have this lot," he said, "'I bet James doesn't get in this much trouble!'" he mimicked, and James smirked, "'I'm sure Peter's mother doesn't get this many owls!', 'If Sirius was a Prefect he'd behave better than you!'" Remus continued, and the others laughed, "Honestly, the woman is mad."

"And obviously doesn't know what she's talking about," Lily laughed gently, and Remus snorted in agreement.

"I always got compared to Reg," Sirius grumbled, "'Regulus isn't in Gryffindor!', 'Regulus isn't friends with mudbloods!', 'Why can't you be more like Regulus?', 'You should be setting the bar for Regulus, not the other way around!', 'Sirius you are a disgrace to the family name, why can't you be more like Regulus?'," he grumbled, and Lily bit her lip, looking at James, who smiled at her uncertainty.

"Mum never compares me to Sirius, says there is no lesser in the two evils," James said, and Sirius smirked, still mildly brooding.

"She's right, you're both idiots," Lily said simply, and Sirius snorted, looking cheerier than before.

"Please, your poor mother has to deal with you, hats off to her," he said, and Lily shoved him as the other boys laughed.

"At least I don't get compared to bloody Petunia," she said, and James laughed.

"Your parents do this to you?" Remus asked Peter, who snorted.

"Every day," he said, and the others laughed.

**"****"Perfect Percy," muttered Fred.****"**

"Worst possible thing you could say, idiot," Sirius snorted.

"Maybe he has a death wish," James mused, and Sirius smirked.

"**"YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest.****"**

"You know it's bad when they start to get abusive," James grumbled, and Lily grinned as he sent her a pointed look.

"I don't think women realise just how much being prod in the chest hurts," Peter said, and Sirius grimaced, rubbing a spot on his chest absent-mindedly

"Especially with those daggers," James said, nodding at Lily's nails, and Lily shrugged.

"From experience, you usually deserve being prod in the chest," she said, and James stuck his tongue out at her.

"Abusive girlfriends are not attractive," James said, and Lily shrugged.

"Given even the giant arse didn't scare you off, I'm not worried," she said, and James rolled his eyes, smirking, as the others laughed.

"**"You could have died , you could have been seen , you could have lost your father his job—****""**

"How awful would that feel?" Lily asked, closing her eyes, "Costing Mr. Weasley his job. I mean, they've having a hard time as it is."

"Thankfully they didn't," James shrugged, "Stop worrying unnecessarily Lil, you'll go grey."

"Will you not love me anymore if my hair turned grey?" she asked, and James rolled his eyes, smirking.

"You said it yourself, love, if your giant arse hasn't scared me by now, nothing will," he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the other boys snickered.

**"****It seemed to go on for hours.****"**

"It always does," Remus grumbled, and Lily laughed.

"Nice to know Harry's starting to understand cowering from your mother, seems to be a boy thing," she said, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at her.

"**Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.****"**

Lily burst out laughing at this, as the boys snickered.

"That's priceless," she giggled, "Do you lot do that when you're at James'?" she asked Remus and Peter, who grimaced and nodded.

"She never yells at us," Remus said, "But it's bloody frightening after witnessing her shred these two," he said, and Peter nodded.

"Especially since they actually stay silent, not like when McGonagall is yelling at them and they say cheeky things back," he said, and Lily giggled as James and Sirius shot Peter dirty looks.

"I think there's nothing more awkward than standing there while your friends parents are yelling at them," Lily said, shaking her head, "When I went to Dorcas' house, her mother screamed at her while I was just standing there, it was incredibly awkward," she said, and the boys snickered

"Try being the one getting yelled at," James said, and Lily winked at him.

"No thanks, I'm good," she said, and James pulled a face at her as she giggled.

"It's not awkward anymore," Remus said, "We see it enough now. I don't think a visit to the Potters is really complete until Mrs. Potter has screamed at Prongs and Padfoot, and acted like it didn't happen when talking to us," he said, and the two in question pulled faces at him.

**"****"I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear," she said. "Come in and have some breakfast."****"**

"That sounds about right," Remus grinned, as James snorted.

"My mother likes you better," he said, and Remus shrugged.

"I don't blame her, I bloody like Remus better," Lily said, and Remus chuckled, "Why am I even dating you?" she added, and James chortled.

"Please Lily, I think we've established that you can't live without me," he said, and Lily shrieked indignantly as he continued to grin and his friends chuckled.

"Bullshit James Potter, I don't even bloody know why I like you," she said, crossing her arms, and James beamed.

"Heart warming, really, you make me feel so happy," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as he continued to grin at her, "Oh come on Lil, you'll never find someone as accepting of your giant massive arse."

"Two adjectives? Now that's a bit much," she said, and James rolled his eyes, "My arse isn't that big."

"Your arse isn't big at all, you're the one that started this nonsense," James snorted, and Lily pouted.

"Remus he said I have a giant massive arse," she said, "Will you be my boyfriend instead?" she asked, and James snorted, grabbing the pillow she'd thrown at him with one arm and throwing it back at her as she laughed.

"You guys are the most dysfunctional couple ever," Peter said, and the two grinned.

**"****She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervous glance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her.****"**

"I love how frightened he is," Remus laughed.

"We were the first time we witnessed Mrs. Potter screaming at James," Peter said, and Remus grinned.

"Padfoot wasn't bloody scared. He grinned and followed after her happily," James grumbled, and Sirius smirked.

"I forget sometimes that you two didn't actually grow up together in the same house pulling your mad stunts," Lily said, and the two grinned at each other.

"It's weird now, thinking Padfoot and Prongs never lived together as kids," Remus agreed, nodding his head.

"Like two peas in a pod," Lily agreed, grinning at James, who grinned back.

"This is getting too romantic," Peter said, as Sirius leaned over, kissing James massively on the cheek again.

"I swear to Merlin," James muttered, rubbing at his cheek as the others laughed.

**"****The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle, and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around.****"**

"Bless him, hunting for food," Sirius sniffed, and Lily rolled her eyes

"Doubt that's what he's doing," she said, and Sirius smirked at her disgusted tone.

"**He had never been in a wizard house before.****"**

Lily smiled overtly sweetly at Sirius with an 'I-told-you-so' air, who smirked and shoved at her as she giggled.

**"****The clock on the wall opposite him had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like **_**Time to make tea, Time to feed the chickens**_**, and **_**You're late**_**.****"**

"That's an odd watch," Lily said, frowning, "How does it work?"

"Sounds pretty self-explanatory to me," James said, and Lily stuck with a glance, which he naturally ignored and chose to grin cheekily instead.

"But, does it just turn to them whenever it's time?" she asked, and Sirius snorted.

"It's like you've never used a watch before," he said, and she stuck her tongue out at him as Remus, James and Peter snickered.

"**Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like **_**Charm Your Own Cheese, Enchantment in Baking**_**, and **_**One Minute Feasts - It's Magic!**__**"**_

Lily giggled, and James turned to her, eyebrow quirked, "Please don't tell me you found that funny," he said, and Lily shook her head, giggling some more, "Oh Merlin what am I getting myself into?" he asked Peter, who smirked back at him.

"It's Magic!" Lily giggled, and Sirius barked a laugh, throwing his arm around Lily in a brotherly manner.

"Honestly woman," he said fondly, shaking his head with a smile on his face as she attempted to calm herself down.

"Why do girls have massive giggle fits all the time?" Peter asked Remus, who shrugged.

"It's a mark of insanity," he said, and Lily kicked at him as the others laughed.

"**And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was "Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck."****"**

"Don't know who she is, but these singing sorceresses are always shite," Sirius said, and James snorted in agreement.

"Why are they popular then?" Lily challenged, and James smirked.

"Batty women who like mournful music about love," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes at his pointed look.

"Oh please, I don't do love," she said, and the other three Marauders snickered.

"Oh really?" James asked, and she nodded.

"I'm using you for your body," she said, and James 'ah'-ed, smirking to himself as the others laughed.

"I'd say I was doing the same, but that gargantuan arse makes the lie obvious," he said

"Why you little-"

"Down!" Sirius laughed, holding Lily away from a laughing James with one arm as she made to dive over him, "We've got a book to read! Maim him later!"

"Believe me I will," she said, narrowing her eyes playfully at James, who winked back at her.

**"****Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan.****"**

"Women should understand nothing is scary about someone making you food," Sirius said, shaking his head, "I wouldn't even notice the dark looks."

"She shouldn't be cooking haphazardly," James said, shaking his head, "She's going to ruin the bloody sausages!"

"Women!" Sirius gasped, winking at Lily, who shook her head fondly.

"**Every now and then she muttered things like "don't know what you were thinking of," and "never would have believed it."****"**

"I hope mums don't believe that rubbish actually works," Remus snorted, "Emotional blackmail doesn't do much after you've screamed. Why don't you just shut up?"

"Hear hear," Sirius said, and Peter snickered.

**"****"I don't blame you , dear," she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate.****"**

"Eight or nine?" Sirius whined, "Lily-"

"You are not hungry, we just ate," she said, "And there are no house elves for me to summon here, go fry the sausages yourself if you want some," she said, and Sirius regarded her in amusement as the other boys laughed.

"Perhaps there's hope for you after all," he said, and Lily snorted as James grinned at her from around

Sirius.

"**"Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday.****"**

"That's so sweet," Lily said, smiling, and Sirius rolled his eyes, pulling her into a hug as she smiled, wrapping her arms around him as she jabbered on about how sweet Mrs. Weasley was and what a good mother she seemed and hopefully she became Harry's adopted mother.

Sirius wasn't listening, but was looking at James with a very bored expression as his best mate smirked down at the book.

"Do you have to do this all the time?" he asked, and James laughed. Lily had moved on to jabbering at Remus, who simply looked at her in amusement.

"I like doing it," James said, and Sirius chuckled, giving James a soft, knowing smile.

"Mate."

"Yeah," James chuckled, ruffling his hair as Lily pushed herself off Sirius to continue chattering at Remus, who had somehow diverted the conversation to how the Weasley's would be getting Harry out ("I'd just barge in and grab him," Remus said), "I know."

""**But really," (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate)****"**

"Three?" Peter squawked, "How much is she feeding this kid?"

"Good thing too, he's been living on practically nothing the last few days," James said, "Hopefully he'll bulk up."

"Don't get your hopes up mate, you didn't start bulking up until the end of third year," Sirius said, and James shot him a dry look as Sirius beamed at him.

"**"flying an illegal car halfway across the country - anyone could have seen you-"**

**She flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.****"**

"Cannot wait until seventeen," Lily sighed, and the boys laughed.

**"****"It was cloudy, Mum!" said Fred.**

**"You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.****"**

"I never understood that," Sirius said, and Lily snorted.

"It's disgusting when people chew with their mouths open," she said, and Sirius shrugged

"What if you have so much in your mouth that you can't shut it?"

"Take smaller bites," Lily laughed.

"And where's the fun in that?"

"This is useless isn't it?" she asked Remus, who smiled and nodded.

**"They were starving him, Mum!" said George.**

**"And you!" said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.****"**

"She's being so nice," Lily said, and Remus chuckled.

"I think we've all heard your feelings about Mrs Weasley," he said, and Lily flushed as Sirius snorted.

"Something about how she's so nice, such a good mother, hopefully she'll become like Harry's adopted mother," he started listing off, and Lily hid her face in embarrassment as the others laughed

"You've really got to control your chattering," James said fondly, and Lily huffed.

"I only chatter when I'm comfortable with people," she said.

"And we're mighty honoured about that," Peter said, and Lily smiled at him, still red as a tomato.

**"****At that moment there was a diversion in the form of a small, redheaded figure in a long nightdress, who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.****"**

**"Ginny," said Ron in an undertone to Harry. "My sister. She's been talking about you all summer."****"**

"Oh he's got a fan!" Lily giggled, and James rolled his eyes

"A stalker, more like," he muttered, and Lily snorted.

"You're just upset because Harry's fan club formed when he was born, and you had to wait until fourteen," she said, and James smirked at her as the others sniggered.

"**"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry," Fred said with a grin, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word.****"**

The five of them sniggered at this, Lily shaking her head fondly as she did so.

"These reactions are so funny," she giggled, "I never thought boys would be so frightened of their mothers."

"Mums are the most terrifying things in our universe," Remus said.

"Even if you're a massive mummy's boy like Prongs," Sirius said, ruffling James' hair, "They're all powerful."

"These siblings are all so mean to each other," James chuckled, trying to change the topic from him being a mummy's boy, causing them all to laugh, "They're teasing the poor girl about a crush!"

"That's what siblings are for," Lily said, grinning, and James rolled his eyes, "You're not going to disapprove of fight picking on their part?"

"No," he said, winking at Lily, who stuck her tongue out at him.

"**Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time.****"**

"They're four boys, what do you expect?" Lily snorted, and the boys snickered.

"**"Blimey , I'm tired," yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. "I think I'll go to bed and-"**

**"You will not," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me; they're getting completely out of hand again-"****"**

"Well that's massively unfair! They were doing a good deed," Sirius said, and Lily shrugged.

"They did do something really stupid," she said, and James smirked.

"So rescuing Harry was stupid?"

"Absolutely not," she said, "But how they did it was. If my kids vanished in the middle of the night taking a flying car with them I think I'd explode."

"Fair point," Remus grimaced, "But still, a bit harsh to make them de-gnome the garden."

"I think that's ridiculously fun," James sniggered, "We get to do it at Pete's house," he said to Lily, and Peter grinned.

"Only because you two get carried away with it,"Remus snorted, and Sirius and James sniggered.

"Everyone plays that game Moony," Sirius said, and Remus snorted.

"What game?" Lily asked.

"To see who can toss the gnome the highest," Peter said, and Lily frowned.

"Why would you toss them?"

"Have you never do-gnomed a garden?" James asked, and Lily shook her head, causing Sirius to let out a low whistle, "When can we come over?" James asked Peter, who shrugged.

"Whenever," he said, and James nodded.

"Tomorrow," he said, and Lily's eyes widened, "We're going to Pete's house and you're going to de-gnome the garden."

"By myself?" she squeaked, and Sirius snorted.

"And have all the fun? Absolutely not," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

"I don't even know how to de-gnome a garden," she grumbled, and Peter grinned.

"It's easy Lil," he said

"Besides," Remus said, nodding towards the book, "Harry's probably going to fill you in in a second."

**"****"Oh, Mum-"**

**"And you two," she said, glaring at Ron and Fred. "You can go up to bed, dear," she added to Harry. "You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car-"****"**

"This is exactly what happens at my house," James grumbled, "Bloody double standards."

"Except you clean up the mess you've made and we're allowed to go play Quidditch," Remus said, and Sirius stuck his middle finger up at Remus, who smirked. **  
****"****But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, "I'll help Ron. I've never seen a de-gnoming-"**

**"That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work," said Mrs. Weasley.****"**

"Dull?" Sirius squawked, "Delusional woman, it's incredible!"

"For the first few gnomes," Remus said, and James snorted.

"If you play games it's hardly dull," James said, and Remus shook his head as Lily grinned at him.

"**"Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject-"**

**And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece. George groaned.**

**"Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden-"****"**

"Lockhart?" Sirius said, frowning, "Why do I know that name?"

"There's a Lockhart in third year I think," Lily said, "but it couldn't be him, he's a dolt," she said, and the boys laughed.

"What's his name?" Remus asked, "G something"

"Gilderoy I think," Lily said, and James smirked.

"Blond kid?" he asked, and Lily nodded, "Love him, he follows me around, little twit," he said, and the others laughed as Lily shook her head fondly.

**"****Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests.****"**

"Oh Merlin it is him," Lily said, eyebrows raised.

"Feel guilty?" Remus teased, and Lily laughed, shaking her head.

"I would if he wasn't such a dolt. Asked me out at the beginning of the year sometime," she said, rolling her eyes and the boys laughed, James' eyebrow quirking.

"he asked you out?" he asked, and Lily snorted, nodding, "Snotnosed backstabber, I thought he was loyal to me," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as the other three howled with laughter.

"**There was a big photograph on the front of a very good-looking wizard with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes.****"**

"He's not good looking!" James snorted, and Lily sighed.

"I'm afraid he is," she said, smiling, "Everyone fancies him."

"They do not," Sirius said, and Lily laughed, nodding.

"All us older girls think he's dreamy," she said, and James snorted.

"Thanks love," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"I'm dating you aren't I?" she said, and James beamed.

"Don't forget it," he said, and she laughed.

"How can I? You remind me all the time," she teased, and he stuck his tongue out at her.

"You leave me no choice, swooning after bloody thirteen year old snots," he said, and Lily shook her head fondly as the others laughed.

"**As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all. Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.**

**"Oh, he is marvelous," she said. "He knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book..."****"**

"I see what you mean about you older girls," Sirius said, shaking his head in disappointment, "Just when I thought she was alright."

"Oh shut up," Lily said, shoving Sirius as he sniggered, "He's good-looking."

"And women say we objectify them," Peter snorted, and Lily shook her head fondly as the boys sniggered.

"I'm surprised he managed to publish a book, he can't do very much," Lily said, and Remus smirked at her.

"That was rude Lil," he said, and Lily blushed slightly, shrugging as the others snickered.

"He is though! Bloody useless. He's got a vague knack for Charms though," she said, and Remus smirked.

"Your people then," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes.

**"****"Mum fancies him," said Fred, in a very audible whisper.****"**

"Nobody would've guessed," Sirius snickered.

**"****"Don't be so ridiculous, Fred," said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink.****"**

"If that's not telling I don't know what is," Remus laughed.

"Honestly, leave her alone, he's attractive and, apparently, intelligent," Lily said, flushing.

"Do you have a soft spot for Gilderoy Lockhart?" James asked, and Lily flushed.

"No!" she said, sounding thoroughly like a liar, and James rolled his eyes to the heavens, "I don't! I just think he's good-looking!"

"Oh Lily," James sighed, shaking his head condescendingly, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"I can find good-looking whoever I want," she said, and James smirked at her.

"**"All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart, you can go and get on with it, and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in that garden when I come out to inspect it.****""**

"Woe betide you," James snorted, "there's a new one."

"I get a lot of 'Merlin help you'," Remus snorted.

"Mrs. Potter uses that one as well," Sirius said, and Peter grimaced.

"Maybe it's a new one they invented," he said, and Lily laughed

"Because they got bored of the boring one?" she asked, and Peter shrugged, causing her to laugh again.

**"****Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large, and in Harry's eyes, exactly what a garden should be. The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it - there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting - but there were gnarled trees all around the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flower bed, and a big green pond full of frogs.****"**

"That garden sounds incredible," Sirius groaned.

"It's okay," Lily said, sounding a bit strained, and James snickered.

"Lily doesn't like frogs," he sung, and Lily huffed.

"It's not that I don't like them, they don't like me," she said, and James smirked as the others laughed.

"Sure they don't," Remus said, and Lily huffed.

"I think that's a great garden," James said, "Gardens kept too neatly are useless. They're not gardens, they're, erm-"

"Wrong," Sirius said, clapping James on the shoulder.

**"****"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron they crossed the lawn.****"**

"No they bloody don't Harry," James said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Don't be so mean!" she said, and he smirked at her, "They're still called garden gnomes."

"Lily wants to see garden gnomes. Thinks they're cute," Remus said to Peter, who raised his eyebrows at her as if she were crazy

"They're funny," she said, and Peter shook his head sadly, causing the others to laugh.

"They're awful Lily. Violent little buggers," Peter said, rolling up his sleeve, "See that? I got bitten," he said, pointing to a scar, "They're awful little shits."

"That's just one," she said, and the boys snorted.

"That's why the game is so much fun, torturing little shits is a necessity," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly as they all smirked.

**"****"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."****"**

Sirius shot Lily a knowing look, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"They're still called gnomes," she said, and Sirius shook his head pityingly, causing her to whack him in the arm.

**"****There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up.****"This is a gnome," he said grimly.**

**"Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.**

**It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet;****"**

Lily grinned, and James rolled his eyes.

"You honestly can't think that thing is cute," he said, and Lily shrugged.

"It sounds cute! Like a little doll."

"Nobody wants a gnome doll," Sirius said, shaking his head

"I'm not saying they are cute. I've never seen one for Merlin's sakes," she said, and Remus chuckled

"You can reevaluate your decision tomorrow," he said, and Lily nodded.

"Why's it being so rude?" she asked, and Peter snorted.

"They are rude," he said, and Lily frowned.

"But it's kicking at him."

"It'll bite you if you're not careful," Peter said, and Lily bit her lip.

"**he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down.****"**

"No wonder it tries to bite you, that's an awful thing to do," Lily said, and Peter rolled his eyes

"That's what you're supposed to do," he said, and Lily frowned.

"But how is that de-gnoming a garden?"

"You want them to leave, essentially," Remus said, "You have to make them want to leave."

"That's ridiculous," Lily scoffed, "Why can't you ask nicely?"

"Give it a day, she'll understand tomorrow," James chuckled, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

**"****"This is what you have to do," he said. He raised the gnome above his head ("Gerroff me!") and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso.****"**

"Is that okay?" Lily squeaked, "It's not hurting them or anything is it?"

"No, it doesn't hurt them," Peter said, "Just makes them really dizzy."

"We had one throw up once," Sirius sniggered, and James smirked at Lily's appalled expression.

"They're living creatures!" she scolded, and Sirius shrugged.

"We'll see what you say tomorrow," he said, and Lily shook her head disapprovingly.

"What's a lasso?" Remus asked Lily, who let out a shocked laugh at the question.

"It's used to pull things in cowboy movies," she giggled, and the boys quirked brows, "I'll show you," she said, pulling a shoelace out of one of her shoes by the bed. She tied a knot in the appropriate place then swung it around, "Basically like this, and you let go, the loop catches around something, and you pull it towards you," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"Is that where that dance comes from?" he asked, pretending to lasso Remus, who rolled his eyes in amusement as the others laughed.

"**Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "It doesn't hurt them -you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnome holes."**

"Like mother like son," Sirius snickered, and Lily shook her head, smiling slightly.

"Must be a Potter boy thing, being massive mummy's boys," Remus said, and James stuck his middle finger up at Remus as Lily laughed.

"I hope so, at least this way he's less Marauder and more normal," she said, and James smirked.

"And you're the epitome of normal, swot?" he asked, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Rather a swot than a philanderer," she said, and the boys burst out laughing.

"Philanderer?" James asked, grinning widely at her as she flushed, "You're incredible," he said, and Lily flushed harder as he turned the page, still chuckling to himself.

**"****He let go of the gnome's ankles: It flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.****"**

"You're telling me that doesn't hurt it?" she asked, looking at the boys, who shrugged and nodded, "That's ridiculous."

"Tell me about it," Sirius said, "Twenty feet? Come on Ron!"

"What?" Lily asked, bewildered.

"The highest I've done is near two hundred!" Sirius squawked, and James snorted.

"More like seventy, mate," he said, rolling his eyes, and Lily giggled as Sirius threw him a scathing look

"Well it'll look like bloody two hundred next to Ron's twenty," he huffed, "Ridiculous."

"I'm guessing this is the game," Lily said, turning to Remus, who grinned and nodded.

"Wormtail's the champion," he said, and Peter grinned wryly.

"Only because he bloody lives there," James grumbled, and Lily laughed at her sore loser of a boyfriend.

**"****"Pitiful," said Fred. "I bet I can get mine beyond that stump."****"**

"Yes, thank you Fred, it was pitiful," Sirius said, shaking his head as if Ron's throw had been a personal insult to him.

"So you fling them in the air and want them to land somewhere far away?" Lily said, and James chuckled.

"I love teaching you new things," he said, "You ask so many questions," he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him as the others snickered.

**"****Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes.****"**

"As will you, my dear," Remus said to Lily, who looked shocked at her sons audacity.

"But they're living things! How can you be so cruel?" she asked, and James chuckled.

"Lily, you'll figure it out in time," Peter said, "they're horrible little things."

"They can't be that bad," she said, and Sirius shot her a pitying look, "Stop looking at me like that!" she laughed, covering her face, and Sirius smirked at James, who only shook his head amusedly and turned back to the book.

"**He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge,****"**

"Weak," James snorted, and Lily sighed.

"But I don't understand, why can't you just do that?"

"Because they don't get dizzy and they realize you're soft," Peter said, and Lily sighed.

"Well couldn't a nice relationship work better?" she asked, and the boys laughed.

"**but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger****"**

James shot Lily a 'see?' look, and she huffed, crossing her arms, her hands curled in fists.

"It could've been a bad gnome?" she suggested weakly, and the boys chuckled.

"Lily, I know you always want to believe the best in things, but it's just not the case with gnomes," Sirius said, and Lily sighed.

"It's just bitten your son and you're sitting here defending it?" Remus asked, and Lily's eyes widened as the boys smirked.

"Oh Merlin! It did bite him didn't it?" she asked, shaking her head irritably.

"With it's razor sharp teeth," Peter said, nodding.

"Nonsense their teeth can't be that sharp," she said, and Peter lifted his sleeve once more, showing her his scar, and she narrowed her eyes.

"There we go, keep that attitude towards gnomes, good girl," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.

"**and he had a hard job shaking it off - until—**

**"Wow, Harry - that must've been fifty feet..."****"**

James smirked, smugly turning to Sirius, "And Ron did twenty," he said, and Sirius glared at him as he continued to preen.

"Beginners luck," Sirius sniffed, and James smirked.

**"****The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.****"**

"Always a beautiful sight," Sirius said happily.

"I imagine you lot enjoy de-gnoming much more than normal people," Lily said, and Peter nodded miserably, as he eyed James and Sirius, causing Lily to giggle.

"They make me leave out treats so the gnomes arrive before they get there," he said, and Lily laughed.

"Your mother must hate that," she said, and Peter grimaced.

"She caught me one year," he said, shaking his head at the memory.

"When we got there, Pete was tending to the entire garden," Sirius sniggered, "Grass cutting and everything."

"With scissors," James added, and Lily giggled, shooting Peter an apologetic look as he snorted, fighting a smile.

**"****"See, they're not too bright," said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once.****"**

"Five or six?" Lily squawked, and James sniggered.

"That's when it gets intense," he said, and Remus rolled his eyes

"When he grabs five gnomes, run for your life," he said, and Lily frowned, eyeing James dubiously as he grinned to himself.

"Why?"

"That's when gnome wars begin," Remus sighed, and Lily quirked a brow.

"What the hell is a gnome war?"

"What it sounds like," he said, rolling his eyes, "Throwing gnomes at one another."

"What lunatic would invent that?" she asked, bewildered, before rolling her eyes, "Oh of course," she said, turning to shoot James an accusatory look, to which he responded with a wink.

"**"The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put.****""**

"You can't pity such stupid creatures, Lily, it's unbecoming of a woman," Sirius said, and Lily snorted as the others laughed.

**"****Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.****"**

"They seem so upset," Lily said, and James snorted.

"Please don't pity the gnomes," he said, and Lily sighed.

"But they've just been kicked out of their home!"

"No, they've been kicked out of Ronald's garden," he said, and Lily sighed.

"But they live there too!"

"No," James chuckled, shaking his head, "If you're too soft on gnomes they come back."

"But-"

"No Lily," James laughed, "Gnomes are bad!"

"Maybe Lily should wear dragon hide gloves tomorrow," Sirius said, and Lily scoffed.

"I've got some in the shed," Peter said, and Lily shot him a nasty look as he grinned at her, "Sorry Lily! If you're going to be soft, you'll need the gloves. Remus wore them his first time," he said, and Remus glowered at him.

"I thought we were never going to speak of that," Remus grumbled, and the other three beamed at him.

**"****"They'll be back," said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the field. "They love it here... Dad's too soft with them; he thinks they're funny..."****"**

The four boys looked at Lily, who grinned shyly, "Okay fine, I won't be too soft with them," she said, and James chuckled.

"She says," he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"I can't help it if I'm compassionate person," she said, and James grinned.

"That's never a bad thing, love," Sirius said, throwing his arm around her, "But it is when you act like Mr. Weasley with gnomes," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement as the others laughed.

**"****Just then, the front door slammed.****"**

"Oh! Slamming doors, frightening," Sirius said, and Lily looked at him as if he'd gone insane as Peter and Remus started sniggering.

"Got your heart in a flutter?" James asked, and Sirius nodded, placing his hand delicately on his chest and brushing his hair out of his eyes in a feminine manner, causing Lily to break down in giggles at the look of amusement on James' face.

**"****"He's back!" said George. "Dad's home!"****"**

"Didn't you love that feeling as a kid?" Lily asked, a smile on her face, "When your dad got home from work and you'd throw down all your toys and run to give him a hug?"

"I used to do it when both my parents got home," James said, smiling, "Obviously they were both always working, but when they got home I'd run to find them with the house elves chasing after me to make sure I didn't fall or anything," he said, grinning, and Lily smiled at him.

"Why did you have to run around to find them?" Remus asked, and James chuckled

"Dad always apparated to different places in the house and wait until I found him," James said, and Lily laughed.

"That's so cute," she giggled, and James flushed, ruffling his hair under her adoring gaze, "I can imagine little James running around looking for his parents," she giggled.

"When dad got home," Sirius said, and the others looked at him in alarm, not used to him talking about his family without a spiteful tone, "Reg and I used to slide down the banisters and he'd stand at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for us, and grab one of us in each arm," he said, a small smile on his face, and Lily grinned, placing a gentle hand on his arm, "weird to think they loved me once," he said, and Lily looked to James.

"Well, you've got us now," James said, throwing his arm around Sirius, who chuckled quietly.

"Stuck with us, I'd say," Remus said, and Sirius barked out a laugh.

"Can you imagine? The Marauders without Padfoot?" Peter asked, and Lily grinned as Sirius laughed, a twinkle returning to his eyes.

"I can't imagine James without Sirius," Remus said, and Lily laughed.

"Oh Merlin, it just wouldn't be right," she said, and James placed a massive kiss on Sirius' cheek, causing him to splutter and wipe at it as the others laughed.

"Payback, mutt," James said, shoving Sirius, who rolled his eyes and shoved him back.

**"****They hurried through the garden and back into the house.**

**Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes, which were dusty and travel-worn.****"**

"Oh Merlin," Lily laughed, turning to Remus, "Can you imagine? Arthur Weasley, bald?" she laughed, and Remus snorted in amusement.

"How do you know Arthur Weasley?" James asked, and Remus chuckled.

"He was Head Boy, can't remember if it was First or Second Year though," he said, and Sirius' eyes widened.

"The skinny red-headed bloke?" he asked, and Lily grinned, nodding, "No way!"

"I always liked Arthur," Lily grinned, "He showed me to Charms when I got lost in First Year."

"So he's the one to blame for introducing the notorious Lily Evans to Charms," Remus said, and Lily laughed, nodding.

**"****"What a night," he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. "Nine raids. Nine!****""**

"Nine?" Lily gasped, "Merlin!"

"Does that mean he inspected nine places in one night?" James asked, eyebrows high, "Merlin, they're not paying him near enough! That's ridiculous."

"He was up all night? Bloody hell," Sirius grumbled.

"You've been up all night before," Peter snorted, and Sirius wagged his brows dirtily.

"Doing more...entertaining things," he said, and Lily groaned, hiding her blush as Sirius continued to grin wickedly and James snickered.

"**And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned..."****"**

"I absolutely love Dung," Sirius said happily, and Lily frowned.

"Who's he?" she asked, and Remus chuckled.

"He's the notorious con man of the magical world," he said, and Lily grinned.

"Of course you'd love him then," she said, and Sirius winked, "How do you know him?"

"He sometimes does work for the Aurors to get out of trouble," James said, shaking his head in amusement, "My parents hate him."

"I'll bet, he's a con man," Lily laughed, and James shruggged.

"Incredibly entertaining to be around though," James said, and Lily shook her head, smiling.

**"****Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.****"**

"I feel like that shouldn't be allowed. Gulping tea," Sirius said, shaking his head, "You'll burn your bloody throat!"

"Unless the tea has cooled down slightly," Remus snorted.

"But he's only just walked in, how's the tea supposed to be cool?" Sirius challenged, and Peter smirked.

"Maybe the burn makes him feel alive," Peter said, and the others burst out laughing, "He likes to live life on the edge."

"That must be it," James chuckled, turning back to the book.

**"****"Find anything, Dad?" said Fred eagerly.****"**

"It must be so cool knowing about this kind of stuff from your dad," Lily said, "I'd love it if dad came home and told me about all the awful things people were doing."

"Why would you love that?" Peter asked, bewildered.

"It's more interesting to listen to than bloody numbers," she said, rolling her eyes, and James quirked a brow.

"What does your dad do?"

"He's an accountant," she said, "Counts money and manages finances and stuff," she said, and Remus smirked.

"Well he and Prongs could get along. Prongs is a whiz with numbers," he said, and Lily smiled.

"I know," she said, and James flushed, suddenly feeling very hot.

"I'm not that good," James mumbled, ruffling his hair and avoiding eye contact with the other four, and Sirius snorted.

"You help Professor Vector with her projects sometimes," he said, and James ruffled his hair once more.

**"****"All I got were a few shrinking door keys and a biting kettle," yawned Mr. Weasley."**

"Can you imagine how traumatic that would be?" Peter sniggered, "You're making a pot of tea and your kettle attacks you."

"The poor muggles would never see it coming," Remus said, shaking his head in amusement as the other boys snickered at the idea of muggles running away from kettles.

""**There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness...""**

"Poor Arthur," Lily said, shaking her head sadly, "That sounds so stressful."

"It wasn't his department," Remus said, and Lily sighed.

"Thank Merlin. Nine bloody raids sounds like a lot for one night," she said, and Remus grimaced.

"What do you suppose extremely odd ferrets are?" Sirius asked, "I mean, what constitutes an odd ferret?"

"I don't bloody know," Remus snorted, as Lily giggled at Sirius' ridiculous question.

"It's something to think about don't you think? I mean, how do we actually know what a normal ferret is?" he asked.

"We don't," Peter said, and Sirius sighed.

"Well that's what I'm saying, how can they judge the ferrets?"

"Incredibly rude of them," James said, and Sirius shoved his snickering best mate.

"You really do have the weirdest thoughts sometimes, Sirius," Lily said, grinning, and he scratched his nose in embarrassment, grumbling about not being understood.

**""Why would anyone bother making door keys shrink?" said George.**

**"Just Muggle-baiting," sighed Mr. Weasley. "Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they can never find it when they need it... Of course, it's very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking - they'll insist they just keep losing it."**

The four boys started sniggering at this.

"That's brilliant, what an incredible prank," James snickered.

"We should try that someday," Sirius said.

"It's illegal," Lily scolded, and Sirius shrugged.

"So is tampering with the future, yet here we are," he said, and Lily flushed as the boys sniggered at her.

"What's life without a little risk, Lily?" Peter asked, and Lily snorted.

"I worry about you lot sometimes," she said, shaking her head as they continued to snicker about muggles panicking over shrinking keys, "You're going to get arrested."

"At least I know you'll visit Azkaban occasionally," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes, fighting a smile, as the others laughed.

"**Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face... But the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe-""**

"Muggles do seem to do their best to ignore magic don't they?" Remus mused, "I mean, it's everywhere."

"Yes, but they don't believe magic exists, it's only natural to expect them to not guess it," Lily said, "Plus we've grown up believing magic doesn't exist."

"It existed in that children's movie," Sirius said, "The one with the pumpkin and the mice."

"Yes, but that doesn't make you think it's true does it? Since it's in a cartoon and all," Lily said, and James rubbed his nose thoughtfully.

"She has a point," he said, and Lily shot him a sardonic look, which he responded to with a wink.

**""LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?""**

"I was wondering when she would start on him," Peter said, and James smirked.

"Must be a redhead thing, to yell before even greeting a person," James said, and Lily pulled a face at him as he grinned at her.

"Us redheads are a very rational bunch. If you're alive, it's okay to yell at you," she said, fingering her hair, and the boys laughed.

**"Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword."**

"That sounds potentially dangerous," Sirius snickered.

"I'd run if I were him," Remus agreed, and Lily rolled her eyes as they snickered.

"Honestly, she's angry," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"No matter what, love, if you murder Prongs you're still going to be arrested," he said, "The authorities don't care if you were angry."

"Crimes of passion, they count," Lily said, and James rolled his eyes as his friends snickered.

"You better be careful mate, she could be a Ministry Lobbyer if she wanted, and they can wiggle their ways out of anything," Peter said, and Lily smirked at James, who rolled his eyes

"We'll have an emergency detector in your house," Sirius said, and Lily shoved him playfully as James pretended to look relieved, eyes twinkling as he laid them on Lily.

"**Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.**

**"C-cars, Molly, dear?""**

"I have to say," Remus grimaced, "As a gender, we're not very bright when it comes to defending ourselves against the wrath of women."

"You can say that again," Lily said cheerfully, and James smirked at her as she grinned cheekily at him.

"I do just fine," James said, and his friends all scoffed.

"Don't make me laugh Prongs, I witnessed years of incidents which prove otherwise," Peter said, and James muttered under his breath as Lily laughed.

"I told you I'd get all your friends on my side," she said, and James stuck his tongue out at her as Sirius gasped.

"You've been using us!"

"Tell someone who cares," she teased, and Sirius pouted.

"I feel so violated," he said to James, who smirked.

"Join the club, she's only with me for my body apparently," he said, and Sirius clucked his tongue.

"What has become of women today? Overly angry, controlling," he said, shaking his head in mock disappointment

"Really makes you wonder about the future of our species," James conceded, and Lily snorted at the two smirking loons.

"As does the idiocy of men," Lily shot back, and Remus smirked.

"Take that back!" Sirius gasped, and Remus sighed.

"Sorry mate, even I'm going to have to side with her on that one. We're not a very bright gender when it comes to women," he said, and Sirius grimaced in defeat.

"We'll get them next time," James said to Sirius, and Sirius beamed at him.

"So glad we have a full courtroom now," Sirius said, and Peter smirked.

"Looks like I'm judge then," he said, and the other three boys yelled in protest as Lily rolled her eyes in amusement.

**""Yes, Arthur, cars," said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. "Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly.""**

"Why does it sound like she didn't know the car could fly?" Peter asked.

"It's a play mate, women do them all the time to fool us poor sods," James said, and Lily shook her head fondly.

**"Mr. Weasley blinked."**

"I'd love to see him get out of this one," Remus snickered, and Lily laughed

"He's not getting out of this without a fight," she said, "Never underestimate the anger of a woman."

"So that's motherly instincts and women's anger we have to watch out for?" Sirius asked James, who smirked at him, nodding.

"Such an exhausting gender, they shouldn't come with all these rules," Peter said, and Lily rolled her eyes as the boys snickered.

"They should come with handbooks," Sirius said, and Lily snorted.

"We're not _objects_, you prat," she said, and Sirius grinned.

"You're right," Sirius said in a very grave tone, "Nobody reads handbooks anyway," he said, and Lily whacked him in the arm as the others snorted with laughter.

**""Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if - er - he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth..."**

"So she didn't know," Peter said, and Lily snorted.

"Go on, come up with something intelligent," Lily said to James, who smirked.

"I thought the play theory was very intelligent thanks," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"I promise to never lie to you about the full potential of the motorcycle," Sirius said, and Lily shook her head fondly as James smirked and Peter snickered.

"It's apparently within the law mate, you don't need to tell her," James said, and Remus snorted.

""**There's a loophole in the law, you'll find... As long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't-""**

"Sorry mate, yours is going to be against the law," James said, and Sirius smirked.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, "If it was within the law it would take all the fun out of it," he said, and Lily shook her head disapprovingly as the boys snickered, Remus smacking his palm to his forehead.

"We're going to need to invest in permanent visitors passes for Azkaban," he said to Lily, who sighed.

"And they had such bright futures," she said, and Remus smirked.

**""Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Just so you could carry on tinkering with all that Muggle rubbish in your shed!"**

The five of them laughed at this, Lily attempting to look stern but failing miserably as she shook with giggles.

"That man is brilliant," Sirius declared, and James laughed in agreement, "Not only does he tamper with muggle artefacts while in a position nobody would expect, but he also writes the laws and jumps through the loopholes!"

"And people wonder why men die younger," Lily muttered, and Remus shot her a grin.

"**And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!"**

**"Harry?" said Mr. Weasley blankly. "Harry who?""**

"He hasn't noticed Harry yet?" Peter asked, eyebrows raised.

"Well obviously not, mate," Sirius snorted, nodding towards the book, and Peter flushed.

"In his defence, he's exhausted after the nine raids," Lily said, and Remus snickered.

"Got some harboured feelings for Arthur Weasley you want to share with us?" Remus asked, and James smirked at Lily from around Sirius.

"No," Lily scoffed, "Us redheads simply have to stick together, we're a dying breed," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Molly and Arthur are surely helping the world by creating more redheads," Sirius deadpanned, "The world needs more redheads."

"Oh shut up," Lily said, whacking at Sirius' arm as he sniggered.

**"He looked around, saw Harry, and jumped.**

**"Good lord, is it Harry Potter?"**

"It must be so weird having your son be best friends with a celebrity," Remus mused, and James snorted.

"Especially the one who took down Voldemort," he said, and Lily laughed.

"It must be so weird for Harry to have his best mates parents react that way though," she giggled, "I know if I met Alice's parents and they went 'Good lord' after hearing who I was, I'd get rather nervous," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Mrs. Potter said that when she met me," Sirius said proudly

"Followed by 'so you're his partner in crime'," Remus snorted, and Sirius puffed his chest out proudly as Lily and Peter laughed.

"**Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about-"**

**"Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What have you got to say about that, eh?""**

"How rude of her, interrupting him while he was greeting Harry," Sirius said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"Just because you're on Arthur's side," she said, and he winked at her.

"With me being on his side and you being on Molly's side, we're almost married," Sirius said and Lily snorted as James snickered.

**""Did you really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Did it go all right? I - I mean," he faltered as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, "that - that was very wrong, boys - very wrong indeed...""**

The five of them burst out laughing at this.

"Honestly," Lily laughed, shaking her head.

"That's what Prongs is going to be like telling Harry off for pranking at Hogwarts," Remus said, and Lily grimaced as James grinned.

"I'll just have to get to the boy first," she said, and the boys laughed, "You men are useless."

"Except for our bodies, of course," James said, and Lily grinned at him.

"Nice to see you're finally catching on," she said, and he snorted.

**""Let's leave them to it," Ron muttered to Harry as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. "Come on, I'll show you my bedroom.""**

"You women do seem to swell before you yell," Peter said, and James smirked.

"It's like when a volcano blows up," he said, and Lily snorted.

"You lot really do a shoddy job promoting this whole 'love' business," she said, and the boys laughed.

"Love?" James asked, "What even is love?"

"I thought it was when humans used each other for their bodies," Lily shot back, and James smirked at her as the others sniggered.

"Does that mean you love me Lil?" James asked, and Lily balked as the others howled with laughter.

**"They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passageway to an uneven staircase, which wound its way, zigzagging up through the house."**

"That's so bizarre," Lily laughed, "zigzagging staircases."

"Says the girl who lives in a castle with moving staircases," Remus said, and Lily flushed as the boys laughed.

"**On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught sight of a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap."**

"Stalker," Sirius hissed, and Lily laughed.

"Leave her alone, I think it's cute," she said.

"That she's stalking Harry?" Remus asked, and Lily scoffed.

"_No_, that she's got a crush," she said, and James snorted.

"He's too young for this nonsense, it'll go to his head," he said, and Lily laughed

"Says the boy whose head I had to deflate religiously until the end of fifth year," she snorted, and James stuck his tongue out at her as the others laughed.

**""Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally-""**

"I'll never understand why girls go quiet when they like a boy," Sirius said, shaking his head, "I mean, wouldn't you want to talk to him?"

"They get nervous," Lily shrugged, and Sirius snorted.

"How can you expect a bloke like you back if you never talk to him?"

"Well I'm not saying it's the way to go," Lily said, "I'm just saying that's why they go quiet."

"Not all of them," Peter said, "Some just don't shut up. It's ridiculous."

"That's also nerves," Lily said, laughing at Peter's disgusted expression.

"I think this handbook needs to be written," James said, turning the page, and Lily rolled her eyes amusedly.

**"They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying RONALD'S ROOM."**

"Wonder what a twelve-year-old boys room looks like," Lily giggled, and the boys exchanged looks.

"Like any other room," Peter said, and Lily rolled her eyes

"I meant decoration wise. He's too young to have scantily clad women on his walls," she said, and Sirius smirked.

"When I left home, I put permanent sticking charm on scantily clad muggle posters all over my walls," he said and Lily let out a shocked laugh as the others snickered.

"I never tire of hearing that story," James said, smirking, "Never been so proud of you mate."

"Your parents must have gone ballistic," Lily giggled, and Sirius shrugged, smirking.

"Reg wrote me a week after I left saying they couldn't get them off the walls," he said, and the others laughed.

**"Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: Nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange: the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks, and waving energetically."**

"The Canons?" Sirius spluttered, "Why does he like the bloody Canons?"

"Because they match his hair," Remus said, and Sirius smirked as Lily scoffed, crossing her arms.

"It's auburn, not bloody orange," she grumbled, and the boys snickered.

**""Your Quidditch team?" said Harry."**

"What gave it away?" James snorted.

**""The Chudley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant black C's and a speeding cannonball. "Ninth in the league.""**

"Ninth?" Sirius snorted, "Bloody hell, what's become of the world?"

"Why would you support someone who's in ninth?" James snorted.

"Says the boy who changes the Quidditch posters on his wall depending on whose winning the league," Peter said, and James pulled a face at him as Lily snorted.

"Not exactly a loyal fan then are you?" she teased, and James stuck his tongue out at her as Sirius sniggered.

**"Ron's school spellbooks were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics that all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle."**

"The Mad Muggle?" Lily snorted, "That's supposed to be a good comic?"

"Yeah! They're bloody excellent, the Mad Muggle comics," James said, "We didn't have Martin Miggs or whatever his name is, he must be the next generation. We've got Melvin Morr," he said, and Lily grinned at him.

"What's the point of a comic about muggles though?" she asked, exasperated, and Remus scoffed.

"They're hilarious! Melvin does all sorts of mad things, ignoring magic around him like a normal muggle and coming up with extravagant explanations," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

"It's so odd, because we had stories about magicians and such," she giggled, and Sirius grinned.

"And somehow we ended up in the same world," he said and Lily grinned.

"Funny how completely different upbringings don't matter when it comes to friendships, don't you think?" Peter said, and they all grinned.

"It is weird," Sirius agreed, throwing his arm around Lily.

"**Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frog spawn on the windowsill, next to his fat gray rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun."**

"What a mess," Lily grimaced, and the boys laughed.

"You're the one who was curious about the inside of a twelve year olds room, there you have it," Remus said, and Lily chuckled.

**"Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking one by one back through the Weasleys'hedge."**

"Bloody pests," Peter muttered, and James smirked.

"See? This is what happens when you're soft with them," he said, and Lily rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.

"**Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.**

**"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning...""**

"I feel bad for Ron," Remus grimaced, "It must be awful having a rich friend come to stay."

"Harry's not like that," Lily said, and Remus smiled at her.

"Oh I know," he said, "But it would still be awkward, given Harry's moving from a much larger room he had at the Dunderheads."

"Yes, but that was a prison to him," James said, "This probably feels incredible, being in such a friendly house," he said, and Sirius snorted.

"Fatherhood has turned you soft," he said, and James shoved him as the others laughed.

**"But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in."**

**Ron's ears went pink."**

"Oh Harry," Lily said, grinning, and James rolled his eyes, smirking.

"Honestly, you and your love for Harry making people feel good," he said, and Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Poor Ronald with those bloody redhead genes," Sirius sighed, "He won't be able to be suave around girls if his ears are always turning bloody pink."

"Lily manages to be suave around blokes and she's always as red as a tomato," Remus said, and Lily snorted.

"Yes, but blushing is attractive on a girl."

"It's attractive on boys too!" Lily said, "I think it's adorable when boys blush."

"Yes love, but adorable isn't what most blokes are going for," Sirius snorted.

"LILY!" a voice yelled, causing them all to jump, "PETUNIA'S HERE!"

"Thank Merlin, I've never felt like a bigger third wheel," Sirius groaned, and the others laughed.

"Good timing, the chapters over as well," James said, shutting the book and looking over at Lily,"Want to keep it for the night?" he asked, and Lily shrugged.

"Sure thing, where are we meeting tomorrow?" she asked.

"Why don't we meet at the Potter mansion tomorrow?" Sirius suggested, stretching his arms over his head, "I can get a little extra shut-eye."

"How very selfless of you," Remus deadpanned, and Sirius threw him a wink.

"I'm fine with that," Lily said, smiling, "We can go to Peter's after lunch then," she said, and Peter nodded as all eyes turned to him.

"No problem, I'll lay the gnome treats out before going to Prongs' then," he said, and they all grinned.

"LILY!" Jane called again, and Lily sighed.

"Come on, before Queen Petunia decides I'm awful again," she said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed as the boys chuckled, following after her. When they got to the foot of the stairs, they saw Petunia and Vernon standing in the entryway chatting with Jane. Andrew was nowhere to be seen.

"Bloody hell," James heard Peter whisper, "How'd he fit through the doorway?" James bit back his snickers as he saw Sirius smirk, having heard Peter as well.

"The mustache must've been helping him," Remus whispered back, and the four boys bit the insides of their cheeks to stop laughing as Lily shot them warning looks over her shoulder as she descended the stairs in front of them.

"Hi Vernon!" Lily said, "You remember my friends," she said, and Vernon's jaw tightened as he took in James, Sirius and Remus, who stood to their full heights as they stopped next to him, "And this is Peter," she said, and Peter reached out, shaking Vernon's hand.

"It's lovely to see you again," Sirius said, and Vernon grumbled, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name…" Sirius said, and Lily turned as Andrew coughed back a laugh as he entered the room.

"Vernon," Petunia snapped and Sirius grinned charmingly at her.

"Of course," he said, eyes twinkling mischievously, "my memory's been refreshed."

"I've just come to pick up a few things," Petunia said tersely, "I'm staying at Vernon's if that's okay," she said to Jane, who nodded. Petunia, after promising Vernon she'd only be a second, pushed past the Marauders and scampered up the stairs to her bedroom. Andrew didn't respond to the request as he glared at Vernon, who had the decency to look down at the floor.

When Petunia came back down to the awkward silence awaiting her at the bottom of the stairs, James grinned at Vernon.

"Well it was lovely to see you again," he said, leaning too close to Vernon as he crushed the mans hand, causing Vernon to lean away slightly and Lily to pinch Sirius' arm as she tried not to laugh. Vernon grabbed Petunia's hand and after a terse goodbye, the two left the house.

"What did you have to go and do that for?" Sirius squawked, wrenching his arm out of Lily's reach and massaging the part she'd pinched, "That _hurt _woman."

"I couldn't help it!" she squeaked, throwing James a nasty look, "Blame him, I was about to burst out laughing, why'd you have to go and lean in so close to him anyway?" she asked, and James smirked.

"For Harry, obviously," he said, and Lily shook her head in amusement.

"Who's Harry?" Jane asked, and the five jumped, having forgotten Lily's parents were witnessing the entire conversation.

"James and Lily's future child," Sirius said, and Jane quirked a brow at her daughter, looking far sterner than any of the boys had ever sen her.

"Something you'd like to tell me, Lily?" she asked, and Lily shook her head quickly as James hid a smirk and the other three silently snickered.

"It better not be anything," Andrew said irritably, and Lily saluted him.

"We'd better get going," Remus said after a moment's silence, "It's getting late and all," he said, "Thank you so much for having us," he said, stepping around Sirius to shake the Evans' hands, followed by the rest of the boys.

"Come again soon," Jane said, smiling, "It's been lovely seeing you all again, and great meeting you as well Peter," she said, and Peter smiled at her.

"See you tomorrow Lil," James said, kissing her on the cheek, and she smiled, wishing them all goodbye as they walked out the front door.

* * *

She was dancing on top of the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall, trying to get Dumbledores attention to tell him not to send Harry to Petunia because Dudley might sit on him. James was sitting down, playing the drums with his hands as she continued to attempt her dance on the table. Sirius was sitting on McGonagall at the Head Table and Remus was sitting in a corner, howling at the enchanted ceiling.

Suddenly someone grabbed her and she started to scream.

"Lily!"

She kept screaming, shaking her head. She couldn't stop dancing or Dumbledore wouldn't notice her.

"Bloody hell! Lily! Stop screaming!"

She opened her eyes quickly, realising she wasn't in the Great Hall standing on the Gryffindor table, to see James' amused eyes shining above her.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed, turning to check her clock, which read 3:21am.

"Told you I'd come in the middle of the night," James whispered, grinning devilishly at her and Lily sighed, dropping back onto the pillow as James got under the covers with her.

"I'm so glad you woke me," she whispered, "I really need to learn how to dance."

"What?" James snorted and she flushed, turning to face him and twirling her arms around his neck.

"Nothing," she squeaked, and James snorted, grinning down at her, "You better keep quiet, I think my parents will murder you if they find you in my bed."

"Well then, we'll be quiet," James whispered, leaning towards her, and Lily giggled, "You know," he breathed, only a few inches away from her face, "You never did my nails."

"This is so not the time, Potter," Lily whispered back, and he smirked as she closed the distance between them.

* * *

**Hello! Well here's the next chapter, hope you enjoyed it!**

**The next one might be a bit delayed, as we're currently packing up the house in preparation to move, so I'm very distracted with that and don't have much spare time to write. It should be up soon though, hopefully!**

**Thought I'd share an unfortunate hilarious typo found while I was editing: (Sirius to Lily) "We'll always shave each other." I actually laughed aloud at that one. **

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


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